Then saving your marriage is impossible.

Actually there are numerous ways to resolve this. But you have to quit saying things are impossible and start actually laying options on the table.

As Melody pointed out, having access to her accounts will not prevent contact.

We have seen many times where the wayward is repentant and wanting to work on the marriage, only to receive a phone call or an email and go back into the fog of the affair. Everything goes back to square one, and all progress is lost. It's like living through the affair all over again. This is one way recoveries fail.

You don't want to just monitor her. You want to make contact near impossible.

Think of her affair partner as a drug. She will always be vulnernable to him, even after your marriage recovers. She's addicted. One taste of him, and she will go back. She won't be able to help it. Protect her and your marriage by insisting that all means of contact are changed.

Is it the same company?
Why were they going to the same conference?


We have 7 kids and we never spend the night apart. Try again. There are many ways to solve this problem, but it does need to be solved. Your marriage will not survive you spending the night apart.

This will have to change, as well. The only way you will fully recover is if you spend the necessary time together without the kids. SHE needs this from you. Your marriage will not recover unless this problem is solved.

Agree x 1000.

While it does sound like you caught this in the very early stages before it became a full blown A, you seem to be in serious denial about the danger this man poses to your M.

Nights apart is risky for a HEALTHY marriage - forget one that is trying to recover. You should be eliminating all risky behavior and any access your W has to this man. She cannot be around him ever again without putting your marriage in danger.

Your marriage is headed to divorce anyway because of the lifestyle you lead. Your lifestyles won't sustain a marriage. You have so very many things working against you that it is not surprising at all that your wife is having an EA. I predict this won't end well.

And let me explain. When you put EVERYTHING before your marriage, as you have, it will eventually destroy your marriage. You clearly put her little job before your marriage and you also put your kids before it. You make emotional attachment, romantic love impossible because she travels and when she is is home, your marriage is last on the list. You might pass in the hall when you are both exhausted and at your very worst late at night after the kids are in bed. You can't sustain a marriage that way. When the marriage comes LAST it will fail.

I hope that you will listen to others here and do something before it is too late. If you won't listen, then you have no one but yourself to blame when your marriage falls apart.

]
Could you keep your job if you only spent an hour or two on some nights - when you are exhausted? Could you be a proper parent if you only devoted an hour or two some nights - when you are exhausted?

Yet you believe you can sustain the most important thing in your lives by devoting a few short hours every week when you are exhausted.

Your marriage is the most important thing in your lives and it is ranked 3-4 down on your priority list. It is the most important thing to your children and to your quality of life. A job does not provide quality of life: MARRIAGE DOES. Your children's security and well being depends on the success of your marriage. Their lives will be ruined if you get divorced. But you risk that security by neglecting your marriage.

If you don't change that dynamic, I assure you there will more affairs. All the remorse and crocodile tears and empty promises will not compensate for a failure to change the dynamic that led to this affair.

Your lifestyle cannot sustain a marriage.