We can't help you if you spend all your time looking for excuses instead of solutions. Your marriage will not recover if you don't take the advice. PERIOD.

So I have to question your sincerity about saving your marriage when I see the endless excuses. Excuses won't save your marriage. I don't really care if you save it or not; but do you care? If you care, then you need to start looking for solutions.

I am not encouraged at all when I see you demanding unwarranted trust and manufacturing endless excuses about why you can't work this program. If you want to be trusted, you have to earn it. Your husband should not trust you. This is why it is important to completely affair proof your marriage.

Demanding blind trust will not achieve that. Trust is not an entitlement for entitled wayward wives. You want trust, then EARN it.

In order for Dr Harley's program to work, you have to follow the steps. You can't cut corners and end up with a recovered marriage. It just doesn't work that way.

Marriage Builders is not something you can cherry pick - it doesn't work unless you take all the steps:

here

I told my husband about my affair, too.
I still continued to lie for quite some time.
He would be foolish to trust you for that reason alone.

A brief moment of honesty is no insurance against continued contact. That is why extraordinary precautions are vital if you are going to recover. You cannot rely on your honesty, or faith, or willpower, or feelings, or gut. You must put up walls that OM will NEVER be able to get over. It's the only way.

I wrote dr. Harley I will wait for his reply.

I've asked this multiple times and you continue to ignore it.

WHEN are you changing your number?

I'm glad you wrote to Dr. Harley. He will probably say what others here have said, but he has a way of framing things that you will find helpful.

But the discussion has hit a theme, which is: Marriage should take priority over finances.

Do you agree with that precept in general, Marie?

You were exposed by cheaterville. Not yourself I am sure you sugar coated the truth and made POSOM to be awesome when he's a slug. Your anger with the cheaterville post shows the affair wasn't over and very typical of cheating spouses.

TD,

I say this with all due respect.

The Cheaterville aspect has run it's course and the other veteran posters have wisely been able to turn the focus more towards the EP's and UA Time along with the ongoing debate about the need for changing the work schedules.

I'm certain your point has validity, yet it would detour the slight progress currently underway.

I know that you could offer sage veteran advice in the direction needed to see if this woman can choose Her Marriage and Family Life over her job and inappropriate friendships.

LTL

And also, Marie has written to Dr. Harley. It will be good to here his advice to her. No doubt, it will clear her mind and help her to focus on the essential things she needs to do to recover her marriage.

I do think though that the 2x4's early on helped snap her out of the fog.

Who ever wrote that post about cheaterville it was completely wrong and rude. Okay so let's say I have two things left to accomplish. Change the number. Change the shift. What would be my next step?

You have to take the first steps first. Your marriage cannot enter recovery unless you are working a similar shift pattern to your husband's, and until you have ended your work-related travel. You must accomplish that first before any other steps become relevant.

When will you be changing the number?

I can change my number tommorrow but a new job could take months.

So I do nothing for months?

If I understand your situation correctly, none of the things highlighted in red have been done. I have highlighted "Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers)" because I don't know whether Drew is able to verify your location by using a landline number to call you where you say you are. A mobile number will not do; you could be answering his calls from anywhere (a trick my H's OW used on her BH). How does Drew know that you are not in a hotel? Also, if you are away from home overnight, Drew does not know who is there with you.

I can't remember if you wrote a NC letter approved and sent by Drew, but if you have not, then that should be in red, too.

Your first step is to do all the things on the list that have not been done. There is not point asking about the steps after that if ALL the first steps have not been taken.

Until you change your shift from nights to days, and also stop travelling away from home, you will effectively be doing nothing.

Drew will not know where you are or who you are with as long as you travel away from home. Your assurances mean nothing; Drew cannot take your word when you have already used the freedom your job offered to live a secret second life. How does continuing in the same pattern change anything?

You and he might agree that what we are asking of you is impossible. You might decide to leave this forum and do things your way, with frequent phone calls while you travel and sleep out, but every day you do this Drew will be in hell, and that is not recovery.

You do what you can do immediately.

You sincerely develop a plan and DO NOT deviate or stall from bringing your work schedules together. NO EXCUSES!!!

Also, have that 100 % Open and Honest discussion about your affair.

Be open and willing to take as polygraph test to ensure honesty.

After ALL the details are discussed to your husbands complete satisfaction, then NEVER discuss the affair again.

Thoroughly read and continue to implement the list that several posters provided to you on How To End An Affair and continue implementing Extraordinary Precations to Affair Proof YOUR Marriage.

Continue to post about questions and setbacks and get validated for when you do the right things successfully.

LTL

Well of I don't work my paycheck would be short. That is one way he can tell if I am where I say I am. He can call the hospital at any time and I will be here. I have written as I said before I have done everything except the phone number and the shift. I wrote the no contact letter months ago before we knew about mb. And he never contacted me until he was posted on cheatervile so I think that point is moot.

You must eliminate all means of contact, including the phone number. That is a basic requirement.

You must leave this job in order to save your marriage.
It will not survive if you don't.
Dr. Harley is very clear that his procedures must be followed without deviation.