Someone must have told the OM or my wife about the site, or maybe they called him at work idk. She texted me the link to his post and said "You did this"

I said, "yes, I would like him to leave our marriage"

about an hour later this was the reply:

"From now on don't talk to me about anything other than the kids I'm done with you I will enforce the court order if need be regardless of the situation and my decision I have chosen to move on from you."

I did not reply

Just another form of exposure anger, I would guess. Just another excuse for her to do what she wants. You came here for help saving your marriage and this site will help you do that in way that recovery would be very pleasing to your wife (if she actually came out of the fog and did the work) and you would have a happy marriage. There maybe details here she doesn't like being shared (again, exposure), but there is no way you can solve your problems without full honesty and disclosure.

She should (but won't right now) commend you for asking for help saving your marriage and how to change to be the man you need to be for her. I wouldn't change your approach from what you've been doing.

I agree with you 100%. I understand she is mad, she has been hostile through this entire ordeal (save for that two weeks from the trip to the break up- ish). One thing I learned from her during the time we have been together - it infuriates her when I will not argue with her, and she hates when I do not get mad at her.

I know she is mad, and I am ok with it, but I have to back off a bit as there is a court order and that can be a lot of damage. I do not want to give up, and have no plan to. But the consistent anger and rejection from her is difficult to stomach. Especially after that hopeful day where I thought she might have began ending it.

Starting the 19th, she will have 2 weeks off of work, and in January OM is supposed to be there less or not at all - i guess he'll be travelling to other stores or something . i dont know the details. maybe the lack of presence will hit her again.

I think life needs to drop her on her [censored] a bit, and he needs to seriously mess up.

lol the Censor, that's funny.

I know the feeling well. I was quite hopeful this past Saturday when she said that she realized he was bad for her, that even if we get a divorce and she finds someone else, they won't put up with her friendship with him, that he won't give her all of what she needs, that he was very hurtful and abusive to her (doing the things she said I'd done, only many, many times worse), that he was toxic to her life and health, that she was being harassed. No such fortune.

She's afraid of blackmail and further exposure by him and possible other things he might do, though she stopped short of saying he'd do something physical, but that she was very afraid. She hopes that if she strings him along with annoyingly little contact, he'll decide to end it and she'll avoid blowback. I don't see that happening, he's holding on tight to this relationship and he'll just continue to bother and harass her, disrespect her opinion, and make her life miserable. He doesn't think he's done anything wrong in this whole thing: not the affair (which isn't to him), not the abuse to his "best friend", none of it. It's all justified.

I don't doubt he might try something physical given his police record which my grandma said was quite long (the police ran his name and number as part of their investigation and passed on this information to her). I know he's been arrested for numerous bar fights among other things. I don't care at this point, she needs to end it quickly as the best thing for her, full consequences notwithstanding. She made her bed, so to speak, and should deal with the consequences quickly so that her healing can start.

I feel for you. I can see where your hope lies. I will pray for you and her. It is hard to understand how the justifications can make so much sense to them.

My daughter told me the other day, that she prayed that her boyfriend would break her heart so I could come back home. And just as I thought it was happening, he sucked her right back in.

I am staying afloat, but I can feel a tug at my feet. This has got to be the worst pain I have ever endured. But I will endure, because I have faith that some day she is going to look at me and say "You never gave up". I'll reply, "You have no idea". Regardless of our outcome.

My big hope right now is twofold: I cause enough problems for him mostly just by being by my wife's side constantly while not antagonizing the WW and pushing her away that he decides it's not worth it or MIL enforces a No Contact Order and other measures of no contact as a condition for her moving there and she does it, OR she doesn't do it, and we're back in the situation where she's at home and POSOM is angry and abusive again, driving the equation for her that doing nothing is more painful than actually ending contact.

I wish you the best.

My WW absolutely hates my cheaterville post about her OM. She usually cites it as the biggest reason she will never even consider recovering our marriage. She has asked me to take it down countless times. She tells me that her A is over and she still demands I take it down. I just try not to talk about it and tell her that it doesn't matter. The truth is her problem, not that its on the internet.

Yes, Cheaterville is extremely effective and my wife is the same way about her OM.

Cheaterville has extremely good SEO so if you Google OM's name, his Cheaterville post is probably the number 1 result for him, if not in the top 5 or 10.

Not the sort of attention you want when you're applying for a job, for example.

My WW made a stupid move and posted her own name on her OM's cheaterville site. Now she blames me for it coming up when she googles her name.

Wayward fogged out stupidity. Haha!

"My wife is having an affair" . . .I still cannot say it without thinking . . wow wtf....

Ditto.

me: Please tell our children I love them.

her: are you going to see them winter break?

me: of course..

her: ok

me: have a good day wife

her: will you stop doing that

me: what?

her: calling me wife

me: but you are my wife


no reply

I have had a few of these conversations with my WW.

do you have any good shares or suggestions on the best ways to handle them ?

Did I do ok?

if she asks you to stop doing that, then STOP DOING THAT.

in Plan A, do nothing that withdraws love bank units. Do anything that she will allow that will deposit love bank units. That should be your mantra.

She has told you that she does not want you calling her "wife". That means that doing so withdraws LB units. Stop doing it.

And don't give her smart-arsed answers next time. If you want to do this thing, do it properly. If you don't want to do exactly as Dr H prescribes, that's fine - but why post here on MB, showing that you are perplexed at her response to being ticked off?

Both of you: stop having them! The first time she says "don't do that" should be the last time you ever "do that".

No, you absolutely did not. She was silent, but in her head she was saying "not for long".

Sorry, face1, I find that absolutely hilarious, and I could use a good laugh today.

Yeah, me and all her and my families.

She even tries to blame me for hurting her chances of getting another job because an employer might Google her. Funny how that's my fault.

I should ask her if she considered that her fraudulent protection order against me could hurt my future employment. I won't ask her that though.