SIL, have you put a key logger on her computer? Because the problem here is that she is very likely in the early stages of an affair.

Is this guy married? And have you copied and pasted all of his Facebook contacts into a text doc for safekeeping?

The reason nothing is working for you is because she is having an affair. That has to be rooted out before you can do anything.

What spyware do you have installed?

She does everything on her cell phone. She doesn't go on her PC.
There are no Facebook contacts to copy and paste. Or what do you mean by contacts?

OM's Facebook contact list. Copy and save them.

You need to put spyware on her cell phone.

Can you get spyware on her phone?

And you need to go to the OM's Facebook page and copy his contacts.

What would copying his contacts help with?

You need to copy his contacts because they probably are having an affair and as soon as you discover the affair and confront him he will block you from Facebook or disable his account.

You need to have a list of people to expose any affair to

She has him blocked on Facebook and has for the last two months.

I don't understand why she feels she can't fix the issue with wanting to have sex with me. She feels she doesn't think she can ever fix it. I keep telling her you just need the right help. You need the willingness to change and fix it. I also say it can be fixed and that she isn't the only one to have this issue who have fix it.

I guess I just need to find the right words of encouragement.

That doesn't mean anything.
Since they work together she can see him whenever she wants to

What you need to do is snoop and find any evidence of an affair and prepare for exposure.

Because she is in love with another man!

Emotionally, she considers you some guy she once dated and she can't quite remember why.

An affair is a massive overdose of goofy-juice. All logic and consideration go out the window. You are trying to have a logical discussion about reconnecting a marriage with an obsessed affair addict. Think teenage girl. Its all 'soul mates' and 'meant to be' - and she isn't talking about you.

Until the affair is TRULY dead (sorry he isn't blocked - it's just gone underground) she won't even consider you a contender.

Even when it is dead she will have to go through a withdrawal where she never sees, hears or thinks of him before she will be back with you mentally.

Snoop and expose - it's the only way to kill it.

In the meantime drop all talk of the program and just woo her like any guy would any girl.

Because that is the program, really.

She feels that way because she isn't in love with you.
She's falling in love with a coworker.

I must also add that you are not to lecture her. If she believes love is dispensed by a magic pixie - so be it. Those are her beliefs.

Lecturing her on what to believe is both a selfish demand and annoying habit.

Say 'uh huh' and ' how can I help you with that' and just nod and listen like any clever courting man would do.

That's what her co-worker is doing at lunch and it is how women fall for men.

She seems to want to just separate based on her words and actions and maybe that's what she needs to realize she is making a mistake not wanting to work on this. I know this is a red flag. How do you court someone who demolishes any kind thing you do or say to them.

You will need them when you expose the affair.

Here are my words of encouragement:

1. SNOOP AND GET THE EVIDENCE OF THE AFFAIR
2. PREPARE FOR MASSIVE EXPOSURE

Doing these things will give you the best chance to save your marriage. Can you think anything that would be more encouraging than that?

She is going to stay at her moms.

Hat spyware do you have installed.