On the good faith stuff, I don't think I have to agree to anything. I don't think that actually goes into the agreement.

In any case, black raven is right, this has gone on too long. I should have just packed up and taken off a long time ago, but I was stupid about it.

A court could actually order me to communicate with him about my daughter, but until some judge makes me do that, I really don't want to.

You weren't stupid, PW but at some point you need to make a decision and go with it. I hope whatever your lawyer is preparing it is looking out for you...and you only. It is not her job to advise WH about anything or protect any of his interests in any way, shape or form.

My lawyer is preparing a post-nup. He is giving me most of the savings and allowing me to keep my retirement accounts in exchange for not having a claim on his "future earnings from his writing", so its a good deal for me. I am keeping real assets and he his keeping "future earnings" which have no real value at the moment. He hasn't published a thing in the 10 years I have been with him...so I am not too worried about it.

On the custody stuff, my lawyer advised that I just ask for child support AFTER I move, which is the right way to go. He has asked that neither party file for spousal support in the event of a divorce, which is fine because I will be living with my folks and I have always made much more than him (except for right now because I am laid off). If he were to prevent me from leaving, I would sign no such thing and he would have to pay me spousal support.

But yes, my lawyer basically said, "once you get down there you can do whatever the "heck" you want in terms of custody and he can't do anything about it. Also, nobody can legally require you not to file for divorce. A court might order you to communicate with him directly, but until that time, you don't have to."

Also, on the insurance thing...I could add him to some future plan, but the chances of him being able to avail himself of it are very low. It would probably be an HMO or something that he culdn't even use in Northern Cal because it would be out of network.

I am very tired. All of this back and forth and rigamaroll makes me a lot less likely to want to reconcile with him ever. Like I told Dr. Harley today, I am very, very ambivalent. Just getting the heck out is of the utmost importance.

I have to look for work in order to get unemployment, but I am taking it easy. I am usually very hard driving, but I am just so exhausted and want an end to this nightmare.

Sounds good. When is the deadline for him to review/sign?

Believe me, I made this decision a long time ago. I'm not staying no matter what. He cannot order me to stay here. He can only make a stink about custody, in which case, let keepy daughter (he won't do that). The deadline is now. My lawyer is writing up the agreement.

I am only stupid in the sense that I followed the law and respected his rights. I just should have left. He would not have done anything about it.

Believe me, I am not ambivalent about leaving at all. I couldn't care less about leaving this man at this point. My greatest fear right now is seeing him in any way, shape or form. I can't wait to leave, I just don't want this held up because he wants to find a way to text me his tantrums.

Sigh...my lawyer didn't say anything to him about any of his good faith clauses...and he sent her a ranting email apparently about not blocking his phone.

I really do hate him now. We are now in the hate zone.

So is he not signing now?

Is he mad that his conditions weren't put in? Not sure what you meant in your prior post.

She is still writing up the final document. She just didnt say anything about it yesterday when she emailed him to say she was writing up an agreement. And he sent her a ranting email.

Ugh. I gave him a phone numbef and email address today. It will really go to my IM, but I hated even giving him the impression that he has access to me. I really do hate him.

You guys are so right.

My lawyer told him that I was going to get a phone that he could call regarding my daughter only and he refused. He said he needed to reach me in "emergencies." Um, no, he doesn't. This is all a bluff though.

I told her to tell him that I am moving at the end of the month. He cannot prevent ME from doing that. If he wants to have primary physical custody of my daughter in that instance, then he is welcome to do that. He will not do that.

I broke my solid Plan B. I hate myself.

The big thing is to not beat myself up and get back on track.

Hi PW. Maybe your current budget may not allow you to afford a new cell phone, or to pay for the service.

Who knows, even if he bought one, it very well could easily get misplaced.

There is No Law that says you must ever answer a phone call or text and if it remains dead or turned off, you would not even know.

After he doesn't get through for a while and throws a hissy fit, probably to your IM, then your IM could reinforce that only pertinent portions of his communications WITH HER will ever get through to you.

Anything that does not meet your stated criteria would necessarily not fall into an Emergency Category.

Good Luck and keep his contact shut down.

LTL

I don't know why your lawyer would open her mouth and say anything vs just getting the dang signature and letting WH think whatever moronic stuff he wants to think. You don't have to respond or pick up the phone...and can still block him.

Yeah, I just need to get the hell out of here fast. I am going to just go if I have to. I seriously cannot take this and I am not interested in making this marriage work at all anymore.

Make the agreement very simple re: communication. Don't add 500 different restrictions...they will ALL be IRRELEVANT since there is no law that will MAKE you answer his phone call or email.

"BW's contact email is pigletwiglet@yahoo.com. Her phone number is 555-PIS-SOFF"

The end...that's all that needs to be said. Your IM can access the email as she normally would have. For the phone, you can just let his calls go to vm. AFTER you move, you can change your phone number or block him. There is NOTHING requiring you to take his call or read any email. You and the attorney are making this much more complicated then it has to be.

AFTER you move, your IM can give WH more specifics like the email should only be used to communicate about DD's visitation or whatever. If WH can't buy a clue and harasses you/IM then you go file harassment charges and/or get a PO. Do not delete any crazy voice mails or emails either. Let him hang himself which give you evidence for a PO and custody.

If he's not going to sign something simple, then start packing and don't have your lawyer/IM telling him over and over that you are leaving or give any details. Just go and file for legal separation in SoCal. I would look for an attorney there now so that you can file as soon as you get there. You already have WH's emails to IM/lawyer basically saying he will let you move with DD but he wants to be able to contact...that is not going to look good for him...and show he is a passive-aggressive jerk. A judge will not be amused given his cheating, living at a gym, breaking down your door, etc.

You are trying to negotiate with a crackhead. STOP!

What do you mean you broke Plan B?

I agree with tips the others have given you, give him a burner phone number and let all the calls go to voicemail. You can even have someone else mind the phone/screen the calls. An email addread ditto. It sounds like you are doing this.

So why is your Plan broken?

If you don't already have your own copy of this email, be sure to ask for one...and of all the communications with WH. The lawyer you end up using in SoCal will want to see all of this...it will show him how he acts and what to expect from WH. Don't wait to get these from your attorney. When someone is no longer a client, attorneys tend to blow a former client off and take forever to give them a copy of their file. Don't put yourself in that position.

Keep all texts and emails from WH. They can help you.

I broke Plan B by talking to him at the door. He was yelling at my mother that he was going to take my daughter if I leave and he doesn't sign the agreement.

I went out and asked him to confirm that if he wanted to keep me here, that he wanted a divorce. He said that "it isn't a trump card and that he would be overjoyed to keep DD."

Its all stupid posturing. He cannot take care of her alone. It was upsetting nonetheless. Never seeing or talking to him again cannot come too soon. I pray that he falls off the face of the earth.