I do not believe you. I believe your focus is Plan Aing your WW for life (you have basically asked/admitted to this).

Lol...you sound like my WW.

Then your WW must know that you will not divorce her no matter how she treats you. If that is the case, you may end up staying married but you won't be in a happy marriage as she has little motive to act right...your children will see that too.

That was your exposure to your children? Really?

I don't think this is a joke.

I have never heard another divorcing BH say this before. As far as I know, men these days have a very good argument for 50-50 unless the mother is a SAHM, in that case she has a good argument for primary. You have already told us that she is dating some cokehead loser. YOU are the one with ammo for primary.

Even if you fight ONLY for 50-50 and she gets primary, you can tell your kids that you are fighting for them and the situation will be clear that you do not agree with what she is doing etc.

You have admitted your children are struggling and confused. I can see why. What you are doing makes ZERO sense. Chasing after a serial cheating WW who gaslights you in front of your children.

You have admitted you have health issues and stress will only exacerbate it. If you were putting your children FIRST, then you would abandon Plan A.

It is clear that you want to stay married at all costs.

^^^^^^^

Please listen to this.

The "deadly affaairs" comment was not what I said to the kids. I didn'the close the quote before that comment. I sat down with WW to discuss separation of assets, kids etc.... she is pretty willing to give me quite a bit. I will pass some of this to my lawyer... She is agreeing to use just my lawyer..If I can get that to actually happen, it would be good for me. I want this done...plan A'ING as you have said is not good for the kids either. But I did help my boy a good deal with his homework while WW was busy on her phone. She's deep into protection mode...but I really don'the care anymore .

BTW..I'm actually feeling quite a bit better health wise. WW shed some crock tears during our discussion of our impending financial plight when this goes down.

Actually, In Plan A you shouldnt even be talking divorce with her

Mywife,
You've been down this road before. This time you don't seem to be executing a clear plan. Step back and think about this.

Talked to Lawyer....he says in my situation (after discussing all debt, fees and selling of the house), and in NY, most likely I get kids every other weekend,on paper, pay up the A$$ in child support, and WW will try to push more time onto me with the kids to "fit her needs" while still getting full CS....says he's seen it way too often. I'd be trying to support myself on around $400/wk in an area that has aptmts. for no less then $700/mo.

He said try working it out with her. DOH!

Can you go for primary custody of the kids?

Sure...but odds according to attorney are slim to none in NY. My wife on the surface is a "perfect Mother". No history of any misdoings...she has perfected the art of sociopathic behavior. So charming on the surface...but to the victims...unproveable emotional abuser when she'saw done with you.

What about your documentation of her hitting you?

No bruises, no injury....only her falling to the ground in front of my son.....attorney said it would mean nothing.

Sir,
This was my scenerio too...
and I requested a GAL for the kids and that broke through her perfect image...I ended up with custody

GAL?

Guardian Ad Litem (sp), basically an attorney for your kids that is independent and reports to the court (usually carries a ton of weight with the judge)

Then ask another atty and fight for at least 50-50. A quick google search told me that in NY a mother has no more greater rights than the father.

It doesn't matter the outcome anyway, you cannot continue on indefintiely living in a house Plan A'ing an active serial cheating wayward with your health issues.

It doesn't matter if you tell us you will lose the house and have to pay child support - you need to start moving towards separation and fight the good fight, period.

Most divorce lawyers are awful. It is not uncommon to have to shop around to find the one who will fight for you.

Thanks Suzie for the tough love. I am seeing a new therapist, and essentially my WW of 20 years is a full blown narcissist...and I am a codependent...they are like magnets in the beginning, but when the narcissist looses their "supply", they seek on the next victim, and the history of the marriage, dreams, hopes are become non-existant when there is a new narcisssitic supply (OM).

So I become a robot to her and turn ALL my attention to the kids, for right now....sorting out some financial stuff.

Now, I ask again, last time (2005)when we sat down with one lawyer, WW cut a pretty decent deal with me with a seperation agreement, because she wanted out so bad. Is it a bad idea to try and go that route and see what she has to offer? Or just drop the D bomb? She said she is already willing to split time with kids, and no CS either way, plus take her new car payment completely and we split the equity in the home. I would give myself about a 99% chance that I couldn't do better than that with a D slapped on her (and it would cost a ton less than D)