I think Dr. Harley would encourage you to remain in the marital home, as a place for her to return to.
If you left the home, she could see it as one more reason to remain separated.
Since this involves a lease, you can email him for his advice which would be a good practice: mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

Yup, stay in the home if you can. And make the home pleasant and inviting so that whenever she visits she has a good impression. When you are in Plan A, you are showing all things good to the WW. Small acts of love and kindness over time stack up and build a bridge back.

Staying in the home is symbolic, too. You are not giving up on this marriage. This is still your home; she is still your wife. Often the betrayed husband is the steady rock.

A Good Plan A clip.
Radio Clip on Plan A from Afar

Just an update on things since I got home.

WW texted as if she took some things and a few pieces of furniture, but she actually took pretty much everything she thought she had a right to. Furniture from all areas of the house, kitchenware, appliances, her clothes, etc. Nothing that I would have contested as "mine", but a lot that would be considered "ours", mostly in her areas of interest. She is definitely either living in her own place or moved in with OM. I found where she had been browsing rental listings as far back as July when I undeleted her web history on her computer, so I am leaning towards her having her own place.

Talked to her family. Apparently brother in law drove by the house and saw the move in progress, and went back and got their father to bring him to the scene. I guess he was pleading with WW not to do this, and she basically shut him down on it. Sounded like they were both very emotional, I'm sure her parents are a mess now. BIL was a bit disturbed because the help for moving was 2 or 3 people nobody knew, and WW acted completely detached emotionally when she wasn't having to deal with FIL. I can tell her demeanor kind of left him cold, which I'm glad he saw that. I've been dealing with that for 6 months now!

BIL said something to me about how none of us should talk about the affair being physical because that was "making her angry". Hoping the rest of her family isn't this naive at this point. He and I talked for a while and I think he clearly thinks her relationship with OM is wrong, but doesn't seem to understand her motivation and that she has no honesty at the moment.

Got a friend over and changed the locks myself last night. Going to make a copy for FIL since they're the landlords and inform them later today. I think this is within my rights and the only way I can stay in this house. Left a VM for WW letting her know they were changed as well, and that she could talk to me if she wanted access to move something out.

Going to continue Plan A, confront OM, and hope there's not a quick filing for D by WW. If there's not, I think I still have a chance. I'm just a bit overwhelmed every time I see WW get all crazy like this. I plan on replacing all of the furnishings she took with cheap/decent stuff from Craigslist so the house doesn't look vacant when/if she comes by, and so she doesn't see me as dependent.

The strangers helping are probably OM friends or possibly even his family members.
If she rents her own place, the PI should be able to tell you where she is because she will need to sign utility contracts.

Now that you have effectively exposed the affair make sure you are staying focused on your health, work, sleep etc

Good encouragement, I appreciate it. I feel better today.

Hoping to confront the guy this weekend. His business FB page has been kinda silent since the exposure, not sure what to make of that.

FIL called me today to tell me he was worried about a restraining order being taken out against me by OM if I went overboard. Not sure what to make of that, but I explained I was definitely confronting the guy. Already recruited at least 1 friend to go with and keep things from getting out of hand. I think I could confront him at his stand in a VERY public way, I've already got a conversation in mind that would very much expose his customers to who he is.

You could also have T-Shirts printed up with his picture and name on it with the word ADULTERY . and hand them out at the farmers market. people like free stuff

Just walking into a T-shirt shop and placing the order for this would be an impromptu addition to my bucket list, hahahaha.

I'd been considering tshirts, actually.

Also FIL told me WW had contacted him and asked to talk to him this weekend. Not sure if she's going to try and foglight them more on the issue or actually come clean.

Threats of restraining orders, libel, etc are scare tactics only, they are intended to get you to back off.

Restraining order for a man against a man will require a fairly substantial amount of evidence (different for every jurisdiction i realize).

From what you have told us, seems like nothing to worry.

The t-shirt thing would be awesome, or someone holding a picketing sign with "adulterer" and an arrow pointing at the stand.
Keep calm, the storm is just starting.
Get that VAR, have it with you always.

Have a VAR on you when you confront.

Yes. And if he gives details of the affair then post the recording as 'Proof" on Cheaterville

I would not make a big scene with signs, shirts, etc. I think that sort of thing will not be effective and will be deemed as small to those who could be in your corner. I would simply confront him, let him know he picked the wrong guy to tread on which he will regret, and let him know that you love your wife and will be fighting for Her. I''d put it in writing and cc your wife. Be clint eastwood when you see him. Economize your words so each has more impact and more intimidation.

