I agree that the forum will "upset your spirit" as long as you are not serious about finding solutions. People here will tell you what you need to hear, not crap you want to hear.


"For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths." 2 Timothy 4 3-4

Well, it looks like they each need to figure out how to make $7,000 per year more.



There's some "found" money. If you were to be honest, it's likely your girls have more than enough clothes to last years and do not NEED more. They can apply that money towards room and board.

If clothes are NEEDED, there is usually a Salvation Army or Goodwill store around. I'm not telling you to do anything I myself am not willing to do as well. Most of my shopping when I was in college was in St. Vincent de Paul and Salvation Army. The sacrifice was worth it.



It is astonishing that you would baby them this way while you have debt collectors knocking at your door.

They would study at night. If they are not hungry enough for their education to do that, maybe they need to defer it for a while until THEY can afford it because you can't.



Who told you to do that? Why would you just make up a vicarious untruth? Their school has nothing to do with your divorce - which is coming soon enough because you would rather make excuses and argue than make the hard choices about your marriage.

Either they get jobs to earn the $14,000 or they defer school until they can afford it because you certainly can't.


Because it is their responsibility to find a way to go to college when their parents don't have the money for it. It is their pressure, not yours. And you don't have the resources to shelter them from it.

There is always the Air National Guard which will pay for college tuition and provide a very well paid weekend a month.

There are options if they are resourceful. Your obligation is to make sure you don't end up as their responsibility when you are older, not to coddle them through college and then not have any resources to provide for yourself when you can't work.


Of course you shouldn't. Who told you to do that?

If you get a divorce, it will be because you showed more creativity to avoid doing what you need to do than to do them.

Marie, seriously, your girls would be far better served by overcoming their own challenges than being coddled by their parents.

When I got out of school, I ran circles around peers who had a mommy-funded education because I knew how to deal with the realities of situations and overcome them, and they had no clue.

Having a lifetime of overcoming challenges allowed me to quickly adapt to and excel at almost anything. It gave me a high confidence in my abilities that can only be earned, not given.

You think you are doing them a favor, but you are not.

I'm a deeply religious woman, too, and that's a bunch of crap.

When you are interested in saving your marriage, let us know (MB is Christan based, btw).

I can not think of a single successful recovery where the wayward drove the recovery bus. The establishment of EPs is something Drew should be doing without interference. If Marie was serious, she would respect that. Instead, she is right in there deciding the rules. How could Drew ever recover under these conditions? It is not possible.

Maybe if Marie stopped obsessing over about the fact that Drew ever turned to an exposure site and thought a little bit about *why* he did. No BS would be comfortable in a recovery controlled by the WS like this one is. The real problem is the fragility of this marriage, and not the peace of Marie's spirit. I pretty much expect this kind of resistance from a wayward mindset. For this marriage to recover, it is Drew that needs to wake up.

So what's your friend's plan for you to save your marriage?

Here's your show.
Radio Clip of MarieMab's Show

I listened to this call, and Harley commented that the hotel would not be that expensive.
I can attest to this.
I formally spent 2/3 of the year on the road and literally stayed in 3 star hotels for less than $50 a night.
Obviously there are exceptions but it is clearly doable.

Was there even one EP that Marie implemented? Her multiple excuses suggest active, underground affair to me.

AM

I have the same feeling. A wayward this foggy indicates an ACTIVE affair.

49 pages and back to square one. Marie, I hope your husband realizes that all this blah blah blah is pretty clear - you have no intention of protecting your marriage. Liars love to talk without saying anything of substance.

50... Good grief.

That is not true. I has my number changed and the school is working on the email. Apparently it's not all that easy.

And as much as I would love to debate my state of fogginess and my status as a liar....I have a date with my husband:)

Marie,

Affairs often cause massive financial damage. It's just one of those things we never think about when we get pulled into one.

Think of your affair like a bomb that has basically blown your regular, dependable life to bits. You might have to let even more stuff fall apart in order to rebuild something that will put your marriage and family first.

Resisting this process will actually drag out the suffering for everyone involved. At the very least be willing to CONSIDER rearranging everything. Trying to defend the status quo is a huge waste of time and energy.

Stop thinking about peace for your own soul. Instead, start to work on restoring peace for the souls of everyone who's been affected by your affair. I think you'll find that this is the best medicine.

Affairs entail of a lot of entitlement. We think we 'deserve' to feel good because of a, b, or c. Coming out of an affair requires unhooking from the entitlement that allowed the selfish and destructive behavior in the first place.

Make it all about the people you hurt. If that means making less money and not being able to support the girls financially (which seems the opposite of making amends) than that's what it is.

You are in rebuilding mode. The affair blew up your whole life and the lives of everyone around you. It's ground zero. The sooner you realize this and embrace it, the better you'll adjust.

Let's put the financial cost of my FWH's affair in perspective:

Loss on vehicle he had sex with her in $6k
Cost of new vehicle $7k
Rent for house because he refused to leave marital home $1600x24=$38,400
Lost in monthly income due to relocation: $4k

Grand total:$ 56,400+
All because he couldn't keep his boundaries...

And that doesn't count my legal fees

Affairs cause more than physchological damage...

I agree. We are starting at ground zero. I know exactly what you are talking about and we are working desperately on the finances. I asked for a day shift position and hopefully that will come available soon. I have written everyone I complained about all the issues in our marriage a letter of sincere apology with the hopes they will support our recovery. We are moving into a smaller more energy efficient place today. I am feeling really positive in spite of how everyone views me here.

And I will say to the credit of the forum although my husband said he didn't care if I changed my phone number he did admit
It made him feel good that I did it. He felt like I went tot bat for him.

You do know the way "everyone views you here" is based on your actions and/or reactions?

Some well-respected posters here were once "foggy waywards." Once they took action to save their marriage and provide just compensation by creating a romantic, affair proof marriage they were viewed by those actions.


Remember, sometimes the only people that really care are your toughest critics.

Probably true an did I couldn't take it or Wasn't interested I would just stay off. However I keep coming back even though it sucks.