I mean that I know them well enough to know they won't threaten him. They're nice people, but they're the kind of people who will pray for God to soften the heart of the man holding them at knife point rather than grabbing the nearest blunt object and cleaning his clock with it. I'm the latter type, they are not. I'll pass along that it is recommended they tell him this, but I'm not optimistic.

Good points about expecting the call. I'll keep thinking/praying about that. WW wanted to keep the separation and counseling a secret and was unhappy that I told our families so I just have a feeling that she has him trained to shut down if he sees me. But I guess that's me making assumptions. I just worry about him going inside and turning his phone off or something, and I want to give him a harder choice to make.

Yes, I've been making lists of FB Names for both of them in case this happens. I'll reread the exposure thread too.

Hopefully they are DECENT people, though, and would not allow an adulterer and marriage wrecker who was leading their daughter to destruction in their home. I would not ask them to "threaten" the OM but to make it clear he will never be allowed to darken their doorstep. Ask them to help you in that way. If they allow the OM to come to their home, they will be nothing more than enablers and I am hopeful they CARE about their daughter too much to do this.

If they DO allow the OM in their home, they will become the enemy of your marriage and you will not soon forget that slap in the face if you and your wife get back together. We have reconciled couples on this forum who will have nothing to do with their in laws because they enabled the affair. I am hoping your inlays are not that type.


I don't think it is a strategic move to forewarn the OM, a demonstrated known coward, that her parents are going to call. He is not going to keep the phone and he won't take their call. A man who screws a married woman has already told you he is a coward. When you FOREWARN the enemy, you are forearming them. You don't want to do that.

An easy way to do this is to copy all the contacts and paste them into a text doc. Then when you open it up you can hit "control" and click on the link and it will take you right to their page.

You can tell them it will greatly discourage the affair if they tell the OM he will not be welcome there.

Thanks.

I'm great at converting pain and anger into determination, so this sort of thing is right up my alley, haha!

I've been looking forward to/planning exposure for a week, at least. It's a strange sort of catharsis to all of the pain and anguish this has been. I guess it's one of the only ways to feel any measure of control for the BS during an affair. You get the truth out, which is big to me when WW is trying to portray our whole marriage as a sham to everyone.

Now is the closest I've been to "excited" or "happy" about anything for a very long time, going back to when this all started.

These are great points. You've convinced me! Framing it that way, I think I can get them to do that.

Ditto on the phone. I guess I just thought it was more dramatic, but what you're saying makes sense.

axslinger, say it like this:

Sally and Jim, I am asking for your help in saving my marriage. I love your daughter and want her to be happy. I know she can never be happy in an adulterous affair with a man who obviously cares nothing about her. It would help me immensely if you would call the OM and encourage him to leave WW alone. If he knew you would never condone or enable this affair, it may cause him to rethink this affair. Can I ask for your help in this way?

Do you have the OM phone number?
If so, please post it on www.playerblock.com
Make sure that you post the number in the details of the comment box (not just when you register him as a cheater).
That way, he will have strangers call him on his phone too!

When you post on Cheaterville, it does help if you have his picture and some sort of proof.

Axe man,
I am glad you are confronting the other man. I would keep it to these two points:
1) Stay away from my wife or you will deeply regret it.
2) Repeat point #1.

Avoid any other talk. Don't appeal to reason or to his good side. Let him know you mean business and you are not one to be messed with. Walk backwards out of his office (I'd do it at his work place.) and keep steady eye contact the whole time.

Nevermind the other chatter you were going to have.

What do the rest of you think?

Justthe3ofus, your suggestion sounds fun/old school and Lord knows I'd love to get violent with or threaten this guy. I'm just trying to follow Dr. H and not get myself stuffed into the back of a police cruiser over a WS. I love her but it ain't worth it at this point.

Well, I am not advising something I havent done myself. I did that to a good looking and charming scumbag who was trying to start an affair with my wife and it chased him off.

Was it like an emotional affair that you broke up? Or he was just trying to get to know her?

In my case, she's been living with him for 10 days now. She's kinda committed.

Your situation is different. But your meeting with the POSOM doesn't need to be. Confront him and let know are fighting for your marriage and that you are a bad @$$ Adversary. That is all that is necessary.

Btw, your full on exposure will show him that you are not messing around. I think he is going to find out pretty fast he bit off more than he could chew. He will bail out. And that will hasten your wife's exit from the fog.

Have you listened to the clips in here?
"I Encourage BHs to Confront OM" Dr. Harley

Yes. Which is why I disagree with Justthe3ofus.

I do intend to confront this guy in a way that's scary to him as well, but also to do what Dr. H says

Strange things afoot today. WW texted me and wanted to "talk" tonight via phone. I figured this was the confession or more separation talk. I asked to postpone till tomorrow night, she said OK. Planning on confronting tomorrow morning and spending the rest of the day doing exposure.

I can't find her now and neither can the PI. PI called her Mon/Tues job to inquire and they said she took today/tomorrow off. He's going to check her other job and her parent's house (she might be over there confessing). Or at a lawyer's. Who knows.

I spoke to her parents last night, they are on board with exposure and supportive. Hoping they didn't tip her off, thought I could trust them.

Don't you have a GPS on her car? Did something happen to it?

It was a cell phone with a tracking service subscribed, and the cell battery died. I got about 4 or 5 days out of it, long enough to know she was staying the same place every night.

PI was going to do the GPS over the weekend but had difficulty locating her. She may have flown the coop over the weekend, now that I think about it. She wasn't at her work Sunday when he went by to install it, but she doesn't work every Sunday so I didn't think much about it.

The cowardice of all this is amazing. I bet she really wants to let me down over the phone while she's out of town. I guess it's better than via text.

Why are you waiting on exposure when you now have proof?

I would do exposure BEFORE you confront her. Really, there is no reason to confront her. YOU know she is having an affair. Obvioulsy SHE knows she is having an affair. What is the purpose of confronting?

You should do this exposure today, before she has a chance to have her big talk with anyone. You do NOT want her confessing before you do exposure, because she will just twist the events to make it seem like she just met this fellow while you were separated, and make you out to be the bad guy. You really want to get this information out ASAP.