A chief cause of worry and unhappiness in life is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment.

I so agree with the last one.



That applies itself so well to Dr Hs advice on being a cheerful giver don't you think?

Yes I agree

The one I posted today kind of reminds me of an A in a way.

Our happiness depends not on what happens to us, but what happens in us. In other words, it�s the way we choose to think about our lives. Abe Lincoln said, �People are generally about as happy as they�re willing to be.� A proverb tells us that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
So, what are the most common attributes of happy people? Well, it�s not money, fame, or good looks. It�s not even intelligence or talent. No, the two most important factors are gratitude and rewarding personal relationships.
The formula is simple: count your blessings and enjoy your family and friends.
Sadly, simple is not always easy.
People whose natural instincts produce a gloomy outlook and pessimism need to re-train their minds. It�s one thing to say happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you get; it�s quite another to really be satisfied with what we have.
For many people, it takes discipline and practice to think positively.
Sometimes it�s just a matter of changing ones� perspective, choosing to see and appreciate the silver lining, the half full glass. In other cases, what�s required is refusing to dwell on pain, disappointment, or envy, and instead force one�s mind toward good thoughts, including all the things for which we should be grateful.
Interestingly, the ability to maintain a positive attitude is also important in forming and sustaining meaningful relationships�seeing and bringing out the best.
. . . M. Josephson

What detrimental advice to give on a marriage board full of hurting, suffering marriages. That is about as far from what MB teaches as you can get.

Wow you really must not like me because first of all it is not advice, as you can see it has a person's name so it is a quote and secondly I don't know how you think it is about as from from MB as you can get.

I think MB tells you that you have to move forward no matter what and for say those people who did not fix their marriage but are moving forward on their own this is a very good quote for them.

Don't look at what you lost because it might not have been that good to begin with but look at what you gained, your self respect. And look at other things that you are thankful for and to help keep you going, do not dwell on the bad things. Heck that is good for anyone wanting to save their marriage as well.

The bad things happened and you have to not dwell on them, not necessarily all at one time, heck it took me about three years to feel better after my H's A but dwelling on the bad and being mad did no good for me and it will do no good for anyone else.

And it is in "other topics" as well

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

I know you don't. You have, as of yet, refused to learn what MB teaches about the giver and taker. Instead, you spend your time posting marriage-damaging advice (excuse me, I mean "quotes"), and seeking validation for your non-MB view of the giver.

I have no hope of changing your mind. I am merely pointing out to any newbie that happens across this thread that MB does not teach what you are posting, and that what you are posting is, in fact, damaging to marriages.

Not at all, in my opinion a quote is by no means advice in any way nor did I ever state that it was advice and I believe most people are smart enough to know when someone's name is at the bottom it is a quote and I think it is a DJ for you to assume that others are taking my quotes as advice



And if it so damaging to marriages why have I been married for 30 years. And I am not seeking advice any longer, I got my advice from Dr. Harley which was very much against your advice and he and I were e-mailing back and forth for a while regarding my situation.

Surely the "quote" is simply the author's advice. When he says what is written here, he is advising the general reader about how to be happy. How can the quote NOT be advice?

I agree that by your quoting it, you are not necessarily endorsing it. You are not necessarily offering it as advice you agree with. You might be offering it as advice that you disagree with. It would be helpful if you could point out the purpose of re-quoting the quote, otherwise many other people will make the same assumption that Prisca did. I certainly made that assumption.

The advice/quote is diametrically opposed to what Dr Harley advises, because Dr H does not encourage us to be happy with what we have got. He does not encourage us to appreciate the good while we put the bad out of mind. Trying to do that is what leads to long-term unhappiness, withdrawal as a state of mind, and sometimes, affairs. The problem is that we cannot ignore, or change, or reconfigure our emotional needs. The needs that we have, that make us feel love for our spouses when they are met, just are.

If a wife focuses on, for example, the fact that her husband is a good father and a good provider, while trying to suppress her unhappiness that he is not affectionate and does not talk much and prefers to stay at home watching TV to going out on dates, she is likely to end up feeling very lonely and unhappy. She might never have an affair (please God), but she might well find herself living with low-grade depression and eventually just giving up on the marriage. Her emotional needs will not go away just by focusing on other things, and that isn't what MB requires us to do - not in the least.

Instead, MB encourages us to communicate our needs, and to complain when needs are not met, or LBs are present. If the issue is not dealt with satisfactorily, Dr Harley encourages us to keep it on the front burner, to brainstorm with abandon and not keep going until mutually satisfying solutions are found.

That advice/quote says the polar opposite of what Dr Harley suggests, and as with many quotes on this thread, I don't understand why you are posting them here. If you don't want to encourage a discussion of the points, why are you posting them?

I know.

However, if you continue to post non-MB QUOTES on this thread, I will continue to point them out as such. My posts on this thread are not for you.

Perhaps you should start a blog for your QUOTES, if you do not want them questioned or debated.

The thread is entitled "motherly advice", after all.

It's common sense. It's not my fault if you have none of that.

Whatever the case, I don't care if you see it as a DJ. I'm not trying in the least bit to fill your lovebank. My goal here is to protect newbies in hurting marriages -- if that hurts your feelings, so be it. If you got a problem with that, contact the mods.

This is not a platform for blogging. Since there is not a question being asked of posters, we are going to lock this thread. Thank you.