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Also--
Can someone show me where Dr. Harley's email is on the website? I have found the radio email, but not his direct email.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Also--
Can someone show me where Dr. Harley's email is on the website? I have found the radio email, but not his direct email. Send it to the Radio Email and it is forwarded to him. mbradio@marriagebuilders.com
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I'm struggling with obsessive thoughts, regrets, etc. Yesterday was hard. My friends want to hear updates all the time and it makes things worse. One of the issues I have is that people tell me things unasked. I tell them I don't want to know, but once the toothpaste is out of the tube�It's hard, I don;t necessarily want to avoid people who are supportive, but it might be too hard if they have contact with him regularly (through his gym).
I am still struggling with anger, depression and anxiety.
On top of it all, I can't believe I miss this person who has treated me so badly. You need to firmly tell your friends that you don't want them to ask about your WH nor do you want to hear anything about him. If they persist, I would invite them into my life a lot less. Are you on any ADs?
Married 1980 DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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LWFH,
I am not on ADs. I need to look into it. I have epilepsy, so I have to be sensitive to any interactions my medication has with SSRIs.
I have been on them in the past. I was on them briefly in college and then after I gave birth for postpartum depression (this was before I started having seizures).
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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So, I am not sure what to do.
My husband asked my IM when my move-out date was. My IM just told him the end of this month or the beginning of next month when our agreement is in place. So now he has asking if he wants me to pay half the rent for December instead of my daughter's daycare (he has been paying her daycare--which is about half of what our rent is)--because I am unemployed.
I guess this is an admission that he is letting us go (he is talking to my lawyer on Friday about a final agreement). Should I take his offer? It would be nice to get help with the rent and if he does let us go, I would surely be out of here before Christmas.
Advice? I am not sure what to do with his overtures to help.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I don't see why you wouldn't take his offer of help with the rent...he should have been paying some kind of support anyway. Plan B is not turning down support he should be paying to support you or DD.
ETA, your IM can tell him to bring a post dated check to your lawyers office on Friday, However, you get the funds just keep it simple and the response should be brief.
Last edited by black_raven; 11/10/14 04:12 PM.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
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So, I am not sure what to do.
My husband asked my IM when my move-out date was. My IM just told him the end of this month or the beginning of next month when our agreement is in place. So now he has asking if he wants me to pay half the rent for December instead of my daughter's daycare (he has been paying her daycare--which is about half of what our rent is)--because I am unemployed.
I guess this is an admission that he is letting us go (he is talking to my lawyer on Friday about a final agreement). Should I take his offer? It would be nice to get help with the rent and if he does let us go, I would surely be out of here before Christmas.
Advice? I am not sure what to do with his overtures to help. View it as a gift from the Lord. The Bible says that "All good things come from above." IF I were in your shoes I would consider it a gift from God and accept it (using the IM and not breaking Plan B).
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I am, definitely.
He still hasn't written the cheque yet, so I won't count my chickens before they hatch, but I will accept it if he does.
I still cannot believe that he is actually letting me leave as well. But I will take all of it as a gift. My dad still lives in the four bedroom house that I grew up in on the Southern California coast. It's just him in there, so there is plenty of room for me and my daughter. It's near good schools and there are lots of activities for kids.
I have a master's degree and have NEVER been unemployed before this current layoff, so I don't think I will struggle too much to find something. Even if it does take a little time, I qualified for unemployment insurance since it was a layoff.
I am disappointed that he doesn't want to come, even if just for his daughter's sake. But what can I do? Waywards disappoint. I am sorry she will have to deal with that for the rest of her life and it hurts me to think about it...but his choices are what led to this and it is his choice to stay.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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My WH just asked my IM if he could take my daughter to get a flu shot if she hasn't had one. I said OK (I mean, OK, if he wants to take care of her flue shot, that's great).
I am not sure what he is doing with the book and the money and the flu shot. It seems he is trying to butter me up without ending his affair.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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My WH just asked my IM if he could take my daughter to get a flu shot if she hasn't had one. I said OK (I mean, OK, if he wants to take care of her flue shot, that's great).
I am not sure what he is doing with the book and the money and the flu shot. It seems he is trying to butter me up without ending his affair.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I am disappointed that he doesn't want to come, even if just for his daughter's sake. But what can I do? Waywards disappoint. I am sorry she will have to deal with that for the rest of her life and it hurts me to think about it...but his choices are what led to this and it is his choice to stay. You are better off with him far away. Also, waywards make terrible parents so your daughter will be better off without him around too.
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Keep being accomodating to his requests until the court documents are formally approved and you are moved. Let him think you will be great friends after divorce.
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[quote=PigletWiglet]
You are better off with him far away. Also, waywards make terrible parents so your daughter will be better off without him around too. You know this is so true. My mom is an unrepentant wayward and she is currently staying with me to help me stay in Plan B (we live far away from family, so it was hard for me to Plan B with such a young kid without someone to physically pass her off to). She still says the craziest stuff about my dad, justifies her affair and acts ridiculously selfishly at times. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but I realize now how strained our relationship became because of her affair and her choices. That's just an interesting aside.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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[quote=PigletWiglet]
You are better off with him far away. Also, waywards make terrible parents so your daughter will be better off without him around too. You know this is so true. My mom is an unrepentant wayward and she is currently staying with me to help me stay in Plan B (we live far away from family, so it was hard for me to Plan B with such a young kid without someone to physically pass her off to). She still says the craziest stuff about my dad, justifies her affair and acts ridiculously selfishly at times. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but I realize now how strained our relationship became because of her affair and her choices. That's just an interesting aside. I didn't know your mom was a wayward herself. An unrepentant wayward is just poison. I'm surprised she is helping you in plan B.
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Well, my parents have been divorced for 16 years now�
And I am her kid. She was unrepentant about her affair and she has always been pretty attention-seeking and selfish, but she never abandoned us or anything like. She went back and forth with my dad for about 4 years when I was a teenager, but she was definitely around and I saw her almost everyday. I was old enough by then that I just sort of went between their houses whenever I wanted, but I mostly lived with my dad.
She has basically said that she waited to step out on my dad until we were old enough that she didn't have to fight for us.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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She sounds like my ex wife I think she would go back and forth with me if I hadn't of gone plan B with her after divorce.
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Yeah, living with my mom is hard.
This morning she was on the phone with my uncle and she told him I got a job offer. I didn't. I have an interview and I corrected her. And she said, "same thing." After the call, I told her they are not the same thing and explained the difference and told her to please not lie or embellish the truth. Then got really upset and called me a "[censored]" and said she was leaving. She has a VERY tenuous relationship with the truth and whenever anyone calls her on it, she gets very upset.
I wish she would leave to be honest as living with a wayward is hard, but I don't have anyone else to run interference with my husband at the moment.
Last edited by PigletWiglet; 11/12/14 02:02 PM.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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My WH is stalling�he told my lawyer that he is sick and couldn't go in to review the agreement.
UGH.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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My WH is stalling�he told my lawyer that he is sick and couldn't go in to review the agreement.
UGH. So now what?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He can't stay sick forever.
If he won't give me the deal, I file a court motion to move and file for divorce.
I am definitely in the hate zone with this man.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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