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And I think that's partly why he disappeared from the forum. He isn't willing to take hard action here. SAD.
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Is this why he no longer posts here? Because he refuses to take Dr. Harley's advice?
I will tell you, Marie, that it is very RARE to see a betrayed spouse who won't do everything to save his marriage. I am shocked to hear this. I can understand a WS not wanting to follow these steps because he/she is still foggy, but we rarely see that from a BS.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You know what I will put the question to him. Maybe he can think of a way to make up the difference. He did have one idea but I am skeptical it sounds like a pyramid and I am just not excited to spend money on something like that.
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That is probabaly wrong of me.
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Though you may have 'lied' to your husband over the years about how much you resented the decisions you did or didn't make together consciously, there's no doubt he felt your seething rage.
Don't think for a second that he didn't. You've been in control whether you're willing to admit it or not and he's so cowed by you and the fear that you'll leave him that he's letting you slip slide along in recovery picking and choosing what YOU think will work.
He is terrified to lose you and will put up with half measures. This is not going to cut it!!
Last edited by zibbles; 08/31/14 06:22 PM.
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HE NEEDS TO GO GET A JOB.
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Enthusiastic agreement and all that....
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Marie, I would approach him and try and brainstorm a solution that doesn't take you out of home 2-3 nights every week. Surely he understands how critical this is to your recovery? Dr Harley is not a superfluous person. His suggestions are ALL best practices and you just cannot cut corners.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No the cheaterville (for the one hundredth time) did nothing but hurt me and make me want to leave Talking to the om girl form is what snapped me put of my self pity. I somehow felt justified for hurting my husband because he hurt me for years. I kept my mouth shut and hated him on the inside. Talking to this woman who was completely innocent and unaware ads me understand the pain I had caused people.
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Enthusiastic agreement and all that.... Exactly. And that applies to your job too. If you are not enthusiastic about it, the default position is to do nothing until a new agreement is reached. The problem with your job is that it prevents you from recovering your marriage. You will just be spinning your wheels if that can't be resolved.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You are right melody we will do that. There just has to be a way...
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You are right melody we will do that. There just has to be a way... 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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okok, I overdid it!! I was just so overjoyed to hear you say "there has to be a way" that I got carried away. Thanks for making my night. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thank you for wearing me down to the nub . Sometimes one needs that:)
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Thank you for wearing me down to the nub . Sometimes one needs that:) Anytime, Marie... 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I live 70 miles away so if we cannot do something cheaper I could just drive home. We checked on hotels when I started this assignment last year and when I tell you this is Podunk I am not exaggerating. We even told them I would be there every week and no one would give is a deal. I used to be assigned to work out of town for weeks or sometimes months at a time. On extended assignment, it was often cheaper for me to rent a room or apartment than a hotel.
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