You can obtain his address and ownership of house records from the County Tax Assessor online.

EDIT: His divorce and child support records can be viewed online, through the state courts site.

The next time your wife complains about your exposure, dont argue or try to convince her she is having an affair (trust me, she knows she's having an affair unless he drugs her and has sex with her with she is catonic).

Simply tell her: "I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage where both of our needs are met but you must first end your affair"

and repeat and repeat as necessary. You need to get that through her foggy brain

Also I'm going to send a second round of emails to his family with the voicemail attached. I have a sneaking suspicion that there's major denial on his side of the family and they will certainly recognize his voice in it.

I don't think that's necessary.
Let them contact you if they have questions and if needed you can share evidence then.

If you want to share the voicemail, post it on Cheaterville.
However, he can still deny it and say "Oh, that was a joke" or "oh, that was for some girl I was dating and she's mad at me and making this all up"....

Believe me, he can have 10,000 excuses.

You are doing great seeing through the fog babble! One of the effects of an affair is to rewrite history in their minds. Since she is high on an affair with the OM, she looks at her past with you in a new light. It is like being high on crack and then deciding your past [when you were not high] was a big fat nothing. That is all she is doing.

And you are correct, married is married. Falling out of love is a problem to be resolved, not an excuse to have an affair. I ASSURE you that the affair is the reason she left the marriage, and not because she fell out of love. That is not how women operate.

And lastly, I want you to be a broken record with her and say: "I am asking that you end your affair with OM. Regardless of how our marriage works out, he is an affront to me. I love you and want to save our marriage but that cannot happen as long as you are in contact with him."

Just say that over and over again.

I agree thats a great idea. Most ppl won't contact you to ask you for the evidence if they have been persuaded by a liar that you are a kook.

Perfect!!

I'm not having much luck with this. I believe you, I just think I'm doing it wrong.

WW's sibs forwarded me a text she sent to all siblings offering to have them meet the people she's been staying with and refuting that there's anything "physical" between her and OM. This is such a circus.

It is expected she will deny it. Thats ok. Did you play them the recording?

Just FB'd it to all of them and gave them OM's cell number if they wanted to follow up. If he doesn't answer, I'm sure he's got a voicemail greeting. They'll be able to recognize the voice.

The amount of collateral damage WW is creating by fighting the truth is just kind of staggering to me. I know waywards are reckless, but I truly have no idea what she is thinking.

Axslinger,

Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive!

Remember your WW in a very real sense is addicted to OM and like any addict is powerless to change the ugliness of their behavior.

Your WW went from being in heaven with the greatest man the world has ever known to having her world crash in one day due to exposure.

Your WW also understands that in spite of words of support, there is now no future with OM, as everyone knows who and what OM is.

God Bless
Gamma

Axe,
You are very focused on the exposure piece of this. Great job. Your Plan A stick is very strong, and you are following through well. You still have to confront the POSOM. Looking forward to seeing how that goes, even if you and I have different ideas on how that should go.

But how is your Plan A Carrot doing? Are you doing anything to express your care and concern for her? Are you avoiding disrespectful judgments and angry outbursts when you see her? Have been clear with her that you are not being vindictive and that you are just fighting for your marriage.

That spiritless, cold hate you see in her eyes when you speak with her is the devil taking hold of her. She is addicted to this new and illicit love connection. But it's only a fantasy with no strong foundation. Your actions will popp her fantasy bubble. Already, you are making life hell for their relationship.

When I exposed OM, my wife looked at me and her eyes had a literally crazy look in them. I'd never seen that before...it was scary!

Yes.

Good questions. Hoping to confront OM at his stand at some point this week/weekend. Should have clues on his biz FB page as to when that will be.

Since I don't have much contact with WW, I've been sticking to texts and voicemails. I've decided to start calling her in the morning and evening and leaving a message telling her that I love her, and then praying over her. That used to be something we did together and I think it will be a friendly reminder. Hopefully when she understands the call is safe she'll start picking up and praying with me, that would be an awesome step forward.

I've never been one for AOs, I think I could count the ones I've had over 6 years on 1 hand. Both of us are pretty cool headed. Notably, at least 2 of those were in the months leading up to "I don't love you anymore" announcement. Not as big of a problem as the affair but I'm sure they contributed.

DJs, on the other hand, are a major LB of mine. There have been a few as a result of our exchanges about OM, and I can do better about that with a little mental preparation about how to talk about that respectfully. Most of the recent ones have been barbs about her dishonesty or the self-destructiveness of her actions. But I've said all that needs to be said to that end.

Here's food for thought:

Have a friend (or pay an honest panhandler) to PICKET the Farmers Market he sells his waffles at!
You can pay a homeless guy $20 to picket with a sign that reads "The Waffle Guy Is An Adulterer!" and hand out printouts of his internet exposure on the sidewalk!

You are doing a great job.
Exposure kills most affairs so there is a good chance this affair will quickly crumble