The reason your WW has gone them to them is because she probably has a "new understanding" about their marriage. She is probably seeing things from their point of view. This is the warped thinking of a wayward spouse.


And as far as this affairage couple goes, as long as they are married and stay in adultery they will never see things for what they are. They are in a perpetual fog.

I would ignore them and consider them enemies of your marriage. I would not trust them.

Axslinger, I like your idea about calling them, however, I seriously doubt that someone in an affairage would be "impartial." First off, they have wayward minds and will view it from that perspective. And if they were decent people, they certainly wouldn't be "impartial" about adultery. Decent people are outraged at injustice.

Even so, I would call and discuss it with them. Just don't expect much.

I've wondered if people in affairages are in an ongoing, never ending fog.
That's a good question for Dr. Harley.
What a terrible way to live!

Just an update on WW. PI is still in the picture at this point (he's working on court-admissible stuff if it goes that route) and has had some interesting info. The plot thickens.

WW seems to be living in a house with several young adults, but OM hasn't been spotted there. PI is working on IDing occupants. Says she's consistently staying here, but spends a lot of time in her vehicle on the phone. An address for OM that appears on Spokeo is 2 blocks away but the car hasn't been parked there at all.

Skip tracing (locating) OM has been difficult, actually. Apparently he shows up in public databases in several locations in this area but doesn't show up anywhere as a property owner which makes him harder to track down. Kind of wonder if he's staying with a relative. Probably going to have PI watch him at the farmer's market this weekend and go from there.

PI put a GPS with a strong battery on WW's car over the weekend and has been making notes. Apparently today she went to a house that OM is associated with in some databases, but actually belongs to a relative of his. About 40 miles away. Was there for a few hours, and then came back. Also was at the local courthouse for traffic tickets and minor offenses for a few hours today. I'm puzzled by that, as it's not the right courthouse for filing D paperwork. Thinking WW may have gotten a ticket, her plates have been expired for a few months.

Apparently on days WW works she's either at work or at this house with the other young adults. Today and tomorrow she's off, so I'm hoping this will yield more interesting info on her current routine. Very interesting she drove so far to see OM/OM's relatives with her plates expired, she's already got at least 2 tickets for this from what I have noticed.

If PI can get some photos or other undeniable evidence of a relationship, I will probably present that to WW's family to see if they will get off the fence about the nature of this relationship with OM and apply more pressure.

Interested to see how long WW will keep up this routine as well. She's working two jobs with long hours, and has essentially destroyed any ability to pursue her long-stated career or education goals because she's always working. She might be planning on saving up money to change that, however, hard to say. Some of what I found in her web history was looking at colleges out of state. It's all very confusing, and part of me wonders if she's trying to really bolt (e.g. get out of state).

I'm certain about the nature of her relationship with OM because of the voicemails I've found and too many other coincidences. Even her family, though they are in denial about a PA, understands there's some sort of inappropriate relationship with OM because she's talked enough to them about OM before this all started that they consider it now a red flag.

Still no contact with WW, she won't even answer her phone. I've been leaving voicemails to Plan A her, saying I love her and praying over her. She is listening to at least some of them because she's responded to 1 of them by text. I had offered to bring her something related to her hotel job that she'd left at the house and she said "don't bring it, I've already replaced it".

Hard for me to discern how much to get close to her with the amount of isolation she's put herself in. I'd like to start leaving notes and such on/in her car, but not sure if that's a good idea or if I should wait for her to cool off a bit.

Everything since I started becoming suspicious of the A has caused her to become more unwilling to talk, fairly proportionate to the amount of exposure she/OM has received. During the 5 weeks of counseling when she was still here (and I was basically doing Plan A without knowing what it was), I got the vibe that she would have stuck around if I hadn't started snooping on the A. By the end she was being a lot more willing to chat or text with me (lying, but still communicating).

Not regretting uncovering/exposing the A (I'm happier knowing the truth), just kind of painting the picture of her behavior up to this point.

I am not Dr Harley, but I believe they retain a wayward mind for the duration.

Axe,
Place the address where she is staying in the County Tax Assessor website and find out who owns it.
Then you can find out who the occupants are

I wouldn't post notes on her car.

