Awesome. Just Awesome.

One thing you deserve credit for is your name.
Piglet Wiglet is a nice friendly name.

You've got to wiggle it, just a little bit, because you're the Piglet!

There is also a walrus in these forums, and I am sure he is a fine person as there is no such thing as a bad walrus.

Oh and there is a Barbie and Catwoman too I think.

It's my daughter's nickname. I would have used my husband's nickname for me, but that seemed slightly inappropriate given my current circumstances.

So my mom told me tha wh tried to come into our apartment today (he refuses to be off the lease. When I rekeyed the door he told the landlord who requested the key and made him a copy). He got scared when he realized my mom was in the house. As I had suspected, he is using the house during the day when I am gone. I suspected he was using it to nap, use the Internet, whatever. He may be staying with OW or at the gym or wherever. Who knows? He doesn't have the balls to get his own place. OW is 25 and lives with her parenfs, so that isn't a long term option. He's a consumate cake eater.

Well you can't have that! What can be done about it? Will your landlord continue to do this?

Nothing can be done about if unless I move. That's the law and the landlord has an incentive to keep him on the lease. My mom is here now, so I'm not too worried about it. He won't come in if she is here. She is staying here as long as this thing takes to be resolved. And I am moving one way or another. If I am able to move with my daughter, in leaving. If not, I need to move anyway and file for divorce (if I am forced to stay here divorce is my only option).

Mmmmm. One thing my lawyer told me is that just because something isn't legally enforceable doesn't mean you can't send a very threatening and formal letter asking them to desist.

I'd have your lawyer send a letter to both your landlord and WH saying it has come to their attention that persistent invasions of your privacy and personal space are being made in spite of the recent marital separation.

Then something to the effect that any continuation will be deemed harassment or stalking and could form the basis of a restraining order.

Your lawyer could suggest that any genuine need for access to the property (hint: there isn't one) should include proper notice to you via your lawyer. The landlord should also be told that he needs to advise you of any keys being made available to other tenants now that you have had to change them again.

Something like that. I'd have an informal chat to your landlord first saying it's something your lawyer says you have to do and he needn't worry about it as long as he is letting you know who has keys.

He may decide it's too much trouble to get involved in. WH's lawyer will certainly tell him to behave.

He's only doing it for a cake eating fix so his lawyer isn't going to understand why.

Hi Indiegirl,

Yep, we are using the threatening letter tactic to try to allow me to move with my daughter. My mom is disabled, so she'll be in the house all day, so he won;t come in. However, yours is a good idea to send a letter about that too. I certainly mean business.

I have also asked his boss to stop letting him stay at the gym at night. He stays there and probably with OW as well from time to time. I basically told the boss that he is enabling the affair by letting him stay there. I told him that my husband is a grown man and he needs to either come home and get his act together or get his own place and file for divorce if he is choosing to leave his family. He is 37 years old. If he is going to leave his family, he needs to take responsibility for his choices and not leach off of his workplace. This is the same boss who didn't do anything about the workplace affair, so I doubt he'll do much, but at least I said it. He cannot live with OW at this point long term because she lives with her parents (I kid you not. And her parents know he is married. Sigh). I think he probably does a mix of staying at the gym and OW's house. I have also seen charges on his accounts for hotels. So he stays in hotels as well every once and awhile.

I am also packing up the rest of his stuff and will leave it out for him. I am packing up all of my stuff too because I will either be moving south soon OR out of our current place if I am forced to stay here because of my daughter. In the latter case, I will be filing for divorce because our marriage cannot recover here and will need a smaller, more affordable place.

Lastly, I am trying to figure out a way to contact more of her FB friends to expose. She blocked me a long time ago and even with a different account, she has hidden her friends list. Any suggestions to get around this? She has also blocked instagram.

PW, since attorneys are involved....where does WH claim as his place of residence? Where is his mail going, etc? He had to give his attorney something. I would talk to your attorney about pressing his attorney for such details. It looks bad for him to be sleeping on couches, OW's house, the gym...and failing to disclose his whereabouts. Your attorney should be ALL OVER HIM (and his attorney) about this when he request that you be allowed to move South.

If the boss isn't going to do anything about WH sleeping at the gym, consider going to the property mgmt company and tell them people are sleeping at the gym. The city zoning code department would probably like to fine the owner if he is allowing someone to use a commercial building for residential purposes. Sleeping/living at the gym is likely a violation of city zoning code and the property lease.