Have you watched Clint Eastwood movies?
If not, you need to watch some Clint Eastwood and John Wayne movies and speak just like they do to this lowlife waffle man.

In the old days, you could legally challenge him to a duel and kill him.
Unfortunately, the pro-adultery lobby changed those laws so here are some things you can't do:

* Ask if he enjoys having kneecaps that aren't shattered.
* Ask if he would like to be involuntarily casterated.
* Shove his face into his hot waffle maker and give him a "Waffle Face" (like 2 face on Batman)

But you can politely tell him " I will destroy you if you dont end the affair today." and remember: Never make a threat you dont keep.

And if he tells you to get lost tell him as you walk away "We're going to the mattresses." and let him figure it out.

Jedi,
There's no school like the old school. ;-)

Not sure how being civil to the POSOM became vogue. It boggles the mind.

Guys,

Sorry to add more to a complex story but I just connected a few dots today that really disturb me. Things FIL has said to me over the last week.

(1) Apparently he and WW had a conversation about "our marriage" near the end of July, the details of which he refused to disclose to me (or even his own wife!) because he and WW have a confidentiality agreement of some sort that she can talk to him and it stays with him. All I know about this discussion is that he described it as negative when he mentioned it in a discussion with me and MIL.

(2) Talked to him and MIL last night about things. He seems to be passive-aggressive kind of upset about the exposure, as if it's unfair to WW and mentioning "I wouldn't have gone about it that way" when talking winning back WW. Haggled with me on the details because WW has provided him an alibi (without any evidence of it, of course) and so he doubts that WW has a PA with OM, only an EA. Thought I was harsh in exposing and that I jumped the gun. Also during prayer before we left made it a particular point to say he'd pray that she'd return to God rather than praying for a return to the marriage, because that was more important.

(3) Called me yesterday morning to warn me that WW or OM might take out restraining orders against me, mentioning that my behavior in tracking her vehicle and planning on confronting OM might strike them as threatening, as well as saying that "someone might be advising them to get a restraining order". Also mentioned that he's taken some out in the past and he knows they are easy to get, adding that he wouldn't want that to happen to me because it suggests guilt.



I'm feeling very paranoid about lots of things right now, but am I crazy to think I might be dealing with FIL enemy of the marriage? 3 was presented in such a tone that I didn't process it as a threat, but now I wonder and I need objective advice. My own family is angry enough that they can't do that.

There is an old saying that Blood is thicker than water.

I thought that my FIL would help when my wife was having an affair, but he came and bought her an affair phone and hired an attorney for her!

I would just keep FIL an arms length away.
He is correct that Restraining Orders can be easily issued..However, they are followed by a Hearing and if there isnt sufficient reason for the Order than they are revoked.

There is a way to tell if he supports your marriage: Ask him to call OM and tell him that his shadow will never enter the home of FIL. If FIL refuses to make the call, then he does not support your marriage.

I'd just like to suggest that any sort of "confidentiality agreement" between FIL and WW that keeps information vital to the health of your marriage from you is cause to treat FIL with extreme caution. Also, it should be clear that if it's God's will that marriages not end in divorce, the idea that it's more important for WW to return to God than to return to the marriage is an extremely false dichotomy. It sounds like he's beginning to swallow the idea that even if she returns to God, that might mean leaving the marriage, which begs the question what his opinion is of your relationship with God. I would pray for the Lord to attack this spirit of insidious deception that Satan will use against your marriage and every relationship attached to it. I'll be praying in that direction specifically after reading your update.

I would say you are being played by your FIL, either intentionally or unintentionally.

DITTO with what Jedi said, if he will not do that then you know where he stands

Restraining orders depend on the jurisdiction, and yes a hearing will quash it if it is all based on nonsense, the testimony and a good lawyer will rip it apart. Man on man restraining orders are unusual to say the least.
My exwife got a restraining order it lasted 10 days until the hearing, and the judge laughed at her and said this does come close to meeting the standard and dismissed it in 15min.

In other words threats of restraining orders are tactics used by the GUILTY.

I second what Hav said about his idea that 'coming back to God' is a priority above the marriage is bogus.

'Just' an EA is still a freaking A. They (PsIL) should be against that no matter what.