I only have her recent profile pic (it's the only thing you can see). About 25 people liked that. Just do those people? I sent her dad the letter, which should get their in the next day or two.

What about my husband. Should I hit up his distant friends on FB? He also recently hid is friends list (eyes rolling). But he never hid his timeline. I know almost everyone I exposed to, but there some people that like his posts a lot that I don't really know. Hit them up as well?

I would hold off on further exposure and focus on moving and taking care of yourself and DD. You have already exposed to the vital people.

Sounds good. I did send the letter to her father though. I thought that was an essential target.

Ok...good to be done with exposure...so.much.energy. And the responses can be totally nutty.

If you've exposed to key people (certainly her friends) then I'd like to see you go dark. I dontlike that you can see his charge account and Facebook. You'll never focus on you with that kind of information stream coming in.

True. I can delete his accounts. I blocked him in FB, but I still have my dummy account.

Shall I still pack up his stuff and leave of out?

I'd have it sent on to him or placed in storage and send him the details of how to get it.

Yeah, I am still really spinning and I need to stop. I am still really sad about our failed reconcilation attempt. I feel like it was such a waste. He agreed to move and everything and I let my anger get in the way.

Don't beat yourself up PW. If your WH was serious about Recovery he wouldn't walk away so easy. It shows that he is pretty wimpy and wouldn't be able to handle the Recovery rollercoaster.

Yeah, I just deleted his accounts from my Mint.com page. I saw that he ordered a credit report (to get an apartment, I presume) and went to a coffee shop near where she lives.

Deleted my dummy FB account. She locked up her facebook and instagram when I started exposing, so that is good. I am still really sad. I was fine, but now I am in a huge spiral. I am a "fixer" by nature and it's very hard not to try and fix this. I suppose that is the way these things go.

Yeah, I need to not fight so hard for something he doesn't seem to want. I am the one eating all of this pain. I know that if he were serious he wouldn't have lied to me about looking at her social media accounts. He wouldn't have kept threatening to leave over and over again (after getting upset about him looking at her social media accounts). I have to remember that he isn't serious and if he were, he'd try to make the marriage a safe place. He has never tried to do that.

I found out where the OW lives. I could have his stuff sent there. I am sure her parents would love it.

Wild horses cannot stop a WH who is serious about recovery. If yours is not, you're better off out of it.

I've seen 'recoveries' take place with lacklustre WHs - if by recovery you mean being or staying together - but they tend to be pretty grim. The BW has to push him uphill and tends to lose all love for him.

The recoveries which take place a good ways into Plan B tend to be better. The BW is healed and nonchalant about doing anything strenuous and will only allow a return if the WH has truly had his road to Damascus moment and is offering a devoted recovery. Under such circumstances they fall in love again.

Then there's personal recoveries like mine, which you wouldn't expect to be particularly striking but I've been surprised at how many go on to do significantly better in life than when married.

I've only been here since 2011 and the plans take two years but I've seen a lot of success stories when they are done right.

I'd advise against it. I was very tempted to do something similar, have his stuff sent to OWs house but I'm glad I did not. It would have been an up yours gesture to dump his junk there and a tacit approval / acknowledgment of their relationship.

You're in Plan B now, do nothing for the sake of reaction or to send a message. Just get rid, but do it neutrally. Send it to a relatives he can collect it from or a storage facility. Only send it to OWs place if that's the forwarding address he gave you.

If you send it with dramatic intent, you'll be wondering how it was received. I don't care how that goes down for him but I'd like you to get your head out of the affair and focused on you. Your head can only follow your actions though.

LIKE...will have to remember this one!!!

On of my friend's once said to me, "Jesus needs to knock that boy upside his head", which does equal a road to Damascus moment.

OMG, my mom just called him without telling me to "talk" to him. He said he was at work and would call her back. She totally doesn't get it. That is not going to work. ugh.

It can take a while for people to get it. It's particularly hard if you haven't gone dark yourself yet as they can't see what that would look like. They also think you will peek and that the wayward can therefore still hurt you.

Just persistently explain that his name is taboo and you don't want to know.

Yeah, I told her that if he calls back (he won't) to not talk with him. It's not going to make a lick of difference. She said, "well you exposed the affair and asked a bunch of people to talk with him." Well, yes. But that was really for the shock of it all. Sometimes the sheer shock makes a difference.

My mother in law is talking with him about letting us move. I signed the retainer for my attorney today. Deleted his accounts, deleted my dummy FB account. I am going to stop posting at all to my own FB just so what I am doing can't reach him.

I am allowing myself one day--today--to wallow in grief. And then I am going to leave my own addictions behind. My addiction to knowing what he is doing, who he is with, etc. I have to remember that he isn't acting like my husband, so I can't allow him to hurt my like a husband.

Is there anything so painful as this? Not much.

I never told people not to speak to him, I just said I don't want to know about it. Sometimes people have their own hurt and ddisappointment to work out with them.

I used to let myself have set grieving time too. It's part of the work. I used to let myself cry in the shower before seizing the day.



Nope.