None of this changes the fact that the majority of people who live together before marriage are renters, and have a higher chance of unhappy marriages and divorce.

There are smokers that can smoke a pack a day and live well into their 90s. It doesn't change the fact that for most people, it is generally a very bad idea.

None of this changes the fact that by letting them shack up in your home, you condoned and help pay for their renter lifestyle (the very renter lifestyle that caused your daughter to find someone new).

Unfortunately yes I do and why all of this makes me crazy because I don't want to feel that way but I considered them married and I am finding it hard to talk to my DD right now and we have never had that problem

But they weren't. So stop.

What you considered them is irrelevant. They were not married. It is not an affair, of any kind. She has met a new guy who she is more attracted to, and has decided to end her relationship with old guy. Until she is married she is free to date whoever she wants to.

Sometimes our plans for our children do not pan out exactly how we thought they would.

Open your mind to learn how to be a better role model in teaching your DD's the 'buyer' mentality. That is really the only thing you can do.

I think we determined quite a few pages ago that I made an error in judgement for allowing it in my home but none of that change the fact that she was already living with the BF for three years before they moved in here

My point: By letting them shack up in your home, you encouraged the renter relationship. As a renter, it is no surprise that your daughter moved on and found someone new. It was just a matter of time.

So stop being so upset with her. Start being upset with yourself. YOU encouraged this.

Why do you keep bringing it back to the fact that she was already living with him?
That is also irrelevant. It is not a reason or excuse for why YOU chose to let them live together in your own house. If you are accepting your error in judgement, then own it and don't try to give it a reason for being understandable. It is not understandable, it was just the wrong decision. Move on and don't make it again.

They were already living together for three years

And you condoned it. You encouraged this.

As far as your husband is concerned, I just want to throw this out there.

When I was in high school and college I also had a serious bf. His grandparents were friends with my grandparents, his parents friends with my parents. My senior year I asked if he could spend the night. My mother said NO WAY IN HXXL, but my dad was strangely OK with it. He loved this bf and thought it would be cool to chat at the breakfast table I guess.

Now as an adult with my own daughter, thinking back to his response makes me feel very uncared for by him. It is a father's job to look out for his daughter, and I do not feel he was looking out for me. I hope your husband knows the message this sends to his daughter, that he is willing to allow this. It says very blatantly that he doesn't care about her as a beautiful and cherished young lady. She may not see that message now, but some day she will.

That is a poor excuse for enabling your own daughter.

I have already owned up to that fact and will not make the same decision the next time, what I am saying is that even if they were not living with me they would be living together some where and this probably would have happened there too if it was going to happen and I would not have had anything to do with her renter behaviour I would still feel the same way.

That she is having an EA and if it goes any where with this new guy it will be hard for me to accept. A different guy would be fine but this guy I would always consider her.OM.

Merry go round music. I'm getting very dizzy. I need to get off the ride, sorry.

"Owning up" to a mistake is not demonstrated by concocting ridiculous excuses for your enabling.

If your child was shooting up heroin for 3 years, would you use that as an excuse to let her shoot up heroin in your own home? Would you say "she was going to do it anyway?" That is just an excuse for poor parenting.

And your daughter is not married so it is ridiculous to say she is having an "EA."

If you are going to be upset with anybody, it should be yourself for actively encouraging a lifestyle that would lead to this. Not your daughter. Yourself.

It is really high and mighty of you to sit there and look down your nose at her and call her a WW when you are the one that encouraged and condoned this lifestyle!

I guess we should be grateful your DD is not a serial killer with all the parental justifications and enabling we have seen here.

That is pretty low, and an insult to any man on here who has discovered his wife in an affair.

Well, she's not having an affair, but we have a solution for a situation where a parent is devastated by a child's affair: cut off contact.

We do not want our children to live together we would prefer they were married, we are not however going to disown them or not speak to them if thatis the choice they make.

We did not condone her moving in with the BF but she moved in with the BF so if we wanted a relationship with our DD we had no choice but to accept it.

I then made a poor choice to allow them to live under my roof but it happened and can't be changed.

My issue is how horrible I feel for being so upset with my DD for having what I consider in my own head an EA.

You condoned her living with him by allowing her to do so in your home. You encouraged the renter relationship, and in so doing, you encouraged a relationship that was doomed to fail.

Stop acting like she's a wayward and start being upset with yourself for condoning this lifestyle. It is hypocritical to be upset with her when you encouraged her to live that way by allowing her to do so under your own roof. You have no standing to be upset with her.