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I would say this is a case where divorce is the definition of success.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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BigDave, You need to get over your selfish justifying attitude.
We have ALL played a role in getting our marriages in the ditch, as I'm sure your wife has too. MB is not a way to attack one spouse while giving the other one a free ride, trust me. If you were to stay here and work the program, eventually she too would be required to put effort in to meet your needs and do her part to create a good marriage.
But to say that her 'checking out' was equally as bad as your cheating? No, not even close. Infidelity is the most destructive and painful thing one spouse can do to another. We've been married 15 years, I started cheating 7 years ago. I spent seven years trying to figure out how to get her back in the marriage. I was lonely and heartbroken for 7 years. The pain of being alone in a marriage is intense. I gave up and found what I needed elsewhere. I'm not inclined to go fight for her and find myself alone in marriage again. The pain is deafening. I love my kids and I stopped my philandering for them and for their mother.
Online sex sites for five years
3 year online affair
Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
Dday - several (most were her suspicions but never verified)
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She made her choice, and I offered her time to think about it. She refused. She wants you to fight for her Dave...but you are preparing to battle her because a divorce facilitator recommended it. You stab her in the heart and are now going to twist the knife even deeper. Someday years from now you will regret your choices.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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It was her choice. I was told yesterday to let her make that choice, and I did. Now you are telling me it is the easy way out?
She made her choice, and I offered her time to think about it. She refused.
She said she is at the same place now she was after having our first child. The marriage was in trouble and she didn't have the fight to deal with it. She said she checked out and never checked back in. I have talked to her over the years about therapy and intimacy to no avail.
I did the chasing for years and years. I suppose I'm just plain tired, I don't want to be the one chasing her anymore. By her own admission she stopped putting in effort a long time ago.
I get it, I cheated, I'm the bad guy. She took away intimacy and physical love after the first year of marriage and I've been chasing emotional attachment and physical intimacy ever since. When I couldn't get it from her, I went outside the marriage and it was wrong. I know it was wrong, but what she did isn't any less wrong or better than what I did. What she did isnt any less wrong? She had a husband involved with multiple affairs and you blame her? You're like a drunk that blames others for their misfortunes in life. So basically you are stating that you are a man that is not responsible for his own actions. "she made me do it"..."the devil made me do it" No, it was my decision and choice. I made it on my own, and I should have made a different choice. I didn't. I should have filed instead of cheating when I realized I was alone in the marriage and it wasn't going to change.
Online sex sites for five years
3 year online affair
Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
Dday - several (most were her suspicions but never verified)
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I love my kids and I stopped my philandering for them and for their mother. No, you were outed by one of your online girlfriends. That's what started this. You didnt stop out of love for anyone. You don't love your wife or children, your actions show you only care about self gratification
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Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
You need to take this out of your tagline. You have no intention of making it work. All I have seen on this thread is a man who wants to continue to control and manipulate his wife and his own wrongdoings, make excuses, and then take HIS OWN WIFE AND MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN to the cleaners in a divorce.
You can still turn this around I bet, but not until you wake up in a major way, and commit to changing your entire way of thinking.
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I love my kids and I stopped my philandering for them and for their mother. No, you were outed by one of your online girlfriends. That's what started this. You didnt stop out of love for anyone. You don't love your wife or children, your actions show you only care about self gratification No, I continued in an affair after I was outed. Again, my choice. I ended that last spring when I knew I needed to be better for my family. End of story.
Online sex sites for five years
3 year online affair
Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
Dday - several (most were her suspicions but never verified)
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Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
You need to take this out of your tagline. You have no intention of making it work. All I have seen on this thread is a man who wants to continue to control and manipulate his wife and his own wrongdoings, make excuses, and then take HIS OWN WIFE AND MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN to the cleaners in a divorce.
You can still turn this around I bet, but not until you wake up in a major way, and commit to changing your entire way of thinking. Not true, she can have everything but the kids. I can rebuild financially.
Online sex sites for five years
3 year online affair
Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
Dday - several (most were her suspicions but never verified)
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[
We've been married 15 years, I started cheating 7 years ago. I spent seven years trying to figure out how to get her back in the marriage. I was lonely and heartbroken for 7 years. The pain of being alone in a marriage is intense. I gave up and found what I needed elsewhere. A man who commits adultery, destroys his children's family and then BLAMES the victim is no prize, my friend. Your complete lack of remorse for your adultery tells me you are still very wayward. Because of your wayward mindset I can only conclude that you are a) still in an affair or b) naturally wayward minded. In either case, your wife won the prize with a divorce. She is better off without you. Like I said, divorce is the definition of success. AND, your children can be told what you really did to them. They should know all about your affairs and why their family is being broken up.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Not true, she can have everything but the kids. I can rebuild financially. Not your decision.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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BigDave, You need to get over your selfish justifying attitude.
We have ALL played a role in getting our marriages in the ditch, as I'm sure your wife has too. MB is not a way to attack one spouse while giving the other one a free ride, trust me. If you were to stay here and work the program, eventually she too would be required to put effort in to meet your needs and do her part to create a good marriage.
But to say that her 'checking out' was equally as bad as your cheating? No, not even close. Infidelity is the most destructive and painful thing one spouse can do to another. We've been married 15 years, I started cheating 7 years ago. I spent seven years trying to figure out how to get her back in the marriage. I was lonely and heartbroken for 7 years. The pain of being alone in a marriage is intense. I gave up and found what I needed elsewhere. I'm not inclined to go fight for her and find myself alone in marriage again. The pain is deafening. I love my kids and I stopped my philandering for them and for their mother. MB and this forum was here 7 years ago! Instead of finding sex sites, you could have found this one, and found a plan to either rebuild your marriage so that you were BOTH happy, or separate and divorce and find personal happiness. Instead you chose to invest in sex sites and sexting. Many people in the world, and certainly many posters here, have experienced that 'deafening pain' of being alone in a marriage. So you are preaching to the choir. There are many people who have had very troubled marriages, yet not chosen to cheat.
