Waywards who are damn serious work like hell to compensate for the damage done.

I don't see you doing that. You're making an awful lot of noise, but your job and your finances are more important than compensating for the death blow you have dealt your husband.

Marie, you are so full of excuses.

I have run a $250M business on Panera's wifi for a week at a time, when circumstances required.

Tent it at night and then your husband can lounge at Panera for a few hours, then Starbucks, etc.

I understand how most women really pull up their nose at a tent. However, most women have never tried it.

I absolutely love spending the night in a nature setting, in a tent. There is something really unique about it that is hard to describe.

I love Europe and 5 stars as much as the next person, but my favorite vacation by far is sleeping in a tent in a mountain wilderness....or really, in any setting that has fresh air and whispering pines.

The fresh, cold night air is phenomenally refreshing. I would by far be better rested sleeping in a tent day or night in the fresh air, than on a bed in a room in a hospital.

Look at it as an adventure that you guys haven't tried before.

Open your mind, put away your prejudices and you may actually enjoy it.

As far as college for your kids is concerned, do you really think they want their college tuition paid at the cost of their parents divorcing?

No matter how much money I was earning, my kids have always understood that they got scholarships (that was their job) or they paid their own way.

My two oldest joined the Air Force specifically for the college tuition benefits...at a time when we were a 1%-er household.

And they were better for it. They served (or are serving) a 6 year enlistment as air traffic controllers while getting all of their tuition paid by the Air Force.

Who do you think employers will hire first? My boys with 6 years of air traffic control experience AND a bachelors degree or kids that enjoyed the good times while entitled to a mommy-and-daddy funded education? You really are doing them NO favors by entitling them to a mommy-paid education.

I paid my own way...complete with top ramen noodles...and that in itself was a better education than college ever was.

Mari,

Please do check in here again after you get your head on straight and get serious about your marriage and following MB.

Tom

Can the scholarships be used to pay for room and board?
And federal loans be used for tuition? Your credit history should not contribute to their eligibility of federal loans.

Can I ask why the heck you are paying $14,000 per year to room and board two adults when you have a mountain of debt and financial conditions causing poor credit?

Marie, this is seriously messed up.

Let the little darlings get jobs and pay their own $14,000.

Marie, my parents had debt collectors at their door and were on the verge of losing their farm when I was in college.

NEVER, EVER, EVER would the thought have even occurred to me to expect them to pay $14,000 per year for my college.

They had no money to buy even essentials. A few times they were down to whatever coins they could find in the couch cushions and an empty heating oil tank. Once my dad got an opportunity to run a truck for someone for three days and he left with $5 and no idea how he was going stretch that to eat for three days.

A cushy cafeteria eating plan for me was out of the question. Neither they or I could pay for it, and never in my wildest fantasy would the thought occur to me that they should.

In the summers, between my three jobs, sometimes I would have time to help them irrigate. I was happy to HELP THEM any way I could because they were truly in need. As an adult, I never expected them to be helping me anymore unless there was something specific I couldn't do for myself and needed from them in order to be able to breath the air so I didn't die.

Your daughters need to grow up a little....or a lot.

My girls do have jobs, scholarships and took out loans for the max they were allowed. We cannot get parent loans Because of our credit. I do not feel it is fair to tell them to quit school because your father and I are having issues. They are highly motivated and hard workers. So that is not an option. As for tenting. Fine with tenting. Love it in fact. However it will not change that I must work at night. My husband cannot run a business while I am asleep and I will be working while he is asleep. It makes no sense for him to come with me until I get on the day shift which I have inquired about but there is nothing available at this time. So if me being on the forum is contingent on all the pieces lining up perfectly I will stay off until I can get these things settled. Thanks for all you great suggestions and hopefully they will be useful soon:(

This is a false argument as has been pointed out to you. Your daughters do not have to quit school just because you can't pay their room and board. Which you can't according to you.

Pieces don't just line up on their own though. You're the one making the choices. Whether you want to admit it or not, the fact is that you are choosing to spend $14000 per year on room and board as a gift to your children. You have your reasons for making that choice, but it is a choice. It's a shame you choose that over saving your own marriage. What do you think your children value more? Do they have a say in this? Maybe you should ask them if they would rather continue receiving room and board and have their parents divorce, or pay their own way and have their parents stay together and fall in love again.

Here is another idea. How about splitting the room and board with them. You pay half and they pay half? You said they have jobs?

That would give you $500 a month right there.

Get creative.

Why can't your adult daughters earn $7,000 per year each?

What kind of cars do your daughters drive?

Do they make the car payments or do you?

Do they buy their own gas or do you?

Who pays the insurance?

Who pays their cell phone bills?

Do you see where I'm going with this? They don't need you to support them anymore....even if they are in college, and especially with their full ride scholarships. They are big girls and can figure it out.

I'm having a hard time understanding why student loans are needed when they have a full ride and their parents pay $14,000 per year in room and board.

Perhaps your daughters have a lifestyle that is unreasonable and unsustainable, given your circumstances and theirs.

My daughters probably do make 7000 a year but they pay for books and school fees. They pay to do there laundry and keep themselves in shampoo, soap and tampons. They have no car. One is not even licensed because she knows she has nothing to drive. I do pay for the basic cell phone service and they pay of they want anything else. They buy there own clothes. I not going to make them take a second job (well third if you count the summer job) off campus which they have no transportation to. When would they study? They are nineteen and seventeen. They love us both very much. I would never put them in the position and say either you give up school or we get divorced. Of course they would say we don't want you to get divorced. Why would I put that kind of pressure on them after they have already delt with our stuff. Not going to make the situation worse by holding them responsible for the failure of our marriage.

When I say full ride I am saying our out of pocket is room and board. They have scholarships loans work study and grants... The entire package.

My children are the kindest, most generous teenagers I know so you can talk about the whore wife and her spender husband but don't you dare bring my children into this.

If they have a full ride and you pay their room and board, what percentage of their college do they actually pay?

Okay so I told one of my closest friends who is a very spiritual woman about this forum and she texted me this this morning....No excuses. Stay out of the forum. You are inviting trouble and irritating your own spirit. Don't do that.Seriously, you'll start indulging complaint and condemnation. You'll get all stirred up and before you know it your heart will be full of rebellion and/or despair again. That's what I mean. It will stir up self-condemnation or rebellion and make you want to justify all over again. If it's not turning you to Jesus and the way of His heart, run away.
She is the smartest woman I know. She told me to stay when I didn't want to so I have to listen to her about this too. I really am signing off for good.

And how many marriages has your friend saved exactly?

You missed my point. If you continue on your current path you are likely to be divorced. Probably because of your second affair. Or your husbands future affair. Those are the statistics. That's the choice you are making.