Black_raven, I talked to a lawyer and he said I would only be responsible for debt that was incurred for marital expenses. If my WH borrowed it for say his own purposes ,or his own living expenses or his own business etc. I would not be held responsible for that debt even though we are not yet legally separated. Do you think this is correct ?
Zo

Hi Everyone,
Having some trouble remaining dark enough.I guess the best way to describe this is WH is complaining to his parents about being exposed and trying to make me look bad to them. They are very upset and feel I am hurting him and his business because his clients now know, word has gotten around , and the OW co workers now know ( I don't know how that happened)
He tells his folks these things because he knows it hurts THEM, and because they are very old fashioned, and believe things should remain private, so they are angry at me .they think because of the past exposure It is my fault now .
Also he knows there is no way to contact me except through my IM so he has gone through his brother who then contacted the parents. It was a very upsetting day, I gently reminded my in laws that if my WH has something to say to me he is to go through the IM and that he caused all this not me. I love my in laws and want to stay in their lives , What should I do about this?
Any advice would be appreciated.
Zo

Good answer to your in-laws. They should not be angry about exposure. If they are, they will get over it. It's not a deal breaker, nor should it be. In the long run, if they have any common sense, they will understand that hiding a problem enables it.

If your marriage survives this, your relationship with your in-laws will be strong. If it doesn't, then your contact with them will diminish and with that so will the connection, though there will always probably be good feelings so long as they don't turn on you.

You are doing the right thing, and though they may not understand Plan B, it doesn't really matter. Hang in there.

Tell your ILs

I love you two but my feelings are very hurt by your lack of support for what I am going through. I don't feel safe with you right now. Please either give me support or give me space to heal from this devastation.

(You need to create a new support system.)

Also remember the fallout from exposure is due to his affair not by you telling the truth.

You're in Plan B. For your sake, tell everyyone that you don't want to know/hear anything about your WH while he stays wayward. Do not feel guilty about exposure. That is your WH still trying to gaslight everyone.

Thank you all, it's just another truth I needed to hear, I need to remind myself I did not cause this, he did. Exposure is good and enabling is bad, which is what his parents are doing. As a matter of fact they have always been like this and I am just now realizing how bad it really is and the generations it has affected. I still hope for reconciliation , although I do not know how I could live with all this and I might not ever have the chance to know anyway .
I will remind everyone again I do not want to know anything!!!
Thanks,
Zo

Question, I feel strange without my wedding ring on, yet it doesn't feel right to wear it either. It was my grandmothers and WH had a engagement ring made to match it , I thought I could have them separated and wear my grandmas ring on my right hand. Even though I'm still,legally married . I don't feel married and being in Plan B I'm on my own anyway.
Thanks Zo

Also I wanted to let you all know I had my hair done, cut colored and highlighted! My cousin did as a gift , so I did something for myself and it felt good.
Zo

Good job. This is so important while in Plan B. Continue with your self care.

About your wedding ring, I would continue to wear it until divorced. After all you didn't want to end the marriage and you didn't ruin it by having an affair.

When and what's your next self care? Have you ever had a manicure or pedicure?

Hi !
I gave myself a manicure and pedicure, tomorrow I am going for a walk with the family , I am back with my brother now. Doing a little better each day. I did feel sad today because all I wanted to do was go home, but. I have no home and that sucks. WH took all that away . My disability is almost up . I'm going to have to do something( get a job) yet I don't feel ready to do anything.
I think I'm still in shock a little .
BIG BREATH
Zo

I'm feeling lost. I read the thread on The Art of War. Since I'm in Plan B And am dark I don't feel like I am doing anything to fight for my marriage. Since all exposure is done ,It feels as if I'm allowing my WH and the OW to just continue on undisturbed.
Is there ever a time to remind WH of PBL?
Is there anything else I can do? the only thing I have not done is post OW on websites and I listened to Dr Harley's radio show on that and he said he doesn't recommend it one way or the other. Any advice?
Zo

First, you aren't fighting for your marriage in Plan B. The purpose of Plan B is to protect the emotional health of the betrayed spouse.

Second, you are not "allowing" BH and OW to continue their affair. You have no control over their behavior so you cannot allow or disallow the adultery to continue.

Third, regarding exposure, I would ask you: What do you have to lose by posting OW on an internet exposure website?

No. In Plan B you should have no communication with him.
He doesn't need reminded.

Z, you've been doing a great job! I know it's hard and you feel helpless but continue with plan B. Make you your biggest focus. Who do you want to be, married or not? Start becoming that woman.

Though it's hard to imagine, affairs are not a happy place to be. Your husband has his own struggle but do what you can to NOT think about it. Let him tough things out.

I get the sense that you are a very devoted wife, so trying to dream a new life is tough. You've devoted yourself to WH and your family for so long that being cut loose from it is terribly difficult.

KEEP GOING. WH knows what needs to be done if he wants to win you back. If he cant do those things, you WILL create a new life for yourself. Keep going.

Hi Zibbles, Jedi_Knight,
I am having a hard time reconciling the fact that there will be no reconciliation. I guess I feel I may not have done enough in Plan -A, but when I look back and review I think I did. The pain is great , I wonder if it could be due to my own ego? Since I really didn't end this? I mean I did ask WH not to come home but that was already at DDAY2.
Zo

I would just focus on Plan B and LIVING LIFE.

Hi All,
Is there a forum for people in Plan B? If so I can't find it. If there isn't , is it possible to create one? I wonder what Dr Harley would say about that and if he has any ideas about a book for people in Plan B. I've read SAA, and 3 other books that focus mostly on being in a relationship or PlanA and then how to correctly do Plan B. Plan B is recommended to last 2 years and It is not recommended to date or even have a close relationship,with the opposite sex, ( not that I have any desire ) there are a lot of stages involved, grief , anger , fear, etc. anyone have any ideas or suggestions ? Friends are great but it would be nice to read some good material on it that helped work through all those feelings.
Thanks Zo

Have you read any of the threads from posters that are in Plan B?

This board is full of people that have been in Plan B.

There used to be a Plan B thread where people hung out who were in it.

It disappeared during a board revamp.