That sounds like pretty much what I am asking about. Is recovery impossible if I continue to work nights or should I work sixty hours a week during the day to make up for the pay cut?

Just as long as you make it home EVERY night and you are not working opposite shifts. But we have told you this.

Okay melody I will just call Mrs Harley back and tell her I don't need to speak to the doctor because you answered all my questions.

Whatever makes you happy!

Okay well I guess I will ask the man who wrote the book:)

Good Marie! You will find both Dr. and Joyce Harley to be so hospitable and inviting. Will Drew be on the show with you?

I am leaving that up to him. He would like to and I would love it if he would but we have to be on the same phone line and I do not want to do it in his office. We could put my phone on speaker but I am leaving it up to him if he wants to come home in the middle of the day.

Maybe you could drive to his work and then both of you go out to the car and put your phone on speaker phone there?

Great idea. I will ask him if he would do that.

You could also do a three way call. It's pretty easy to do with pretty much any smart phone. We did our last couple of calls that way.

Oh that is even better. I will figure it out.

Have you changed your number and email yet?

No it's pointless at this time. The OM never contacted me until the cheaterville thing. When he realized I am not going to anything to help his cause he won't ever contact me again. My husband is good with it and I would do it if he wasn't. At some point in recovery you have to trust each other again....

You are backtracking on one of the simplest Extraordinary Precautions available to you After you explicitly stated you would change your contact information.

IF your husband is in agreement with that, then it is only due to him not knowing how to properly safeguard your marriage from any other affair.

It is SUCH A SMALL STEP for you to actually back up your words with actions and you waffled immediately.

How will he EVER sincerely feel safe again?

He won't!!!

If you are even the least bit serious about recovering your marriage, YOU should take the steps required.

You have NO Idea what his mind and thoughts gave gone through.

LTL

Marie, you earlier complained about getting slammed on here and I was all set to reply that everyone here, including myself received a lot of 2x4s and bootcamping in the beginning, because we all came here clueless.

However I didn't because you seemed to be slowly getting it; asking questions and wanting to know what you could do.

It isn't the case that people who had affairs get slammed around here ad infinitum. Some of our former waywards are amongst some of the most respected members of this forum. There is NOTHING they wouldn't do to repair, prevent and protect. Nothing.

So you can't be bothered changing email and numbers? Quite possibly the easiest measure re prevention it is possible to do?

Recovery is reliant on OM not getting in touch?

You may well lose the most experienced and valued posters on your thread (which you are quite rich in currently) if they care more about affair proofing than you do.

How is changing my email and phone number affair proofing my marriage? It will only protect me from one person. One person who has nothing to say until our names were posted all over cheaterville. If no one wants to post on my comments its okay. I do understand the concept and if my husband had a single concern I would happily change everything.

And learned too late he does feel safe. If he didnt I would change everything. I am not lying, listen to our radio thing we are headed in the absolute right direction. Even the expert said so:)

Did you tell Dr. Harley that you had originally agreed to change your contact information, but now you have changed your mind and are not willing to do the smallest of token gestures?

LTL

I am not unwilling, I would happily do it if my husband wanted me too. I think maybe the problem is that you all think we are at the beginning of this process. You all talked to my husband months after I exposed myself. I made the commitment to work with him to attempt to repair the many aspects of our relationship that were failing. I did not want to. I did it because it was the right thing to do. Now I am SO happy I did. I loved Dr. Harley's book and website because he articulated everything I was feeling and it made me feel that we were not hopeless. I came on this site to ask about the wisdom of cheaterville. A practice that Dr. Harley does not even endorse, and especially after the affair has already been exposed for months. I have been sucked into conversations about every other issue and made to feel like a piece of garbage. I probably keep coming back because I feel like I deserve it.

I don't think you are lying; I find it quite believable that OM has made himself scarce and headed for the hills. That is what the majority of OM do.

However that is not a guarantee that he won't keep you in his little black book and look you up sometime, 10, or even 20 years from now. Or for that fact tomorrow. Men like that don't toss away women forever.

There isn't much you can do to take away the affair. Or show remorse. Changing your details and going to your husband and showing him so; showing him that you have made it IMPOSSIBLE for OM to ever reach you is a very small and tiny gesture of sincerity that any wayward who means business would gladly do.