What do you really know about this 'evil' ex wife? What he has told you about her of course. She is a betrayed wife who had a serial cheating husband, yet she is evil for using the brazilian divorce system to what...get a divorce from her lying cheating husband with multiple girlfriends and one who he has fathered children with???

She is not the one looking evil here.

Which describes about 99% of cheaters. And he may also be mentally done with the poster here, so I am sure he feels justified in moving on to the next woman. She knew this was his pattern when she married him so from my perspective, it is just a matter of accepting the consequences of her actions. She married a cheater...........and he cheats.

Just as ML says, she knew he was a cheater and was EXPECTING him to cheat on her. She is a willing participant in this.

See, you are a volunteer. You signed on for this.

Now, YOU are the "evil" ex wife. When you married him, you created a job vacancy for the next OW.

Please listen to the clips in here.

Serial Cheaters

Apparently his first wife never knew about his cheating. I'm not sure I'd catergorise my relationship with him after his first marriage ended as an affair as his wife left him and took his kids back to Brazil ages before I even met him. He did try to patch it up with her and we discussed it all when we were just friends. I would never have gone into the relationship if I thought they would reconcile. It was her that stopped the divorce at every corner as she wanted a Portuguese passport (he's half Portuguese half English). I was never the issue in that relationship.

And now it's your turn so what exactly is it you are looking for here?

You are saying you had a long term A with her husband and he fathered two children with you, but this was not an 'issue' in their relationship???

Let me do the math here. You have been together for ELEVEN years. You have had two children, out of wedlock, with a man who is married to another woman. You say you didn't start dating until his marriage was 'over' (clearly not technically, just because he said so), yet his divorce was just final in DECEMBER.

So he was separated for over a decade from his wife, just because she was trying to obtain a Portuguese passport???

Meanwhile, she had NO IDEA he was cheating, and had a girlfriend for over a decade who he fathered two children with???

And this was *not an issue* in their relationship???

Yep, we can do math around these parts! And that, my friend, does not add up.

Seriously, your marriage to this man is doomed. I just hope that you start being a bit more honest with yourself about your OWN role in this disaster, educate yourself on what a real marriage is, and start being a better role model to those young kids.

Like I said, he was a married man and your relationship was an affair. The OW probably believes he will never reconcile with you either. He is surely telling her the same lies about his impending "divorce" that he told you.

Can we agree that the OW is not the issue in your relationship either? She is just filling an open position left by your shift from OW to wife.

You knowingly married a serial cheater, so what do you expect? I mean, c'mon. Put on your thinking cap, Madam!!

In addition to the aboves, please read this.

You're Special

One sign to be concerned about is an infection caused by STD. Get yourself tested and protect yourself in the future if you plan to stay in this relationship.

Your husband may have ended relationship w/the woman you have caught him with and promised and really meant he ended the affair. But he likely is or has groomed another. Another sign is his dishonestly and expectation you just get over it.

He will not want to be agreeable with you and discount your feelings. This will be a stressed out toxic marriage for you. Your children will act out and live in inappropriate dysfunctional roles the rest of their lives in order to survive the emotionally vacant environment. You will make excuses for him. It will feel like you sold your sole to the devil. You will diminish yourself and put up with crumbs. On and on. These are some of the signs.

Brainhurts.... The You're Special clip is him all over - I can actually here him saying those things. When I met him I was in such a low place that even though I didn't really fancy him, I started in a relationship with him because he behaved just like that. Am very tempted to email it to the OW.

There is a lot of things I haven't told you about the first wife, ie. her sending her children to live with us for the last 7 years and basically wiping her hands clean of them. The eldest has even said to my brother that she doesn't give a toss about him. She's really not the nicest person in the world, this is not from whats come from him, this is what I have seen in her actions for the last 11 years. With regards to H - I'm fully aware of the situation as I'm not stupid, but with children involved it makes it all much harder. Plus he is a good father and they love him. I think I'll go and find a divorce lawyer at least to find out my rights etc.

Goosegoose,

None of that matters. The fact remains he was legally married to her at the time and, until he was divorced from her, you were the other woman.

You're right. Technically then, I was the OW - not that I ever saw it like that as I didn't split the marriage up. In fact, initially I encouraged him to patch his marriage up. She didn't want to know. I got involved with a man who didn't get divorced for 10 years. It was all totally of my control. What should I have done? Left him having had 2 children with him.... live as a struggling single mother? At least they've had 2 parents in their lives. I have been bringing up his children on my own except when he comes home, for the last four years. The eldest son isn't even H's biological son, he's from her first marriage. I've not been that bad a person. I resent the implications of my children suffering due to my choices. They haven't. I've done the best I can in a difficult situation. Now, I'm faced with him having an affair which even though I thought it would happen, I really hoped it wouldn't. It really sucks and it really hurts.

The betrayals and the addiction to an affair partner really does hurt your children. Just as an addicts addiction to a substance and the enabling spouses formula to stay entrenched in the addicts grounding hurts the children in a profound way. You have to admit you have been betrayal blind/fogged and likely its difficult to 'see' the hurt from a child's perspective. I'm sure you are not a bad person. You are a person that has shown to have poor boundaries with the opposite sex and your husband has also shown poor boundaries around OS. This is not destructive criticism but constructive and caring towards you and your children. The truth sets us free

You may NOT have split up the marriage. Perhaps the marriage was floundering before you came along, BUT once there you became the Other Woman in the marriage, and the marriage had little chance. If you had stayed out of it until after the divorce, their marriage might have had a chance. In any case, you would have avoided becoming involved with a married man, which is always a bad idea.


You are always in control of the people you choose to befriend. That you became obviously close friends with a married man most certainly was in your control.


Well....you could have avoided becoming involved with a married man in the first place. That would have been the best choice.


Your children really haven't had the benefit of having two parents raise them who actually live together in the same household.


I wonder what this has to do with your situation? Okay, the wife was married and had a child with her first husband, then your H helped parent him.


You can't see that your children have indeed suffered from your choices, because you are quite convinced that you have done nothing wrong - that getting involved with a married man was "okay" because they were separated, that living apart from your H and the fact that they didn't have the benefit of a day-to-day father is also okay.


Affairs do hurt and I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing. The way to prevent an affair is to have a PLAN of prevention: live together and spend the nights together, meet each others emotional needs, eliminate love busters, spend 15 hours of UA time together, follow the POJA and PORH. None of these can happen though when spouses live separately.