jniang, are you preparing yourself for the fact that he will stop giving you money altogether?

SInce there are no children of the marriage and no assets together, you should at least file for separation if you don't want to file for divorce. Depending on the state you live in, your H could incur debt that you may be jointly responsible for. If you can't afford to live on your own without his income, you need to look at moving also...you need to think about your children. Sorry if this sounds harsh but your H has little incentive to return to the marriage with no children, assets, or support orders (he isn't even on the lease). Plan B may wake him up but Plan B is to protect you (and your kids) not him.

If you share any credit cards, I would cut him off of your accts and file ASAP. Ask your landlord to key the locks. You will have to pay for that but at least you don't have to worry about H coming and going as he pleases. The landlord shouldn't care. Inform the landlord that your H moved out months ago and that you do not authorize him to let H in if he shows up looking for a key.

do you have any info on GPS units that can be attached to his car?

Jiniang,


I am very sorry you are here.
If you file for D, those papers can be ripped up if you later decide to reconcile.
Please continue to come here for help, some of these folks are pros at this!

If you have a spare key to his car you can put a voice activated recorder in it.
I'm sure he talks to OW while he is in the car.
PM me if you need help with that.
A GPS in his car would be great Aswell.
Do you have access to his cell phone bill which might reveal the phone numbers he has been calling? (This was huge for me, but my W changed his name in the cell phone to appear like she was talking to a female all those hours)

Here you go GPS Units

Garak, PM has been disabled. Jniang is welcome to address the board with questions about spyware.

Cool,
Sorry I didn't know.

Thanks Garak, I had a spare key prior to him leaving but that was one of the first things he was sure to take back. Suppose I find a suspicious phone # on old phone records...how would I prove who that phone # belongs to? How would I prove the the type of relationship? He uses his personal cell for work so majority of the #'s that I would find would be his clients...

A phone # alone will not prove an affair. It will help lead you to the right person. But all you need to do is follow him home to find who he lives with. It is very likely he lives with his OW. It should be very simple to uncover his affair.

A PI could get you everything you need in one day probably.

Jniang is there a reason you won't just follow him?

At this point he is moved out, and as ML has said, is probably living with the OW. It should not be too difficult to ascertain this and figure out who the OW is.

As far as the phone number, there are several reverse phone lookup sites online, you may have to pay to look up the number but it is a minimal charge. If I search for my own cell phone it links to several sites that say they will provide my full name and address, the first one I went into says they will do it for $1.95. Can you do this and see who the suspicious number belongs to? At least it is a name to start with.

Here is a good cell phone lookup site: http://safecaller.com/index.php

You really need to be more of a bulldog here. There are MANY ways to find out about an A, it seems you have used little to none of those, before or after he moved out. You have to do better than that.

You WH has already left, likely to shack up with another woman. There are ways you could fight this, but you cannot do that unless you know whats going on. Don't you want to know the truth about what is going on?

You would need to find a phone number that he calls a lot for weeks or. Months.
Some of these conversations would probably be long in duration.
Is the car that he is driving in your name aswell?
If it is in your name, you could take the fin to the dealer and have a key made, or possibly a lock smith could do it with the vin.

Please do everything possible to prove an affair, I will say the moment I realised my W really had an affair, and it was reality it was like a death blow. I really needed to know, and now it has stopped, so I only wish I found out earlier.

The cool thing is, in the moments befor I found out, God told me clear as a bell that we go through these types of things to bring us closer to him, and God told me that He is in control. It was clear as a bell, no doubt whatsoever.

Well...I have since called and spoken with a PI and as I thought far too expensive for my pocket for a 1 night gamble. And following my H around myself could potentially result in a stalking charge if caught by my H according to the PI...which I cant afford either. Any other thoughts now?

You cant stalk your husband!
You are married!

According to the licensed PI I spoke to in the state I live in, it doesn't matter if we are legally still married or not. If my H catches me following him around, he could file a restraining order on me for stalking him. Or if I discovered my H with OW while following him around, the OW could file the same. Regardless, I cant afford to pay a PI myself so I think at this point I am going to find out what I can myself anyhow and hope I don't get caught...lol

Thats absolutely absurd.

Don't let some BS very minor slap on the wrist prevent you from doing what you absolutely must do.

Hey, jaywalking is illegal too.

Do you seriously think that if you found out where your H is going and who he is seeing, that he would bring Public Scrutiny to himself?

Come on..... That's exactly why they keep affairs secret.

I would be proud to want to go to court and out him on public record.

Are you a danger to him?

LTL

I agree, it's absolutely absurd! I am legally bound to my H via marriage so I should be able to know where/what etc he is or is not doing! I wouldn't think twice if I felt the need to follow my teenagers around (not that I do) so idk why I hesitated now or in the past with my H. I unfortunately let my emotions get in the way in the past instead of outsmarting him.

I am in no way a danger to him or have ever been (nor the OW if that's what I discover to be true) so I am not going to let the PI disuade me from finding out what I can on my own.

Good for you.

Now do it without hesitating.

LTL