I wouldn't limit myself to just email. It just happens to be a way to contact a lot of people at once. Use whatever method you need to on a case by case basis. And don't forget about Facebook exposure. You can send messages on there to all of his "friends". Make sure you pay the $1 per message and space them out like explained in the exposure 101 thread.

I've rethought my plans.....it won't work. I'm trapped...most of the contacts are THEIR common friends, and I've never really become that close with any of them.

I don't think I want this marriage, but I love her...I can't "snoop" electronically in NY....illegal. I know she has gone to video chatting, based on the daily data usage uptick on her cell every morning on her way into work and during her lunch break...at least since May.

I just have to watch my back. With my "diagnosed" condition, I lose, and fear that I'll be baited in every way.
I'll be keeping a VAC on me at every step forward.

You could use vars I. The house and car. Just don't tell her about them. Even if she found out what could she do?
In georgia adultry is against the law, it's just not enforced.

Good. I didn't like the plan at all. Most oms are given a crappy rewritten historical perspective of the betrayed husband by the hopeful wayward wife begging for oms attention and trying to make on as comfortable as possible with actually being an OM. Your little scheme would have fit nicely into your ww,s plot line wherein you are this controlling paranoid emotional disturb sick etc husband. OM telling your wife u contacted him actually "proves" nothing that can't be explained away to others.

If they are video chatting in the car..... Voice activated digital recorder is all u need.

Remember the precautions.

Buy with cash
Don't put your voice anywhere on it especially while u r hiding it
Download, save away from your computer and erase all past recordings whenever u retrieve it prior to replacing it.

In New York especially u want to be able to deny u hid it and insist u are being set up. Without corroborating evidence indicating it's your recorder it's in admissible.

Lay low. Get proof. Exposing with good evidence to oms wife will probably kill the affair pretty quick. It sounds kind of new and long distance so OM is likely not yet irretrievably hooked yet.

IF u recover, you should require your wife post on mb as a condition to recovery.

I hope you still plan on exposing far and wide when the time comes.

I didn't really like your plan for "proof" either. It would have been pretty weak evidence.

Keep in mind that when I confronted the other man and recorded the conversation, he already knew they were busted once. This was after I caught them a second time a month later after she promised "it was over" the first time. I was naive about how affairs worked at the time, like most people, and hadn't had any help up to that point.

When I spoke to him, there was no debating what was going on. But getting his voice on the record made it pretty iron clad when it came time to expose to his wife. I exposed to her in person and mentioned that I had the recording. Then later, she asked to hear it. I assume the OM was trying to lie about it to her.

Also, it is important for me to reveal that my plan at the time was not to expose. I called him with the threat of exposure if he didn't back off and disappear. This was a mistake on my part. I was afraid to expose at first. It was only five months later, when I discovered my W's secret email account that I exposed to his wife.

In my state, it is was perfectly legal for me to record the conversation with him, because we only require "one party" consent. But that wouldn't have stopped me. Adultery is illegal in my state as well. And I would point out to you that it is illegal in NY as well.

Like I said before, he's single and far away. But what are they planning? I don't think this is recoverable now....I am now preparing for her departure at some point.

You should consult an attorney. If they are planning, you should be prepared too.

Will your "diagnosed condition" put you at a disadvantage for securing 50% of your kids' time, or in a custody battle?

Someone with "mental" condition, even if misdiagnosed, is at a disadvantage. I'm f'd....bigtime!

How did you find out about your W secrete email account?
I have web watchers, but she uses her iPod for most of her web surfing and emails.
Web watchers is very limited when it comes to iPhone and iPod touch.

Not really.

Ok so what is your plan? Did you see what Mr W posted? What about seeing a lawyer?

What is your plan?

Can you get a 2nd opinion to correct the misdiagnosis?

You said your condition has messed up your hormones and your nerves.

That sounds physiological, not mental/psychological.

Is it treatable with medication? Has the condition started to resolve?

An attorney can help you find a plan. Perhaps her prior substance abuse will help balance the situation?

Agree.

Wife and I and kids had a "nice" day at the State Fair. Then one thing led to another, and I inquired about the long list of texts and calls....she blah, blah, blahed about it. She was FURIOUS, and I told her that I still loved her but that it was hurtful to see those with another man. She called me "crazy" and left....(of course I'm with the kids...so she'd be leaving kids with a "crazy" man. (Documented)
I then sent a text to OM telling him to stop all contact with my wife.
I then emailed and called several of the friends that they have in common, with the typical exposure discussion/correspondence.

I will do more tomorrow morning. One of the contacts I called was one of her best friends. She said she'd be supportive of our family, but said to keep an open mind...so that's not going to be persuasive.

And Jaywalking is illegal too.

It basically means that you would be unable to use the electronic eavesdropping evidence collected in court.

You don't need or want it for court. You want it to prove and bust up the , affair.

LTL

My wife is dead to me. This is a deep long distant affair. This is harder than her previous one where I wondered where she was, because I am coming to the realization that I have a defective wife...as Melodylane has indicated....IOW, my wife as I've perceived her is dead. And I grieve so hard.....I am so low. I want to end the pain and just divorce her, but the thought of losing my home and family is even more terrifying. How can one lead such a life?? I am suffering badly. And wish I could go back 1 year earlier.

Do you just Plan A forever? Can you just wait for something to happen between them? Do I hang here until I lose my love for her? I can't afford the home by myself, with CS, and my kids are terrified of the thought of losing their home. With my issue that isn't being diagnosed, and now this....I'm lower than I've ever been.

The fear is far worse than the reality. I know this.
Plan A is not forever, it is as long as you can take it, until your bank is empty.

I would consult an attorney ASAP, and get ready. There is nothing to say you have to lose everything, however divorce with attorneys costs more than you ever imagine.

It comes down to the question, how committed are you? You will have to carry the load in a recovery and PLAN A and be the leader to bring her back (it is the hardest thing you will ever try)

I see she is a serial cheater, you definitely have a monumental task. Not everyone can pull it off.