I'm very sorry to hear about her heart attack and ongoing health problems. However, do you hope to keep this from her forever? What will you say if she leaves you for the other man, as you said you suspected earlier in this thread, or if (that should be "when") you decide to move out? If you decide to file for divorce, will you keep that from her?

This does nothing to address the questions we have been asking you. Do you plan to do anything about this ongoing affair?

What do you mean by "attorney coming sometime this week"? Do you have an appointment with an attorney? When?

The first thing I think of when I hear "inappropriate behavior" is the president of the United states LYING on national television about his affair in the White House, then admitting to it....but not calling it an affair or adultery...instead saying "I did indeed have an inappropriate relationship"...

well, he was having an affair!
Call it what it is!

Mywoife,

I din;t know if you're even still here, but as I said I do have a couple of things to add.

The first thing is that your kids are old enough - ages 12 and 14 to understand the threat to your family. The second thing is do NOt engage in arguments with her about the phone bill as you did. I am not sure why you brought it up - not sure if you were complaining to her about he amount of that bill or specific phone numbers on it. But. in bringing it up and Not confronting her about a specific phone number (which probably did cause the phone and texting charges to be high) you blew it for no good reason.

Melody Lane stated to you something important. That you may be a conflict avoider. I don't know and I can't judge, but it dose seem that you are afraid of your wife.

Well I wish you well,

Tom

Jedi,
Mu opinion is when a politician addresses the public is one thing as far as the terms used, cut when addressing your family is quite another matter.
Tom

My WW just called and said she wants to go to counseling. Seperate at first, then together...Is this a good sign, or just a cover to say "At least I tried". Meanwhile, we haven't had any major R discussion over 2 days, and have shared some TV time together....but clings to her phone...and since Fri. night, (like her last A) she does not let me see her naked...Things were "floating" before Friday(with some sex, and some "fun") before I hit the nerve with asking about the phone calls, texts.
I think she's just going through the motions.

Not really. It's a complete waste of time while she is in an active affair. I know, I've been there and done that. I'd repeat that you are willing to restore the marriage and enter a program of recovery of your choosing once she ends the affair, agrees to NC, sends a NC letter, and is totally transparent.

She doesn't acknowledge the affair...says she hasn't talked to him in a month. That's the thing that is different from last time...no smoking gun....oh, and that it is an emotional affair from afar, from which I read, is the hardest to break...all fantasy. Could a counselor bring that out of her?

No.

Did you plant any VARS? I thought you suspected she was using Facetime on her way to work?

Why are you having R discussions with her AT ALL? She is in an active affair. You don't try to talk a wayward back to the marriage. All that will do is put them on their guard and take the affair further underground. As you are seeing.

x2.

She's just playing games with you, since she knows you are suspicious of an affair.

"Is she monitoring your posts here?"
I highly doubt it. She's so fogged out right now, it's blinding. This is so different...she is protecting this EA big time....the guy is in Cali....has never been married, and supposedly has heart conditions....my wife is a "motherer" and takes on EVERY person in need....she can't say no.

I would say that we protected the marriage in everyway possible, until I became "ill"....again, not blaming myself, but I have known from our recovery, that my wife was a higher risk...
It is so sad, to think that a long distance emotional affair, can do such damage, and is the hardest one to break up. I think all the exposure now is putting a bit of a squeeze, but hard to know.

One year ago, I was a happy healthy wonderful man, with a awesome wife and family and home....I sense it is about to be all taken away...

MWIL, it had nothing to do with your illness, and everything to do with her pisspoor boundaries around men. She already KNOWS the dangers of an affair and walked right into another one.

You can't blame the state of the marriage anymore. This is no accident. She was looking for action. As long as that is the case, there is nothing here to save.


I would say that was an illusion because your wife is still playing chicken with your life and your marriage. IT was just a matter of time before you got hit again.

I agree that it was an illusion.

I noticed that you posted back in May of this year about how amazing your M and WW was - and if I understand this time line correctly she was already secretly communicating w/OM (aka in an EA) at that time and had been for a number of months.

I think you get sidetracked with all this psycho analysis of your WW. She is behaving like any other wayward....except WORSE. Because she has done this to you twice now. And she will do it again.

Besides, the statement is obviously NOT TRUE since the person she has vowed to care, cherish and love she has betrayed and hurt in the worse way possible. Twice. While you are struggling with your own illness.

I don't see how you can possibly say that, when this affair kicked off (or speeded up) with her going to her high school reunion alone.

During the time you were here before, there were several cases and discussions showing the dangers of high school reunions. I don't know how you didn't know that was a high risk. I don't know how you didn't know that any social event with mixed sexes where the spouse is not present are high risk, and that high school reunions seem to present their own special danger. It obviously has something to do with people reuniting with old acquaintances and friends with whom you shared what you now look back ones the best days of your life, and in some cases, getting back in touch with an old boyfriend or girlfriend.

You might have been protecting the marriage up to that point, but that was an obvious risk that should never have been undertaken by anyone who ever posted on MB.

Your wife is not mothering him and their relationship has nothing to do with his being in need.

I'm beginning to think that you are in a bigger fog than she is!

I notice that you've done what you've done so many times before; you've updated and blogged about the last few days but you've done nothing to answer outstanding questions. You've been asked about what you told you children and your plans to break up this affair, but like many other questions on this thread they remain unanswered and you've moved on to what happened yesterday.


What have you found out about your custody rights in the event of separation?

The exposure is hitting a nerve! Absolute insane reaction when finding out that one of her friends (she calls the town mouth)was sent the exposure message. She just left saying "Don't ever talk to me again, it's over"

I was calm and cool, and said "I love you, for our marriage to survive, we will need to contact OM and tell him to never speak to you again." Her veins just about popped out of her neck, when yelling "Never!!!!".

I will not go down without a fight, but this one maybe even too much for this MB "success

Did you ever write Dr. Harley?

Have you listened to the clips in here?
Serial Cheaters