Not that you need a witness either, but your mom didn't witness the door being kicked in and him pushing you into the wall?

This sounds like a good idea.
Most waywards like the idea of being friends after dirvoce so he may take the bait

The police may not pursue his angry outburst but you did the right thing in calling them because it put wh on notice that there will be consequences for his angry outbursts and you will not hesitate to involve the police

Black raven, no she didn't. she is disabled and walks with a walker so she was in the other room. She heard everything and called the police when I told her to.

Please talk to your lawyer about this.

NEVER give up an opportunity for a restraining order!!!!

All the cops mean is that they won't file charges against him.

The courts give restraining orders all the time for your circumstances: Affair, breaking into house, mom DID hear fighting, Breaking of a door and pushed up against a wall(physical assault). You need to tell them you are now afraid for your life.
*And I believe this as someone already showing that amount of an Angry outburst IS insane and capable of anything*

In every state that I know, a restraining order gives you the RIGHT to move and not let him know where you are for protection reasons. Its like being handed a golden ticket!

He might even know this if he has talked to a lawyer which is why he is sooo wanting you to believe he wants to move with you, talk to you etc. Don't give him that chance....

Talk to your lawyer and get that restraining order filed.

In the mean time- keep a recording device on you in case he comes back-and the moment he shows up-call the police!!!!

I agree, your lawyer should be able to use this to advantage. Also, continue going dark and don't let up on that. The whole reason he is starting to lose his head and make mistakes is because you are dark.

That doesn't make him regretful exactly though. Like all waywards he simply believes he can have affair cake and family cake too.

I also agree he is getting more dangerous. Make the law protect you.

Yeah, again, I am not sure why he got so mad that I didn't want to talk to him and then got up-in-arms about me taking my daughter if all he wanted to tell me was that he was going to let me go. He could have just said, "I will agree to let you go with DD. I will follow once I have gotten a job," which is apparently what he "was going to say." At that point, I probably would have said thank you and left it at that, getting my lawyer to do the details.

But he was yelling about how I wouldn't talk to him and we have a two year-old and I was acting "crazy" by walking away from him.

Ok...put a call into the lawyer and am waiting for her to get back to me.

Yeah and the whole, "I'll move with her IF she talks to me and tells me how that would work." Dude, how it would work is that we move. That's all. That's how that works.

Eh, I am getting to the point where divorce seems like the very best option. This has gone way, way past the point of no return at this point (at least it feels that way). Maybe lasting change in Plan B would change my mind. But I am not going to try to project into the future right now.

So, I talked to my attorney.

She actually advised against a restraining order at this point. She said that because I am trying to move, it could backfire on me because he doesn't have a history of violence and a judge could think that I am using it against him to get a move.

So, she is going to try to negotiate the move directly, and also get him to agree to a stay away from my apartment, under the stipulation that if he enters, I will call the police, get him arrested and then file a restraining order. She said, that if he has a history of doing this stuff, then I am in a better position on everything.

So I am still able to stay dark and get him to back off without the litigation of a restraining order (just the threat of one). Sigh.

I am so distraught by everything right now. I just want this to end and to get on with my life.

You are in the thick of it and have to just keep along the path until you get to the place you wind up in the future and if you follow MB plans, that place will be better than otherwise.

Hang on there and know that though it is most unpleasant, you are experiencing a life situation that will make you stronger (which is kind of cool).

Thanks Reading. I wish some of you lived nearby and we could all get together for coffee on Wednesdays or something.

When he dropped off my daughter today I was not there. He refused to leave my daughter with my mom because she is disabled and moves slowly. While I sort of get that stance, my IM texted him to tell him I was only a few mins away. He elected to stay outside the building with my kid. Predictably he did this to talk to me. So I walked all the way around my building and went in the back way to avoid him. My IM texted him to tell him I was inside and he seemed annoyed. I locked myself in my daughter's room while my mom let my daughter in.

The stupid door that he took off the hinges by kicking it fell on my head last night (it was propped up against the wall). It scared my daughter a lot and I definitely have a bruise (although it is not swelling).

This is just a nightmare. I am so angry and resentful and just trying not to hate him. He has affected my life so negatively, I just cannot imagine any type of recovery.

He is asking again if I want to "sit down and talk about the possibility of moving." What do I tell my IM to tell him? Nothing? My attorney hasn't sent the letter yet.
Should I tell him my attorney is sending a letter?

I disagree. And I think Dr. Harley would tell you to pursue a restraining order.
Your attorney is just trying to avoid a contested divorce.

Don't respond.

There is no stance to agree with.
He is just an arrogant [censored] and acting like one.
He's playing games with you.

I'll email Dr. Harley about the restraining order issue. She said she didn't know if it would backfire on the move issue.

She basically said to use California's mandatory DV arrest law against him if he tries to talk to me or come in again rather than the restraining order. I didn't have any reason not to believe her, but I can talk to her again tomorrow.

You could have used CA's domestic violence arrest law against him though. He pushed you into a wall and created fear by knocking down the door. Like Jedi, I don't get your attorney's advice. That she hasn't sent a letter to WH either....what is she waiting for???

I would respond with "PW said she will get back to you." Either your attorney can get a move on it and send him the letter or your attorney can call him to set up a meeting with HER. Attorney can then tell you what he offered if is willing to talk to her. If he isn't then you know it's just to get you to see him.

If there is even a slight chance of getting his agreement to move and avoid more drama and court battles, I would not ignore him with no response. But that's just me.