Sounds like you're going against the advice of many and deciding on Plan A.

I just don't see Plan A working out for you.

I'd bounce.

How to Plan B at home?

You can't Plan B at home, and I suspect you're hoping to find a way to do this simply as another form of conflict avoidance. You don't want to face up to the affair and you hope it will just go away.

Indeed it might simply die within two years. Most affairs do. Be honest with us: would you prefer to wait this out and let the affair take its course, rather than leave your wife?

Could you answer my question about seeing a lawyer last week?

That is an oxymoron.

My rights are minimal in NY. I'll look further into it.

My wife may be monitoring this board so I may lay low for awhile.

Did you see a lawyer as you stated last week?

BTW...OM is long distance and New York is one of, if not the toughest state when it comes to relocating with kids out of state. As long as you are connected to the children in any meaningful way (which I presume you are and have been fro years)...she can NEVER move to wherever OM is. NY courts may not even let her move out of the county.

Your posts dont make any sense.
You really need to separate from her and get your head clear so you can focus.

MyWife,

Sorry to burst your bubble, but based on your posts the last few days I think you're giving people here a short-sell -I,e., your short, convenient answers give me the feeling you did not expose at all. Why would you devote a post about 'her veins just popped out of her neck' instead of telling what discussions took place after exposure and where you guys are at.

Look, people here are very willing to help you, and I realize you may be panicked, but unless you grasp the MB plan here and the advice and give straight answers you're going to continue to flounder.

Tom

I did expose, and she took off to her sister's for the night afterward...ie I struck paydirt on the affair target. Now it's been a week or so, and exposure has done nothing....my WW is now not undressing in front of me, and is "uncomfortable" with me around the house...and is sending me emails regarding how "I'm" making the kids uncomfortable.

Giving up the dream home that we've built is not acceptable to me at this time, ie divorcing her. I just treat her like she's not there. It sucks but the alternative is a family split, with neither of us able to afford a "home" by ourselves, probably big lawyer fees, and our kids sharing time with their parents in apartments....low end price range.

I am completely stuck, for now....now if she gets "desperate" to flee, maybe she'll make a deal so that I'd be able to keep the home....right now she has herself positioned to have her cake and eat mine too.

You are not stuck...you choose to stay for finances and the kids. While that it understandable to a degree, it is still a choice you make and it will cost you in other ways. If you choose to live like this, the only thing I can advise is getting on ADs because you likely need them to tolerate a life like this.

IGNORED.

Several times.

Wouldn't surprise in at all to find out that your WW has already seen a lawyer and planning for D herself. Sounds like she's already setting things up to demonize you.

It kind of ticks me off when posters spout this kind of stuff.

Divorce is a transition and is not easy for ANYBODY who makes that decision. Many posters here (several who have posted to you) have gone through it and we would tell you it was the best decision we made for ourselves and our children despite the financial hardships and other challenges (having to move, court battles, etc).

Having a deathgrip on a WS to avoid moving when it is going to negatively impact your health and be confusing and detrimental to your children so that you don't lose your "dream house" is absurd if you ask me. And yes, I was faced with losing my dream house (built in 2007) as well. It wasn't a factor for me.

She is about as cold and calculating as a WW can get and I have been reading here for a long time. She will not strike a deal with you because she is desperate to flee. This is the kind of WW who will be calling the police and telling them that you assaulted/threatened her in order to get you out of the house. Sounds like she is already working that angle.

I say this as kindly as I can, but wake up and let go of Plan HOPE. Make an appt to see a lawyer, like, yesterday.

Isn't a "low end" apartment and splitting time with the kids better than living with your cereal cheating, uncaring wife?

Call an attorney.

Here's a thought...

Has she been poisoning your food????

A serial cheating wayward wife with an OM who lives across the country that she can't really be with unless she moves out west who talks to an attorney that tells her New York is a very hard state to petition to relocate with kids in a divorce situation. What's she to do but maybe eliminate the living problem or make you crazy enough in the process to get the courts to agree to whatever she wants to do???

I know this is far out speculation but who'd have thought she'd be having another affair. It appears this is who she is and she's capable of anything when it comes to getting what she wants at YOUR expense.


Staying with her to keep a peaceful home is actually a terrible thing to model for your children. Would you want or advise YOUR very own children to do the same one day if they were to find themselves in your position. No you wouldn't. So why model if for them? Why teach them that being abused is OK as long as everyone else is happy and not inconvenienced???

In my opinion, you need to take a strong stand to remove this woman from you life. IF she comes begging back and ready to address her issues and weaknesses MAYBE you could consider reconciliation. But Plan A is not healthy for you anymore. Nor is Plan A something you need to model for the kids. Two strikes and the marriage is over. If she wants to try to save it...then send her to us and we'll talk about it with her.

Godspeed friend.

Mr. W

Sir,
At this very moment there are people fighting and dying far away in Ukraine. Why? Because as a people, they want the right to determine their own destiny. They could have chosen to continue to have their destiny written by a foreign government but they instead chose to stand up and fight for a real life. America chose a similar course of action in 1776.

You have chosen to remain paralyzed through fear of the future and consequences of divorcing her. Like an abused wife that is afraid to leave her husband for fear of the outside world, you remain in this terrible marriage and house.

She is committing an evil sin by committing this adultery; However, you are also committing a sin and evil choice in remaining and choosing this abuse. It is evil to willingly choose death over life, and that is what you are doing.