That doesn't stop you snooping and busting up her affair.

Her moving into mums is simply a textbook manouevre. Is mum going to help her once she knows about the A?

Just stop being the enemy (lecturing etc) - be a nice guy but a firm one. Blow up the A and give her a soft place to land.

I don't have any spyware installed.

How do you plan to uncover this A then?

Until you have enough proof to expose she is running the show and it is going to involve a lot of pushing you away and a lot of "I don't know how to love you" / "I am sorry I am hurting you" / "I hate you" / "I want us to be divorced best friends" and other fun riddles.

You will have to wear a poker face and pretend her efforts to puncture your confidence are not working. You will have to act like a confident man who knows he will get the girl. You will have to be like a cheery parent with a sulky teenager.

Which is exhausting.

Until exposure. Then you can start to make real progress and her charade is done with.

I have a way of tracking her location. She doesn't know i am doing this. However, since she is staying at her moms this week. I will track her locations after work and see if i can spy on her where she goes and do my own Private I work. The only problem is when i have my son, its hard for me to conduct the work.

Its also hard, because if she is having an affair it is in work affair. She works in a hospital so i can't really see. She works in pharmacy department and this other guy works in Surgery Department. I still don't think she is having an affair although all signs point to yes.

I do know i will have a happy marriage, whether it be with my wife or not. I do believe anything is fixable if you put your mind and heart into it. I can't change her beliefs, so i can only hope.

You need to put spyware on her phone. Tracking her whereabouts won't confirm anything other than where she's at if she's having an affair at work.

Have you checked her online phone records?

What spyware would you recommend?

Im looking into Spy Bubble.

Need to figure out how to get her phone and install it. Since she is at her moms house.

She has moved into her mother's home in spite of the fact she has a willing partner ready to discuss any concerns. Is she doing that?

If, as she claims she has simply fallen out of love with you she could still remain in the marital home. At least until she finds a real place.

She doesn't need to be away from you unless she needs space for someone else.

I think she probably tried to extracate herself from an affair when she blocked him on FB.

That's not really enough to free yourself though. She has been getting lovebank deposits from this guy daily at work.

All he would have to do is get her coffee or smile at her or let her know he is available to support her to do that. The lovebank mounts up slowly and if it's 15 hrs per week over so many weeks pretty much anyone is a goner - no matter what your morals.

When your lovebank for an unsuitable person is high; your judgement is severely compromised. Instead of talking to you she is talking to him about it.

There are some good tips on different spyware for different devices the operation investigate forum. Do you think you can get hold of her phone?


Time is also of the essence. She may have moved out so as to allow an EA to become a PA.

So get a babysitter to take care of child care or hire a PI. It's cheaper than a divorce! A PI can usually get the goods in just a few days.

She says the main issue is that she doesn't remember ever having a physical chemistry with me or if she can change to fix the sexual fulfillment part of our relationship and if i ask if she is in love with me she says she doesn't know.

Why do you guys always say 'she says'

Oh wait - I did that too at first.

She isn't telling you flat out frankly about the affair? That's hardly a shocker. Anything 'she says' will be comfortably vague on that score.

She's also telling the truth. When an affair takes over the brain becomes effectively drunk on dopamine. Like falling in ordinary love times a thousand because it is hyped up.

An affair-riddled brain remembers little and knows less.

So what should I be doing while she wants space to figure her head out. Let's pretend there is no affair going on or emotional affair and she really is just confused. do I let her see how life will be without me? Stay silent, just answer her if she has any questions.

Can you afford a PI?

What kind of phone does she have? I have never used spybubble, but have read it's worked for others.

I can afford one but don't really think it's necessary. She has an iphone 5. I don't want to have to jailbreak her phone though. Is there other alternatives? If I had her Mac book I could set up her iMessage account to duplicate her iMessages to it. But she took that to her moms because she knows I can do that.

So what should I be doing while she wants space to figure her head out. Let's pretend there is no affair going on or emotional affair and she really is just confused. do I let her see how life will be without me? Stay silent, just answer her if she has any questions.

Well it isn't a priority just yet. Finding and exposing the A is. You can woo her- or Plan A her - more after exposure.

Expsoure is like a cup of black coffee to a drunk person. You can't have much impact on her while she is drunk.

For now, just sort of meet needs in a 'hit and run' way. Call her to say good morning, ask her if she needs help with anything today, check in to say goodnight, drop off her favourite snack food or notes etc. Just be a nice, available, pressure free guy.

Read up on Plan A. We have a thread on the 'carrot and stick of Plan A' which is good.

She is going to be quite hostile to your meeting any of her needs; because they make her feel guilty. Wonderful. Her guilt is your friend.

But exposure is far, far more of a priority than anything she says, thinks or feels while drunk in the fog. She won't even remember most of this when she is back to being wide awake.

To get her wide awake you need exposure.

My family and friends, all say to leave her be and not talk to her. If we talk, its only about my child.

Even her coworkers say she isn't talking to this other guy as well.

But your family and friends don't know how to save marriages. Dr. Harley advises men to reach out to their wives and do all they can to express willingness to meet their needs. If you leave her be, as your friends and family suggest, she will conclude that you don't care about her.