Of course. He's in love with her and wants to share things with her.

Unfortunately, this is beyond your control.
If they are his children, the law will enable him access to them.

Yes, when will you be going into Plan B?

I competed exposure yesterday. Plan B from Monday to give me a chance to get myself protected first. Not doing a plan B letter as don't feel the need for it there is no recovery for us and D is the only way.

In the next seven days,

Got to have an appointment with lawyer
Got to change my phone number
Close all joint accounts
Transfer bills to right accounts
Close all email accounts
Close down my facebook to avoid him getting to me that way which is where he is publicly grovelling now
Secure my schedule and childcare so there are no gaps
Have an IM who is willing to help and lives in my street so kids visitation exchanges will happen at her house.

What have I missed?

You may want to do a modified Plan B letter, one that details how contact will occur (IM), parallel parenting details, etc. Just do not include anything in the letter that tells him terms for reconciliation, since you are not interested in reconciliation.

It would be good to spell it out to him, you know your intentions but if he doesn't it is just an excuse to continue trying to contact you. If you clearly state how things are going to work from now on in the letter, at least he can't say he didn't know or understand, and he has no reason to contact you (even though he will still try).

Good point and I will do that as I have obviously told him in person there is NO chance for us to make it through this but he's still pursuing recovery.

The thing I feel angry about right now is that it turns out there were 3 women involved with him online. One German married lady he has been having Skype sex with for 4 years, two American women one married one he has been having sex with in Skype too and one single woman he has been just talking too both of them for one year. I have saved all the evidence including a video I found of them masturbating together and feel it is my duty to expose it to the married women's husbands but they are truly anonymous, no real names, no facebook contact. Any idea how I can do this?

Sorry NB28

Have you already asked WH to leave the house? I would ask him to leave.

I don't recall the details for your story but I would open a bank acct today and transfer some funds in there in case WH decides to get nasty and clean out the accts. I would do this right away.

Oh NB, you poor love.

It's better to find the husbands without confronting yours but I'm not tech savvy enough to suggest a way. If all else fails I would send him a message before going dark.

"If you were at all remorseful you will tell me the identity of these women. I do not believe you don't know. I would need to know who these enemies to my marriage are to consider recovery"

Which is true even when you don't want recovery!

I think it would be worth a shot; he would very likely throw them under a bus.

Do take good care of yourself.

How are you today, NB28?

Plan b starts Monday, spoke to lawyer yesterday and it was free as it's a service offered from my job.

Found out so far

5 women in total

1st one was just sweet talking online been going on for 1 year.
2nd 3rd sweet talking and skype sex as well as regular phone sex been going on for 1-2 years.
4th woman been having online/skype and phone sex with him for 4 years (yes 4 years including when he was on Mb claiming recovery)
5th woman was a one night phone sex thing.

I couldn't type much on here because he is aware of MB.

He will be leaving the house on Monday. Filing divorce on Monday. Bank accounts sorted and I can be financially independent from him so im ok.

Only thing I have struggled with is telling the kids.

Found 100 shades of perversions including him sending pics of my kids to these women, him masturbating in his car while at work with these women, him and these women had a great nickname for me "monster"

You were ALL right. Despite reading MB a every day and following it he still found a way. I think he is sick and I can't help him, I need to look after myself and kids.

Packing up his stuff daily now. His parents are with me and disowned him, none of our friends will ever speack to him again, he truly messed up his life and for what?
Cheap thrills on the net.

He used an app called parlingo. I had full access to his phone but he installed software that hides apps so I didn't see that one as well as skype.

people watch out for these apps and follow the advice here. NEVER EVER allow a wayward to own a smartphone.

All these things took place on his iPhone,

I am 100% sure he does not have any of their spouse contacts or actual contacts outside of skype and par lingo.

I have gone undercover and spoke to these women to gather Intel for usage in court, all of them gave me details and screenshots of the filth he took part it in. I couldn't get any more Information on the women's spouses,

I am so angry at myself right now, 4 years of my life down the drain.

We could all say that about wasted years but in your case it isnt as true as mine. While married I learned nothing, you learned how to be an MB spouse. It doesn't sound like much as you head for divorce but trust me it is.

Divorce was a pretty great experience for me actually. No more half measures it was all full on focus towards me.

Thanks indie,

I will be ok I know I will be.

He duped 5 women he was a master manipulator, I can see that now.

It's the kids I feel for

And despite what others have suggested on here I have every right to keep him away from them.

UK laws are not great when it comes to fathers rights. I have saved all the evidence of him doing the stuff he did with my kids in the house. I could hear them in the background! He stands no chance.

He's out Monday? So is he staying in the home currently?

Yes gave him till Monday.

Why is he not out of the house already? I cannot possibly understand why you would allow him to stay there a minute longer than necessary.

And are you saying you have not exposed to your children yet?

Two questions:

1) Is the pain of this experience more, less or equal to the violation of a house burglary?
2) Exactly how long would you allow house burglars to stay after discovery?

Hon, c'mon.
- He's not earning his board in the house as husband and father. In fact, there's quite the deficit.
- There are plenty of perfectly good park benches
- You have plenty of better ways to spend the weekend than being the world's cheapest boarder of internet pervos.

One of the thing that always staggers me about betrayal is the
BS in question always makes far too many allowances in the name of 'fairness' by being terribly unfair to themselves. The instinct is such they try to catch them or delay the WS on the way to the rock-bottom of his/her fall.

Why?

He is here because I'm not well enough to do anything, does that make any sense, I use every moment of strength to get the lawyer and financial issues sorted,

I'm in hiding from the kids because I'm a mess, he's taking care of them and told them I have a bug of some sort.

I haven't told the kids because I havent faced them yet, needed to detach for a bit to make sure I am making the right decision as opposed to staying with him out of guilt for them.

He knows he's out, all electronics on lockdown for their sake. He's here because I need help and it's sad the only person who can hell is my rapist.

I don't care if he sleeps with manky rats under a bridge. I'm taking care of myself..


I can either take the kids out of their activities and distrust them even more right now because I don't even have the energy or concentration to drive. And then leave them alone most of the day while I curl up in bed sobbing or I can take fbe time I need to gather my strength and get him to do the heavy lifting with house and kids while I do that.

Seriously considering booking a flight out ASAP and going somewhere for a week to just take a breath,