Squeeze!!!

Hi Black Raven,

He doesn't have an attorney as far as I know. Only I do. But I just started Plan B, doing all this stuff, etc, so I don't know. I am going to write the corporate operations manager of the gym (It's a local chain) and tell them that the manager of the location is allowing my husband to sleep there as well. The custody thing is just getting underway and I need to pay my lawyer today for her to draft the letter. I will have it sent to his work. He is totally living like a vagabond. Why? Because he really doesn't want to get a place. He knows that I would surely file for divorce in that case, so he is avoiding it. He has applied for and gotten several studio apartments throughout this ordeal, but never takes them. He is not staying with friends anymore because he knows I will tell them right away if I find out who they are (although I have told all the friends I can think of. He might ask his clients, but I have told most of those as well).

His mail is still going to our place, where I place it in the "circular file" when it comes. "Oh, you want to have an affair? Sorry, you don't get your mail." Natural consequence.

Yes, living like a hobo will look bad for him in terms of custody. I am counting on that. He is only spending about 5-6 hours per week with my daughter now because he cannot take her overnight, etc. so I have a good case that his contact is limited anyway, so I should be able to move with her. I also have epilepsy (which is controlled on medication but there is always a risk). So it is risky for me to live on my own with a two year old with no family around. My lawyer told me that was a good fact in the case to make before a judge if it went to trial.

I am taking total control of this situation. Nothing to lose by a lyin', cheatin' husband. If he won't shape up, I will be in a much better position no matter what.

Also, if the move is shelved then ask your lawyer about drafting an agreement that you have exclusive use of the apartment. You also have a negotiating point in your move that WH can come back to live in the apartment if he agrees to you moving with DD to SoCal...leave the big furniture and just go. I don't know if you rent month-to-month or have a lease but brainstorm on ways that you can get out of there with as much cooperation with WH as possible.

You may have to file to get stuff done but it can't hurt to see what WH will agree to. He may be sick of sleeping all over the city.

Gotcha. I thought I read he had one as well. That may work to your advantage if he is too cheap or doesn't want to pay for one. Make sure your attorney gives WH a specific date to respond/sign...and it should only be days, not weeks.

He definitely does not have the money to pay for one. He spends money like mad even though we take home about the same amount.

I was thinking about offering him the apartment in exchange for leaving as well. Our lease will go month-to-month after December and I can take MY name off of it when I leave if he won't take his.

WH's mom is encouraging him to let me leave as well. She told him he is "torturing" me and that I needed to leave for my sanity. All true statements. She won't really talk to me, but I know she is really ashamed of him.

All good especially the MIL pressure!!

I wouldn't get into any detailed $ talk about the apartment. Don't mention that you will remove your name from the lease after December or tell him how much utilities or whatever costs. You just want him to sign so you can move. He is a big boy and can figure it out on his own.

Yeah,

My MIL is way too easy on him (maybe how he got this way); however, she gently nudges him in the right direction. I think she knows that I am both smarter and more determined than he is, so she is slightly scared of what I will do. Now that his love bank account is like -100 million, I think she is right about that.

I am not going to do anything insane, but I am going to take all the steps necessary to throw him off of his fence. What 37 year-old man with a two year-old thinks sleeping at a gym and on people's couches and in his girlfriend's parents' house is a good look? None. A year ago he would have heard a story like this and thought that guy was super-pathetic! Maybe he'll return to his old self someday.

At least one does! Sadly, there have been far worse than your WH...and too many like him. But no it doesn't look good...unless you're delusional.


Yep

Worse has to be REALLY bad. The only ones that I think are worse are the pregnancy ones. Ugh. How completely awful.

Oh one last thing--

I wanted to address the question of how to tell more people on her side with her facebook completely shut down. Even with my other account, she has her friends list block out. Any ideas?

I hit mutual friends of theirs (ours really) the best I could. I got her good friends (about three) and sisters who all told me off. I also hit up her weightlifting coach. Her mom didn't say anything (I don't think she checks facebook). I also texted her directly and told her to leave my family alone. I just found her address (gold) and will write a letter to her dad. Anything else? Should I stop with the exposure now? too much trickling?

Often you can see who liked her pictures, etc and go from there