Your statements you make at this point remind me of my wives after she had a (4) month affair on me over two years ago.

I know all too much exactly what your husband is going through, and will go through for many months.

You control so much of the pain your husband will or will not experience depending on the choices you now make.

You must leave your job.

Your husband thinks the worst every time your at work because the OM is around and you and only you created this thought pattern in his mind.

You defied all his trust but at the same time your asking he trust you on your word that you ended the relationship with this other man? That may or may not be true, but in his mind he can't trust right now.

The other mans wife deserves to defend herself and should have the right to choose if she still wants her husband for all that he really is.

If your husband had cheated on you, would you not want the other women's husband to let you know?

Quit protecting the other man and your career, follow this program and then you will be backing up the statement that you care for your husband.

How did you get your husband to agree to you staying there with your OM at the same job?

Thanks GloveOil, It is my priority to get out of here. I understand how important this is to helping

He said he didnt want me to leave because I am earning a very good income.

Why so defensive?
No one has attacked you. They may have told you things you didn't want to hear, but you have not been attacked.

Recovery is not for the weak. If you want to recover, stop whining about what strangers on the internet have said to you, and listen to those who have not only been where you are, but are now in a fully recovered marriage.

The road of recovery is very narrow. Any deviation from the plan, and you will fall.

Would you like to be in love with your husband? Would you like a GREAT marriage? We can tell you how to get that.

Will he come here so we can help him?

danil89 he doesn't know what is right at this point, he is traumatized over your A...

He needs to get on this forum to get some direction from others not so emotionally tied to the situation.

Everyone here has been either you or him and at some point needed to be told what move to make next because of the pain there going through.

I good income won't save your marriage.

I wish he would come here for support. He feels like he can do this on his own.

Do you have any vacation time that you can take just to be away from work?

Tell him you are taking some time off so he can relax and not live in fear because you care for him and his health right now. Also tell him you are exploring other jobs to move forward getting out of there.

He will not be able to do this alone. Tell him you found the best program to give your marriage a chance and you'd like him to participate along side you...

I will see if he will try it. I have tried getting him to see someone with me who can help him/us talk it out and he thinks its a waste of time.
In the mean time I am striving to find new employment to get the hell out of here.

I agree with him that it is a waste of time to talk about the affair. A marriage recovers from an affair by taking action, not by talking. However, getting another job ASAP will make a world of difference.

He also needs to expose the affair to the OM's wife. Will he do this?

Thats the thing He seems like he wants to talk about the affair? I completely agree that I need to get out of here asap which is now my number one priority. I think it like you say will make a world of difference

For the most part, talking about an affair is a waste of time.
Action is what is needed, not talking.

He wants to talk about it because it is still happening. You leave every day to go see this dirtbag so it is always top of his mind. He is not talking about it because it is "therapeutic" but because he is being daily terrorized by your continued contact.

For example, if I am being beat up by husband every day and I talk about it, the reason is not because i am using "talk therapy"" but because getting beat is a daily occurrence in my life.

I understand what you are saying. I will continue to actively seek alternative employment and hope that I can find something really soon. I hate that I have done this to him and I am so angry with my self and commited to doing whatever I can to fix things.

I hope that showing him I am activeley looking for alternative employment will show that he is my number 1 priority. Is there anything else I can be doing/saying that is going to make this process any easier for him?

Yes.
You can quit your job; expose the affair to your employer and ask them to transfer you out of the area or fire the OM.

"Actively looking for alternative employment" is a joke to your husband.
it would be a joke to me.
You either leave and agree to permanently end all contact with the affair partner or you dont.

You will probably end in divorce if you dont end all contact soon

I understand this, but I also have to continue to provide a life for us, we have a mortgage and bills and I cant just up and leave our income.

But you aren't providing a life, you are providing constant trauma for your husband by continuing to see the OM each day.

Divorce will cost much more money than a few months off of work will cost you.