This is a good offer, axe

Thank you, I would be very grateful for that. I tamed my version quite a bit and almost sent it and then decided not to. I just didn't feel like it would help anything.

Her message wasn't mean or emotional, just very assertive about what she wanted done. And between that and the fog babble about me being scary and untrustworthy I let my frustration get away from me. DJs are a problem for me.

If you could type it into a notepad document and then paste it and submit it here that would be great: http://0bin.net/

After you click submit and the page showing you what you typed shows up, you just copy the web address and post that here. I don't know if WW is aware of this, but she'd only have to take a few sentences of whatever I send her and Google it to find this entire post, if we post the whole letter on MB. Using 0bin will allow you to share it without the content of the letter being searchable, as well as setting an expiration date on it.

I'll work on it on Halloween, Axe. Wasn't able to ge to it tonight.

Axe,

I drafted the letter per your instructions, and it can be found here: http://0bin.net/paste/-xbSqrCg0mY1rNZp#xsDalk-SabD+PUWUfjms/F2CPcPol2DFbTZIo6JQVtr

This letter is meant to be a Plan A love letter. Business issues and the finger pointing are left out.

Your wife who is in the fog may not respond to it. In fact, she probably won't. But by sending it you are showing her that you care, and you do so with tender expression. If and when the fog lifts, she will remember how you demonstrated love and commitment, even when she was wayward.

In all future communications with your wife, desist from disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts, and selfish demands. Very, very hard to do when you are being abused. But that is what will make you the superior man.

Good luck.

Thank you Justthe3ofus, this is an awesome template of how to communicate in this situation. I will put this to good use. Also thank you for the suggestion about avoiding finger pointing, that sums up very well how I can avoid not doing what I'm naturally inclined to do here.

OM's stand is supposed to be open tomorrow according to his FB (was closed last week when I went to confront). Going to talk to him.

Good luck in your meeting with the OM. Glad you are confronting him.

Just confronted OM. What a rush.

Had to go alone, nobody I could find to go with me today but I did take a VAR and it got what I said cleanly recorded in case he tries to say I threatened him.

Very short conversation, maybe 3 minutes tops.

Went up to his stand, customers talking to him. Just jumped right in and started and the customers cleared out of his stand and all of the ones next to us.

Kept it short and sweet. Just told him that I knew about the A and that I wasn't going anywhere nor scared to face him. Told him that WW means a lot to me, that I had stood at an altar and swore to love her, and that things were not over between he and I.

What a sleazy character. He was shaking, wouldn't look me in the eyes. Tried to deny the A until I cited evidence, then made excuses and said they were friends. Very quickly pulled out his phone and said he was going to call the cops if I didn't leave.

Finished saying what I had to say and left. He tried to get in some parting shots as I was walking off, but I just kept walking.

A little concerned about another RO filing or other sleazy attempts to damage me but I have my VAR recording. I wasn't trying to disregard advice here about backup, I just didn't want to wait any longer and I knew at this point I could control myself. Now to see where the chips fall!

Good!

Great job, Axe. Glad you did this. And the VAR was a great safety precaution. I'm glad you did it at his workplace and in front of his customers. You did it, Eastwood!

One day when the fog lifts from your wife, she will look up to you for fighting for your marriage. Wive's want to know that their husbands will fight for them.

Right now you may be the villain to her, but later she will see it differently.

Why not send her a text right now letting her know that you are still fighting for her and that you just confronted the other man. Leave out the details of the conversation with him and just let her know. You plant Plan A seeds by doing so.

MIL sent me a text with some updates about WW last night.

Apparently WW is not driving the vehicle she took. She told them it's non-operable currently, but it could just be that she can't register or insure it without me as it's in my name. I've noticed it's not at her workplaces when I've drove by, one is on my way to work. What she told them is broke would only take $100 to fix.

I guess she's using public transportation to get around. They've seen her walking between bus stops and her work. WW apparently told them she's taking turns staying with different friends right now, has no long term housing. Also apparently near broke.

My hunch is that OM has suckered her into a shared business scheme. OM had put on his biz FB page earlier this week that the reason his stand wasn't open the last two weeks was "due to another project that is now finished". WW had mentioned something to her parents about a new business opportunity around the same time. Hard to know where all of her $$$ went but I have a hunch that it may have gone into whatever this project is, and possibly is gone now. Like he milked her for some $$$ and sex with empty promises about business partnership.

They are concerned for her well being because she was apparently sick when they last saw her and has been refusing hospitality from them (rides to work, staying with them, etc), but are frustrated because she also borrowed a large sum of money from them a month ago and is now broke.

I am weary of the accuracy of any of this since she is in the fog but I wonder if her affair world is collapsing around her. I also wonder if confronting OM might be a death blow to the affair relationship. If this bit about the vehicle is true he doesn't seem to be much willing to help her, and he was certainly unhappy yesterday that I confronted at his place of business. Between what she's kept to herself and the amount of money her parents loaned her, she could have easily paid an attorney to file for D by now if that was her objective.

Not to get ahead of myself but I've been reading other threads trying to figure out the process goes of taking her back if she breaks down and wants to move back in. I feel like I must get agreement on EPs and an STD test before I open the door to her. Am I wrong?

Yes, EPs must be in place. And she will need to send a no contact letter that you read and make sure is delivered.

WW found the Cheaterville post, just replied to it. Fog babble about her planning to leave me before meeting OM, calling him a victim and a friend. Disheartening to see she's still so fogged at this point.

After sleeping on it, the Cheaterville response doesn't bother me as much. She admits the business relationship and calls him a business associate, so my hunch about a business venture was spot on.

Also never refutes the affair and actually confirms the story I provided about him by trotting out "I was wanting to leave before OM and I met anyways" fog babble. Waywards are so short sighted. It's almost like she doesn't understand the meaning of the word "cheat" or the entire point of the site. Fogged out thinking.

I guess I was just a little stunned at her willingness to go to a public site to defend their affair. But in retrospect, I think the exposure and confrontation must be causing them issues or else she wouldn't bother. I never sent OM a link to the post or anything so I'm kind of amused/curious that it got back to him.

If she does come out of the fog however, this (like all of the lying to her own family) will be incredibly embarrassing. You can't delete what's posted on Cheaterville. That's there forever now.

Axslinger,

You are correct in getting STD testing and then perhaps waiting 3 or 4 months for a 2nd STD test before you would resume any non-safe contact.

Amazing how many empty and worthless OM "businessmen / entrepreneurs" are out there, they are the male equivalents of female prostitutes who claim to be actresses / models.

Wow, WW borrowed money from her family for OM? It's already wasted, possibly for drugs, very sad.

God Bless
Gamma

Axe,
Did you let your WW that you confronted the OM?

I'm going to send her a Facebook today about it. She deactivated her old phone so I can't text her.

Realizing this was a mistake. He broke the news first to her. :S

What's your mistake?

When she asks, you just let her know that you care about her too much to allow an affair to occur without fighting for both of your marriages.

Then end that topic. Honey, I am willing to create a safe and loving marriage, but your affair must end before you will feel cherished by your own husband. Or something similar that someone else suggests.

LTL

Of course he did. The point is to share with your wife that you are fighting for her. It doesn't matter who tells her first. As I said before, she is in the fog now and I'm sure they are both demonizing you, but later if she comes out of the fog she will love and respect you for having the nads to fight for the marriage.