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Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
You need to take this out of your tagline. You have no intention of making it work. All I have seen on this thread is a man who wants to continue to control and manipulate his wife and his own wrongdoings, make excuses, and then take HIS OWN WIFE AND MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN to the cleaners in a divorce.
You can still turn this around I bet, but not until you wake up in a major way, and commit to changing your entire way of thinking. Not true, she can have everything but the kids. I can rebuild financially. I can see it now, you telling your wife, who has just found out a bit more about your years of infidelity, who is deeply hurt and damaged, "you can have the money but I'm taking the kids." Makes me sick, your lack of remorse. I agree with MelodyLane, divorce is the definition of success for your wife at this point. I only wish SHE were here instead, so we could advise her on how to find personal happiness after you have pulled the rug out from under her and destroyed your family.
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Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
You need to take this out of your tagline. You have no intention of making it work. All I have seen on this thread is a man who wants to continue to control and manipulate his wife and his own wrongdoings, make excuses, and then take HIS OWN WIFE AND MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN to the cleaners in a divorce.
You can still turn this around I bet, but not until you wake up in a major way, and commit to changing your entire way of thinking. Not true, she can have everything but the kids. I can rebuild financially. I highly suspect that you also know the kids are important to her so you will try to punish her where it hurts most
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BigDave, You need to get over your selfish justifying attitude.
We have ALL played a role in getting our marriages in the ditch, as I'm sure your wife has too. MB is not a way to attack one spouse while giving the other one a free ride, trust me. If you were to stay here and work the program, eventually she too would be required to put effort in to meet your needs and do her part to create a good marriage.
But to say that her 'checking out' was equally as bad as your cheating? No, not even close. Infidelity is the most destructive and painful thing one spouse can do to another. We've been married 15 years, I started cheating 7 years ago. I spent seven years trying to figure out how to get her back in the marriage. I was lonely and heartbroken for 7 years. The pain of being alone in a marriage is intense. I gave up and found what I needed elsewhere. I'm not inclined to go fight for her and find myself alone in marriage again. The pain is deafening. I love my kids and I stopped my philandering for them and for their mother. MB and this forum was here 7 years ago! Instead of finding sex sites, you could have found this one, and found a plan to either rebuild your marriage so that you were BOTH happy, or separate and divorce and find personal happiness. Instead you chose to invest in sex sites and sexting. Many people in the world, and certainly many posters here, have experienced that 'deafening pain' of being alone in a marriage. So you are preaching to the choir. There are many people who have had very troubled marriages, yet not chosen to cheat. I understand that. I know I could have and should have made a different choice 7 years ago. I didn't. I can't change it. I've told the wife as much. I told her I knew it was wrong and it was my choice alone. I admitted my failings and she admitted hers. I'm respecting her choice and giving her what she wants. When I hire a lawyer I'll be asking for a 90/10 split financially (in her favor), in return for 75/25 custody split in my favor.
Online sex sites for five years
3 year online affair
Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
Dday - several (most were her suspicions but never verified)
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I admitted my failings and she admitted hers. I'm respecting her choice and giving her what she wants. Actually you blamed HER for your failings and have no remorse whatsoever. When I hire a lawyer I'll be asking for a 90/10 split financially (in her favor), in return for 75/25 custody split in my favor. Asking is not getting, though. You will get what the court decides. It is out of your hands. Courts don't typically give those custody splits to a man, especially one who is corrupt with a history of serial cheating. Depending on what state you are in, they may take your wayward history into account. Even in some no fault states, they will use adultery in determining custody.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No, I continued in an affair after I was outed. Again, my choice. I ended that last spring when I knew I needed to be better for my family. End of story. Yet, no sign of remorse.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I admitted my failings and she admitted hers. I'm respecting her choice and giving her what she wants. Actually you blamed HER for your failings and have no remorse whatsoever. When I hire a lawyer I'll be asking for a 90/10 split financially (in her favor), in return for 75/25 custody split in my favor. Asking is not getting, though. You will get what the court decides. It is out of your hands. Courts don't typically give those custody splits to a man, especially one who is corrupt with a history of serial cheating. Depending on what state you are in, they may take your wayward history into account. Even in some no fault states, they will use adultery in determining custody. That is why I will be going with a lawyer with a proven track record.
Online sex sites for five years
3 year online affair
Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
Dday - several (most were her suspicions but never verified)
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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That is why I will be going with a lawyer with a proven track record. Good for you. Now, what did you need here?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I assumed you wanted an update to out talk last night. We're talking to the kids tonight, I'll let you know how that goes.
Online sex sites for five years
3 year online affair
Rededicated to wife and trying to make it work
Dday - several (most were her suspicions but never verified)
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Posts: 3,197
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I assumed you wanted an update to out talk last night. We're talking to the kids tonight, I'll let you know how that goes. This is a marriage building site, not a 'help you find ways to further exploit and damage your betrayed spouse' website. Nobody here will waste their time doing that. You are not remorseful, you do not see the damage you have caused, you do not seem interested in doing any work to fix your marriage. By your own admission, you are *tired* and not interested in fighting for your marriage or your wife. So, how could we possibly help you? I think it will be a cold day in hell before you send your wife here, but I am going to ask you to anyway. Send your wife here so we can support her and help her weed through this mess.
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