So you had a "renters" agreement and never converted it into a "buyers" agreement after marriage.

This is a typical false recovery.
WW was NOT doing everything possible to save your marriage. She was dictating recovery terms to you.

I think he has been married to his wife for 3 years.
They shacked up together for the years prior to marriage.

We weren't in a renters mentality, we were a family. We just never had a wedding and got married. My wife advised this was very important to her so we ended up doing it. I was never going to just go to the courthouse and get married or something, we had her dream wedding and honestly would not have been able to do that earlier in our lives becasue we wouldn't have been able to afford it.

We were never seeing other ppl or anything like that. We lived together and were basically married for 8 years before we got married.

I would agree she never did everything and that's why I couldn't get over it I think and got overtaken with resentment.

Yes, we lived together for 8 years before we got married. We lived together for 11 1/2 years total until I moved out in August of this year.

We had kids since 2004, so we moved in together about 6 months before having our first child when we found out she was pregnant.

This is complete nonsense and every long term renter that comes here has the same explanations.
Sir, the fact is neither of you got married because the marital commitment was not a priority to you.
Poor people in third world countries get married out of commitment but the standard excuse often repeated here is "We can't afford it."

I'm going to post a quote from Dr. Harley about marriage that he wrote to another poster. I suggest you read it.

You are where you are at today because you and your wife are both renters.

I agree with that statement from a legal standpoint but that has nothing to do with the level of commitment two people have for each other in a relationship.

We were total partners and were a family. We had no "openness" in our relationship, were committed to us being an exclusive couple and spouse honestly. We called each other husband and wife and had the expectation of fidelity and support a spouse would give one another.

Either way, we ended up getting married and did so through our Church which took about a 2 year commitment to even become eligible to get married in our church (catholic - we had to get my wife up to date with her faith formation).

Either way we are talking present day. We are married, still have not filed for divorce and I want to try and salvage it. Wife is all over the place right now and doesn't realize what she's doing. I know she's in a fog but I am trying to figure out what I can do to get her out of it. I know we realistically cant work on the relationship until something snaps her out of it.

But but but but but.

Why do some many people have to sound as if they are in the tub playing motor boat? Or but but but but pretending they are riding a Harley?

If the commitment was there then a marriage would of happened. You have the marriage that you can afford. Many a families long term finances will be better served living in ones means.

I understand and agree with the concept. I'm not disagreeing.

Regardless, we did get married. We made the commitment and it was an eye opening process going through our church and faith formation together. I know I was totally committed to the marriage.

What I need to know now is what I need to do to fix the marriage. I have exposed to her family and mine. I know her older sister, our sister in law (who has been a close friend to her) and her brothers and dad all discourage what she's doing. I know they have all been trying to get through to her but she just dismisses anyone that tries to speak to her about it. She has some enabling friends and for some reason has put all her trust in what they say because they are validating her actions. She has a best friend who ahs become her 'partner in crime'and encourages her every step of the way. This friend was cheated on by her husband and they are currently separated (about a couple weeks after my wife and I separated). You would think she would be more sensitive to me but she went the opposite way and I guess dislikes husbands all together now?

So I am in Plan A right now. I went to the Dr. yesterday and started AD meds. They said it will take like 2 weeks before they really kick in. I went over to wife's house again last night, today is her birthday. We were texting and she said "you can come help me fold laundry and see the kids if you want," so I figured declining would not be a good idea. We slept together but no sf today like the previous 2 days, mostly because there was a minor LB last night, she asked if I could babysit her friend's (the one mentioned above) child on Saturday so they could go out for my wife's bday. I had overheard her tell this friend she invited one of the guys she's talking to out with them for her bday. So obviously, I was upset by this and I declined. She asked why and I didn't really know what to say and said becasue I didn't feel like it (wrong choice of words...I know). She said, "well that's rude" and you could tell was upset. This bothered me and as much as I tried to hold it in, she kept saying what's wrong, what's bothering you and I simply said, "please don't be making me look like a loser to everybody". I don't know if her friend knows we've been staying together the last couple of nights but I feel like she makes me look like I won't leave her alone or demeans me out in public. This one comment got a huge response from her and she was mad and we just went to sleep. It wasn't until the early morning that she let me hug her. I left on good terms and have been texting her casually and fun this morning so far.

Hopefully I am doing this ok, I know the first time around I was not great at Plan A. I had alot of AO's and kept bringing up the A but this time around have learned to handle it differently. I will continue this and hope to get through the weekend ok becasue I know she will probably be hanging out with some guy this weekend and that is going to bother me. I hope she doesn't get all attached to this person quickly like she did the guy she was seeing. Any advice on what else I can do is greatly appreciated.

I got her a nice card and a photo album for her bday, it will be delivered to her office today. It was a picture of us kissing on our wedding day (Idk if this bother her or get through to her but you gotta try right...).

Sir, I understand you wanted to become a buyer.
But I don't think your wife ever did. She may have wanted a wedding, but did not want the contractual commitment which comes with a legal marriage license.

Regarding your exposure, have you fully exposed to the OM family and friends?
Did you contact OM parents and ask them to use their influence to persuade their son to end his affair?
Have you posted OM on Cheaterville?

Do you know who she is sexting?
By sexting I assume she is sending naked pictures of herself and writing about performing sex acts with them?
If you find out who these men are expose to their families.

Also, did Dr. Harley respond to your email?
I don't know what to suggest because she apparently is actively seeking out affairs with multiple men.

I exposed to our family and friends and OM's family. His family doesn't care and was encouraging the relationship, his mother especially. He actually broke it off with her and has been seeing someone else.

I haven't put him on cheaterville. I will look into it this week.

She did this before when I first moved out. I don't believe she doesn't anymore with the exception of the man she had a relationship (don't know if she did it for sure). She no longer speaks to the ppl she was sexting. She was sending naked pics and lingerie pics and videos of her dancing dressed like this. I'm not sure about the contents of the messages, never got to see them with the exception of the ones to her first A partner asking him to come over with a topless picture.

No response form Dr. Harley. I notified the mods yesterday.

Yeah, she is operating as if we are single since we live separately. She doesn't agree that we should be honoring our wedding vows.

TX, you were wrong to have relationships/affairs with OW...even if no sex happened you were still wrong but given your WWs behavior, I can not understand why you want to reconcile with her at this point. She is a serial cheater and easily spreads her legs for anyone. You are in Plan C and have been for a long time.

And stop making excuses for your WW. She cheats because she wants to and honestly it looks like it doesn't take much.

I agree I shouldn't have. I regret it now honestly, I even posted this much in someone else's thread.

She has some mental issues but yes her decisions to see other men are totally on her. I want to save our marriage because for 9 1/2 out of 11 years of relationship she was great. She loved me, didn't stray and didn't want to...We also have 4 beautiful children that deserve a loving family home and all these things are worth fighting for to me.

2 years out of 50 or 60 that we can end up being together in this life is insignificant in the long run (to me anyways) and throwing away 50 or 60 years of possible happiness isn't what I want to do.

And I agree, I was in plan I dont give a crap honestly. I was totally out of it and didn't think about what I was doing. Even when she came back to me, I was not going to have any part of it...when that passes and the anger and resentment are gone then it hits you like a freight train.