That is not true my DD is not a nice person, you do not know her and I am not exaggerating when I tell you that many many many people have told me that including my own family members.

Your daughter and your husband are not selfish. They do what they feel is in their own best interest, and you are being disrespectful when you engage in name-calling like labeling their behavior "selfish."

None of these problems can get better as long as you reserve the right to be disrespectful like this.

There is nothing wrong with a person acting in their own self-interest. What is wrong is when you are willing to take what you want at the expense of other people. This is what happens when a person listens to their Giver and tries to ignore their Taker as you tend to do - they don't act to prevent the other person from getting what they want in a way that is hurtful. Then they resent the other person for doing it.

The solution is to not let people do things that you are not enthusiastic about. Unfortunately you are committed to the damaging practice of sacrifice, and the result is your own mounting resentment.

I looked at your posting history and people here have been trying to get through to you for years about how damaging sacrifice is, but you have always proudly defended your belief in sacrifice. I guess it gives you something to feel proud about and perhaps makes you feel like you are better than your husband and daughter. Since we haven't been able to persuade you, I hope that anyone reading along will see how your belief in sacrifice has led to this situation that is making you so resentful, and will learn to avoid it.

She will come in and just turn the TV and my eldest DD is not "brave" enough to say anything, instead she will cry and go upstairs.

But that's not a problem of being selfish. That's a problem of wanting to get your way at the expense of other people. The problem is not that she is thinking of herself - the problem is that she needs to think about other people as well. "Selfish" is a disrespectful label, and using it even when you are just talking about it to us makes this problem worse.

Your eldest daughter is listening to her Giver, and not her Taker. Your eldest daughter needs to be MORE selfish - she needs to think more about what is in her own best interest and bringing her interest into play with her sister. But you have probably taught her that it is wrong to do that by labeling that "selfish."

She should be selfish! She just shouldn't try to get her way at the expense of other people.

I have taught her no such thing

What is it then if it is not selfish or self centered......

Yes you have - that is what you teach people when you tell them it is wrong to be "selfish."

My mind boggles at how these children are my age (married with 2 kids) yet I feel like crying and interrupting a TV show is a dispute between two elementary children.

You want these kids to grow up then for goodness sake. For every millennial acting 12, you have a millennial parent wanting to keep them 12...

We have different definitions of selfish. My youngest DD and my DH do this "to take what you want at the expense of other people" so in my opinjion that is being selfish, I do not know what else to call it other than that.

For the millionth time I am just concerned about my DD.

My problem is this DD happens to be for lack of anything to put myself I will take what someone else said an immature single childless 24 year old who is looking out for her best self-interest and I would like to be able to show her that is not a good thing

Is not doing things that hurt other people the same as being selfish?

I do not see the difference. There is obviously something I do not understand.

But there is nothing wrong with that at all. There's nothing wrong with being single and childless; there's nothing wrong with breaking off one dating relationship to choose another. You want her to do differently, but that is your own selfishness speaking.