How could I possibly rebuild that relationship (me and her family) at this point? It just feels hopelessly broken and given the current dynamic I cannot see an outcome other than D.

Anyone have any experience actually recovering a situation where the wayward's family was unsupportive or enabling the affair?

Not in my case, but there are several posters here whose threads I have read that dealt with similar family issues

My in-laws were unsupportive. My SIL even called me a liar on social media. They disappointed me greatly. But they were also 1200 miles away. So they saw nothing and did nothing. They have apologized somewhat and our relationship has been restored, but it will never be the same. They really let me down and I will never forget that.

Unfortunately, Yes. I decided to put the family issues on a shelf for time while I focused on my recovery. Trying to tackle that issue early on in recovery was too much for me to handle.

SIL was an enabler. MIL and FIL did not come to my aid when asked too. Much hurt has occurred on both sides. SIL is cut from our lives forever. Working to mend relationship with FIL and MIL.

Early on, the primary focus has to be on the recovery of the couple. Not on the IL's or the rest of the family.

Good advice, and I've cooled off a bit about things, though I definitely am going to have to distance myself from the ILs for the duration of this.

FIL texted me saying he had tipped off WW about GPS and saying it was hurtful and thoughtless for me to have had it installed. Lectured me about violating her privacy and quoted the Bible to explain that I hadn't done unto others had I would have them do unto me.

I calmly responded that I don't believe in privacy within a marriage and that WW was welcome to install a GPS on my car anytime because she has every right to know where I am at all times. Also said that I felt privacy between spouses was not conducive towards honesty between spouses and mentioned policy of radical honesty. Didn't beat him over the head with it but plainly stated that we disagree on the topic.

When/if recovery happens, there's going to be a lot to deconstruct regarding the concept of honesty. I noticed when the ILs talk to WW about this situation, they prefer to tell her half truths that they think will steer her towards the right thing rather than just telling her the right thing (e.g. "don't divorce until you are right with God" rather than "divorce is morally wrong under these circumstances"). When WW and I were talking to MC before she left, that was a topic he noticed and called her out on, because she had revealed that she had been doing the same thing to me because she was scared of confrontation or thought the truth would hurt me.

Not giving up yet, but there's a lot to deconstruct I guess. Seriously considering moving out of the marital home since it is rented from the ILs because at this juncture I think I need to distance myself from them.

Thoughts?

Early on in recovery, we had to learn to build a protective cocoon around our marriage. There is so much to work on to assure no contact, to eliminate love busters, and then to learn how to meet emotional needs. POJA and the PORH. THAT is what needs to be focused on once you agree to recover together.

You don't need to worry about what will come down the road with inlaws or friends.

My H now has great distaste for those who threw me under the bus back then. And yes, we had a lot of repairing to do with a couple of people, and some are kept at arms length by us now, but at this point it is OUR (POJA) decision.

We are actually relieved to know who truly does (and who doesn't!) support the marriage contract.

Your in-laws are not being friends of the marriage despite their "preachiness" and getting right with God.

The ol' respect my privacy line, is fog babble chapter and verse. That line is used by every wayward who wants to keep the affair going.

Stay away from the in-laws for now, no help there only frustration.

I would not move out of the marital home.
If this is something you are seriously considering you should email Dr. Harley first because I think he would tell you to remain in the home.

I'm not comfortable staying there with FIL floating restraining order threats at me. If he was able to obtain one ex parte I could be forcibly evicted or arrested for staying. If I was not renting one of his houses this would be a different story.

Axslinger,

FIL is not going to get a restraining order against you.
You are taking this too far.
If you leave the house, you will be putting a nail in your marriage coffin

^ It's not in the realm of impossibility, but the FIL could be pushing for that.

Just dont sling your axe at the FIL

This should be a lesson about disclosing your means to information. Like the PI and gps.

How do you avoid it? People want proof, and a way to know the proof is legitimate. Everyone I talked to questioned the credibility of my data until I revealed a source.

Now if you've got a photo or video, that's different.

Stop talking to the in-laws. Unfortunately parents of waywards are gaslit and sometimes go along with it because they don't want their child to be the bad guy.

It's good to get people's support and if they can talk to the wayward and tell them they disapprove, etc, great. But there can be a point where you are trying to over-involve people. If they can help you, great. If not, bye-bye for now.

You have to save your emotional energy and can't be squandering it on these people.

This describes things perfectly in my situation.

No longer speculation. Sheriff's office just called me wanting to deliver a notice of a denied ex parte restraining order. Apparently was filed last Wednesday.

ha ha ha.
DENIED!!!
It will be interesting to see what the charging party said you did to warrant a restraining order

Moved out Friday. If an ex parte restraining order was obtained somehow, since I am living in FIL's house (and BIL also rents part of the house, something I haven't mentioned), I could be arrested for simply coming home (without any warning) if the scope included immediate family.

Yes, it's an extreme possibility, but like changing the locks, something I feel I had to do to protect my own interests/assets. Not sure yet how involved WW's family was in the RO, but I feel like I can't trust them right now and need to distance from them.

Talked to MIL/FIL Saturday about having moved out and I think hitting them in the pocketbook on this has actually been productive. They seem to be taking this more seriously than before and actually asked me if we'd move back in when/if WW and I got things worked out. Wow, guess they hadn't considered the $$$ aspect of this before? They also apologized about being protective with the GPS and telling WW about it, said I put them in a terrible position when I exposed the A to them. I assured them that I wasn't giving up on her and they seemed encouraged by that but apologetic overall about their role in things and WW's behavior. Told me that they loved me which is difficult to process at this point. Also seemed to take a much stronger position on the WW/OM relationship being morally wrong, which is encouraging.

WW stayed overnight with them Saturday night and they texted me details of their conversation with her. They say the stuff she took has gone into storage, that she changed her telephone # and doesn't want me to have the new one, but that her old phone is still active (?). Also said they hope she will talk to me in person soon. At this point it's been 3 weeks since I've seen her.

Also got a call from the local PD as apparently WW had filed a complaint about the tracking devices, but the PD seems to agree I'm within my rights to have done what I did. They just seemed to just be filling out paperwork.

My backup for talking to OM had to bail Saturday so I didn't go but we're on for next Saturday. I hate that's it's getting drug out past the exposure this far, but I would regret not doing it no matter how this ends up. Got a VAR Saturday anyways and am otherwise ready to go.

I'm going to guess it's related to the tracking devices. In my state they will grant an RO if they feel you are "stalking" someone, though an ex parte RO requires evidence of imminent "irreparable harm" to the protected party from the restrained party, so it was still a stupid idea given the facts of the situation.