My husbands affair cost me thousands and that's WITHOUT choosing to recover or pay for counselling, moving, new jobs etc. Simply walking away and choosing to divorce cost me dearly in both stress and cash. I don't think I've come across a single example of an affair where finances and employment prospects were not totally destroyed.




I will let the more IT savvy guide you there but I just wanted to say we realise it sucks.

The best way is to keep your head down and plough on with recovery until you become old news on these sites. Affairs are such a prolific social scourge that they probably won't have the capacity to store old stories past a certain point.

I'm a reporter and I covered some big stories a few years back that you can't find online any more.

Even if these sites do keep fantastic archives, the more time you put between yourself and the time it happened, the more it mitigates things. I know a guy whose teenage criminal record shows up in searches but employers view it as the distant past.

Also, do remember that the more crudely you are insulted, the less seriously it will be taken as the truth by anyone who comes across it. Ignore it and move on.

You can do this!

Thanks indiegirl. I only really worry about future employers as I know they sometimes google prospectives...I am in grad school and will be looking for employment in the next year or so. The sites both mention that I am a nurse so it would be hard to deny...however you are right. I will just plow through and pray they disappear by the time I am searching. I know my mistakes will have a price but I never even thought about something like this.

Actually I could not deny... I made a commitment to radical honesty not just with my husband but with everyone. I am on a mission of transparency so I guess if it comes up I tell perspectives the truth..,

Good answer. It has been amazing the number of people who have supported us once they knew the truth, that H was repentant and we now have a great marriage. Lots of people use us as a resource. Affairs are epidemic in our culture. Nearly everyone has been effected by an affair. Your present and future attitude will go a long way in how people will view you.

So, now will you stop worrying about exposure and get on with the program?

AM

Yup. Done with that worry...on to better things to worry about:)

A few options for blocking ...

Block a website: PC

Block a website: Mac

Block a website: iPhone

Block a website: Android

Block a website: Router

Okay one more question...after talking to the OM ex girlfriend it
Became crystal clear to me what a manipulative scumbag this man is and it makes me so mad I didn't tell him what I really think of him. I know it serves no purpose and I won't do it but for other wayward how long before I get over this? It is really bugging me.

I would never bring this up again. The OM is the worst thing that ever happened to your husband. Don't remind him of that.

And seriously, Marie, you are standing in moral judgment of the OM?? Hello pot!!

Ahh, but really you just want to talk to him. Stop looking at his picture; stop thinking about talking to him; stop thinking about the nasty married woman chaser, period. We already know what he thinks about you. You were an easy lay.


What are you doing today to meet your husband's emotional needs?

AM

Okay. I am really doing everything to meet my husbands needs. It's my hang up. I will get over it.

Yep, he's a dirtbag. You will make yourself happier by eliminating all reminders of him from your life, and filling your life with things that make you happy that will crowd out memories of what this guy did.

Actually my husband brought it up and I was just being honest.

Thanks Markos. I will do that. I spend way too much time in my twisted head.

What did your husband bring up? Are you and he talking about OM? About the affair?

AM

Actually it started when he admitted he was not taking his medications anymore (for his heart). We were talking about my AD and how I was feeling...he said he has two friends who had affairs and they still have regrets and so it's normal.

You will get over it if you stop reinforcing it. Every time you think about the OM, you prolong the recovery time. You may believe that these negative revelations about the OM will help you get over it, but the reality is they are setting you back because they are causing you to think about it again.

Okay I will just forget it. Push it out with all the good stuff. Can someone just confirm it's hard?

And Marie, to add to this point, this goes TRIPLE for your husband. Everytime this is spoken of, it brings the tragedy of the past into the present. HE can't recover that way.

Yours is a walk in the park compared to what your husband has to deal with for the next 12 months. His recovery will be hell. You need to focus your concern on him and help him move forward. The way to help him move forward is to never talk about it again.

Of course. It will be easier if you can avoid many of our mistakes and closely follow Dr. Harley's principles. My H and I talked WAY too much about the A. It definitely prolonged our recovery - nearly derailed it entirely.

AM