Hi All,

I have listened to the anger management 101 thread and I think it was tremendously helpful. Are there any other anger management resources that I should be looking at? As I have said before, I think my anger contributed to our failed reconciliation attempt when he had written the no contact letter and was willing to move (and I was just so, so angry and he split again). Of course, he went straight back into contact with her and I went into Plan B, but I still want to work on my anger issues, no matter what.

Others will be able to provide better details and a link for you, but many people use some sort of a Bio-Feedback device to guage themselves.

LTL

I used to become angry when I was younger.
I found the key to be balance: sleep, exercise, good food.
As Dr. Harley explains you need to calm yourself when you start to get under stress. I recall reading Rudy Guliani's book "Leadership" several years ago and he wrote that on the very night of the 9/11 attacks, he read one of Churchill's books before bed. He made sure he got sleep and stayed calm!

Last night I prayed about it and this came to me�.when I start to feel angry, ask myself, "Will this action or thought benefit me and the other person?" and let that guide my action.

I used it today with my mom and it worked! I need easy rules of thumb in order to function. LOL.

God is good.

Have you seen this?


How to Negotiate When You Are an Emotional Person

Thanks for the tips Brainhurts.

Actually asking myself if this action or thought is beneficial to me and the other person is really simple and really effective.

i will definitely get the biomonitor as well.

So, WH talked to lawyer today about my move. She told him that I accepted his terms for the move and he said the following that doesn't make any sense:

1) He didn't want to get a divorce and he hasn't talked to OW in 3-4 weeks.

2) Is scared that I am going to move down there and just divorce him in 6 months.

3) Is annoyed that I don't talk to him.

Lawyer handled it well by saying that if he meets my conditions, I'll have a conversation with him. The rest of that mess doesn't make much sense. If it is really over with her, then why not try to prove it to me? If he doesn't want to get a divorce, then take pro-active steps for that not to happen. It seems pretty simple.

So, WH talked to lawyer today about my move. She told him that I accepted his terms for the move and he said the following that doesn't make any sense:

1) He didn't want to get a divorce and he hasn't talked to OW in 3-4 weeks.

2) Is scared that I am going to move down there and just divorce him in 6 months.

3) Is annoyed that I don't talk to him.

Lawyer handled it well by saying that if he meets my conditions, I'll have a conversation with him. The rest of that mess doesn't make much sense. If it is really over with her, then why not try to prove it to me? If he doesn't want to get a divorce, then take pro-active steps for that not to happen. It seems pretty simple.

Do you have an IM?

Yes. He knows he may try to prove to the IM that he is meeting my conditions if he wants to talk to me...I think. At least I know my IM told him that.

If he is serious then he will go through the IM.
Sometimes when people are in the fog they get overwhelmed with legal issues. He is probably trying to maintain some level of control over the situation.

I know. I don't think he is serious. At least not yet. So Plan B continues.

Can I ask (without any real expectation)--does anyone actually recover after being in Plan B for awhile (for me its been about 7 weeks)?

My husband told my lawyer yesterday that he hasn't seen OW in weeks and doesn't want to get divorced. None of it means much because beyond annoying my IM all the time and sending me a book, he hasn't done anything to meet the EP requirements to stay married to me.

I was (am) resigned to a divorce, but the fact that he said those things (which again, don't mean much), make me think that he is a least *thinking* about manning up. Who knows?

And when I say recover, I mean marital recovery--not personal recovery, which is always a byproduct of Plan B.

Some people have recovered after being in Plan B...don't have numbers but some have. If the marriage isn't recovered, it is usually because the BS has a WS who is too lazy, thoughtless and isn't serious about recovery anyway...and you don't want that. That would be a continuing hell to live in.

Too true. I have learned to only watch his actions. When we were in love, he would actually ask for more accountably in order to tame his renterish tendencies (although I didn't think about it that way then). He actually opened up a credit card once and didn't tell me and charged a bunch of money. I found out while looking through his email (I didn't think he was having an affair and he wasn't at the time. I would just look every now and again because he would be signed in).

I confronted him about this. When I did he threatened to leave (this is his typical control tactic) because I was "controlling." Did I mention that I was 8 months pregnant and he was unemployed? Yeah, so during that fight I did somethinf I had never done before and invited him to leave if he wanted to. That snapped it out of it. Then he requesyed that we open a mint account and list all of our accounts and assets as a way to keep him accountable. So he knows his IB and SSL are there lurking. He has tried to tame them at least to some degree in the past. He clearly didn't go far enough though.

The longer in Plan B the better so far as marital recovery goes. The BS is tough and healed with a high bar. The affair relationship in irredeemable tatters after SO long trying to make a pig fly.

That's why Dr H gives a two year timescale.

My WH let my lawyer know that he gets why I want to move and thinks it's better for me and my daughter in the long run. But he is not willing to sign off until he has a lawyer look at the agreement. He is scared that I'm just going to go down and divorce him (I am not sure why he cares if I divorce him at this point). I'm just so tired and just want to go home.

I could use some prayers.

You've got it.