You can tell her it is an anonymous forum.

Tell her what good there is here for HER. Tell her what she would like here. There are a lot of people who have been where she is now and have been through the same devastating events and who can help support her in dumping you if that's what she decides she wants to do, or in staying with you if that's what she decides she wants to do.

Give her information about the Marriage Builders Radio program and app as well.

It's great that you were honest with your wife. You need to give her time to digest what you told her, this is probably the most dramatic thing that has ever happened to her so of course she says she wants nothing to do with you. The majority of people at least try to recover their marraige so be aware of that and don't give up hope.

Whenever she is ready to give it a shot you need to be ready with a great plan. The MB program is great and proven to be successful. You must follow every aspect of the plan, Dr. Harley states that your marriage has slim chances and if you skip steps of the plan then your chances of recovery go to almost zero. So make sure you learn the plan and are ready to commit to everything in the plan.

Lastly, if you're interested in the science behind the Marriage Builders plan then go straght to the source, Dr. Harley. You can email his radio show and he and his wife Joyce read every email they receive. Good luck, learn the plan, commit to the plan and give yourself the best chance at a happy marriage. Don't live with regret and hope you could have done more.

email: mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

Thanks for the info. It looks like I made it worse by posting our private life here, but she did say she would come.

The talk with our kids went as well as can be expected. I don't want to make it worse by putting what the wife might see as private on here. If she wants to give any details about how it went, I'll leave it up to her.

For a BS, it is often humiliating and brings shame when your spouse cheats, even though it shouldn't. Many people have a gut reaction to hide this 'secret' about their lives, because they are embarrassed.

Hopefully if she comes here and realizes that we have BTDT and only seek to support a new way of life for the both of you, she will see it differently.

I hope you're right.

I don't consider this to be a very public place. It is anonymous and I certainly have no clue about you and your wife's real identities.

Have you looked at the "Surviving an Affair" video yet? Have you printed out and reviewed the list of extraordinary precautions? Have you started working on them, regardless of whether your wife wants a divorce or not?

AM

**edit**

Goodness, no! You must have misunderstood. I imagine that your husband may be putting his own slant on things. He sounds to me like he wants you to "heal" so he can carry on life as it was. In other words, he has a biased agenda and a vested interest in making things come out his way.


Well, that's kind of nasty. I have an exciting marriage, seven homeschooled children my wife and I are raising, and we are regularly on the road as a family doing fun things. Right now we are remodeling our new home. I spend a lot of time here helping because it helped me to learn what to do to save our marriage years ago when my wife and I used to fight all the time.

Anyway, we are happy to help if you are interested. Going to take me a little bit to get through your very long post.

BTW, start your own thread, apart from your husband's. That's usually the best practice when husband and wife don't post.

Plus, why on earth would you want to now? Only you can decide if you want to stay with him or not.

Notimpressed,

Dave was asked to invite you here...not so you would "collapse and beg for help" but so you could receive help and a plan to recover from his affairs if you so desired.

Oh my goodness, you must have read some other book?

Nobody made you come here and post - are you here just to be hateful? Nobody makes anybody follow the advice here, and people who don't agree with the approach are free to go elsewhere.

For those who have followed the program, we have had great results.

My actual thinking was that with his attitude the group here could give you some help in achieving separation, divorce, and personal recovery. But of course that's your decision to make.

I already decided, and I am not a woman that changes her mind.

Not really, because everybody can do what they want in life!

**edit**

Well, I wish you the best in life and getting through the divorce.

Thank you, I do appreciate that.

If you so desire, there is a divorce forum here too if you wanted to start a thread there and discuss post marriage dating too

Absolutely untrue.