X2. If you want to date, get divorced and find someone with sense.

You know an affairage won't last anyway, this woman knows she is just a revenge affair and you are still courting your WW.

That is some very low hanging fruit and I hope you will tell your children that you have been juggling ladies while their world falls apart.
.You owe them an apology.

Yesterday I broke it off with the girl I was seeing. Had long conversation with WW about us last night. My WW says the OM found out she is back in contact with me and OM is having insucurity issues and almost broke it off the other night. WW keeps telling me what if it doesn't work with us and I lose you and OM. WW says she feels forced, doesn't want to act on what she is feeling for me yet and doesn't want to hurt OM. WW says let it happen natural on its own. WW has me so confused how she is acting. WW keeps having these encounters with me to see if she feels something and then makes it easier for her to let OM go?? I know she is not completely happy but seems to be hooked on OM salesman skills yet.


My WW is on the fence,but still wants to go through with divorce, do I keep in regular contact with her? Do I start messaging OM telling him to stay away?

Her reaction is exactly what I expected. The OM is like crack and she is severely addicted. That is why I suggested moving away. If you move away and go into a dark Plan B, her affair will start crumbling. The future of her affair is hopeless and it won't last.

If you do a stellar Plan A in the time it takes to get moved away, by the time you go into Plan B and move her affair will have crumbled and she can follow you to the new place. Moving away will best for you all, because if she lives there, she will be perpetually triggered by the OM. You will also be perpetually triggered by this traumatic event if you stay there.

That was a great move.... Good for you for following through...

WW doesn't live with me anymore, how would moving away help? What is a dark plan b?

The point of moving away is to lure her away from that area. If she lives in the same town as the OM, she will be perpetually triggered by him as a crackhead is around crack. Therefore, your marriage can only survive if you move away. If you live in another town/state, when her affair ends, she can follow you there. That would set you up for the potential for recovery.

Plan B is a completely dark separation where you have no contact with her.

OM lives in another town 15 miles away in an area we never had to go before. Do I write her one last message explaining that I still love her but can't keep getting pulled back and forth?

See, it will be too tempting for her with him being so close. That is the point of moving. Getting away from him will give you and your wife the best chance for recovery. She can't ever withdraw from her addiction if she is right there.

I would not send her such a message at all. I would keep putting your best foot forward and try to attract her back for a few weeks. Did you read Surviving an Affair?

I would also strongly suggest you read this thread. This husband did a stellar Plan A and Plan B and he and his wife are back together. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2815007&page=1

I did read it, but it was 6 months ago. I will read it again and refresh. So you suggest basically plan A for about 3 weeks then go dark? I think another problem is that my WWs parents have accepted OM and allow him in their home with my kids.

Do you have Surviving an Affair? Have you read it?

Yes I read it 6 months ago, but need to reread and refresh.

Keep your kids away from the OM. They don't need to be taught that adultery is an acceptable lifestyle. You can tell your scummy inlaws that you don't appreciate their support of the destruction of your marriage and their grandchildrens family. Their support of this affair is harmful to those kids.

I would let your wife know today that your kids are not be exposed to her affair.

I would also ask your inlaws to stop allowing her to conduct her affair from their home. What kind of of parenfs do that? If she has access to your finances, I would shut that off immediately.

I'm going to do my best keeping them away from OM. I'm going to talk to my in laws.

Should I keep having encounters at my house that last for hours with WW? WW told me last time she felt so comfortable and could have sat and talked all night.


Also in past I never directly talked to OM wife, should I get in contact and get as much info on him as possible?

What is your goal? reconciliation? or not?

NebDane Yes I want her back.

Listen to Melody.
You have to Plan A. But you need to protect your kids as well.

Just let your wife know that the kids are NEVER to be around this unfit adult. They should not be dragged into her adultery. I am really shocked that her parents are so uncaring and unloving towards their own daughter and her children that they would enable her in that way. I would ask them to support your marriage and your chidden instead of the affair. [when you get back with your wife I would cut these toxic people out of your lives]



HELL YES!


HELL YES!





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I can't believe that you never directly spoke to the OMW.

I can't believe that you have not yet moved your WW far away from the OM. That 15 miles is not enough when 1,500 miles is needed.

WW says she wants to continue with divorce, which is final 4-13-2015. WW says she doesnt want act on hear feelings towards me yet. She's unsure of OM but doesn't want to hurt him and wants us getting back together to happen natural. WW says if OM not in picture we would be together. WW wants to see where it goes with OM and thinks she is feeling the way she is because she is not fully living with him. WW says what if it doesn't work between us and then I lose OM and you. WW friend says after talking with her that WW is torn.

I can't even think straight with the lose of my dad and this with my WW. She has me so confused. I want to delay the divorce date but not sure how that will affect her?