^True. Haven't got it from the PI yet but I'd bet that it's the same place she'd been parking when I was using the cell tracker. If they're renting it might not tell me much.

Very interested to see how she negotiates the holidays. Thanksgiving/Christmas are big events to her family where she was very involved in preparation. If she attends, I can't imagine she won't be pressured about the situation and right now she won't really talk to them. If she doesn't attend, I don't know what to expect. I don't plan on attending their holidays without her, I feel it would be too awkward.

I think this is common.
My (ex) wife was having an affair and after I discovered it, wanted to have an "open Marriage."
There are "other" forums and plans out there and many of their members have "open marriages" and try to win their wives back after they get tired of their affair. Waywards love these types of plans!

An address will tell you a lot.
This is what you do:
Get the address from PI.
Check address with County Assessor, get owner info.
Then go to the local Police Dept Records Division and file a public records request for any fire/ police calls to that residence over the past year. That may give you more names.
Do a Google search of the names. Search the names in the local court records online.
You'll pick up the trail

I think the address may be a room that OM rents.
The young adults may be the ones that your FIL witnessed moving her stuff out of the marital home.
Based on the low level of child support that OM pays, I suspect he is probably a room renter.

Being in the dark like this is hard because I have no indication of the state of things in the affair. I think exposure caused some friction but I do not believe it has ended. Hopefully confrontation with OM this weekend will put pressure on things.

PI says GPS has malfunctioned or been disabled. This situation just keeps getting stranger.

Out of curiosity, did a search on the state courts site for WW. Figured if she filed for D yesterday, it might appear. Didn't find a D filing, but I found something else interesting.

Apparently she pled not guilty to her traffic ticket in late August, and what's really interesting is that she's got a PO Box registered as her address here.

The ticket is from another county, so it's not why she was at court yesterday, but the PO BOX is just another hint of an escape plan being hatched here. She's apparently been redirecting her mail since late August.

I bet the affairage aunt/uncle helped her get this all planned out in advance. I wonder how she's sleeping these days...

It may be OM PO box.
Remember, keep focusing on being the Lighthouse in the Stormy Sea that she can return to

Yeah. I've been thinking of waiting till Nov 1 to see if I get served, and if not then refurnishing the house (it looks practically vacant right now) and just buttoning down the hatches and focusing on myself and Plan A. I feel like any day now I'm going to get served and that keeps me in limbo.

How long does it normally take to get served from the time of filing?

Service time varies by locality

PI just called with an update. He has a contact in PD that says in laws told her I was aware of her location and so she had a mechanic locate and remove the GPS, and she returned it to the PD. PD contact also said she had mentioned to them that she is trying to divorce me.

Is this pretty standard fare for post-exposure where the spouse is out of the house? I can't imagine it isn't.

Not sure of what to think. PI feels like he came up empty handed and is frustrated I exposed the A to the in laws before he was finished. While I'm happy I'm exposed I can also see where it will feed her narrative of me being controlling or unfair. I feel like I can't trust the in laws, also.

The waters are so murky at this point.

Blood is always thicker than water. I wouldn't share anymore plans with in-laws or data yet.
Use them only as a means for communicating your desire to save the marriage.

A PO Box is standard fare for a wayward, somewhere there must be a book telling these waywards what to do. New credit cards or loans are another thing to be wary of, since you have not been served(those would be considered joint)

Trying to understand what a wayward is thinking or feeling is pointless, but rest assured it totally SELFISH.
She has absolutely no concern for you in any fashion in her current state of mind.

It is hard work, but pressure on the affair and Plan A the best you can is all you can do.
Take care of yourself, you are being ran through the ringer.

Guys, I'll be honest. I'm seriously considering putting an ultimatum to her parents tonight about support in this situation and telling them (1)the affair is real, I will subpoena phone records and everyone will know anyways and (2)I will file for infidelity tomorrow if I do not get their support and they continue to betray my confidence.

I feel very betrayed by her family and it makes it impossible for me to see a productive relationship with them beyond this. Talk me down from the ledge here, unless I'm right.

As NebDane pointed out, the waywards families often side with the wayward.
During my wifes affair, my FIL actually bought her an affair phone, paid for an attorney and encouraged her to leave!
This was after he told me that he supported out marriage and hated OM!