And I am still getting Access Denied on the Carrot and Stick of Plan A page.

Trying to understand the mind of a wayward will drive you insane. There is no logic to their thinking.

Here is what you need:

Plan A in a nutshell
1. Complain about the affair, often
2. Demonstrate willingness and ability to meet emotional needs
3. DO NOT FIGHT

Billman12, I have/had a huge problem with DJs. I spent many hours last week reading and listening and taking notes and rewriting notes over and over from the DJ chapter in Love Busters. I will not say I've mastered Respect and disrespect yet, but I know my effort is paying off. I'm not done, it will be something I review EVERY week of my future life.

Paying off to the point my WW mentioned multiple times I wasn't the BH she knew and it was clear she was referring to my respecting her opinion. Also, I find I can recognize DJs much, much easier when others say them. I've had to council my grandma not to say certain things that were DJs, and I'm recognizing them now. This experience was humbling to me, and being willing to be wrong and not so certain you are right is critical.

You can learn to be much more disrespectful and eliminate almost all DJS , if persistent and motivated in less than a week. My method worked for me, find a method that works for you. I respectfully suggest you do it now and don't wait another day to start.

I've found it very liberating. I no longer get very frustrated when people don't do what I want them to, I instead think I could persuade them instead of demanding or insulting them. It's nice.

Does complaining about the affair make LB withdrawals? Or is it a manner of wording.

And thank you @pm18, that was extraordinarily helpful. I did read the chapter in LB, but that was inspiring. Reading old texts to my wife, I found many of those that I would never have thought were bad.

Should be ^, darn smart phone inserted a dis in front of respectful in one [bad] place.

It's how you word it. Joyce Harley said it well in Axe's show. Always keep the finger ppointing at you, not her. Tell her how much you and family are hurting, but don't blame her for anything. As Dr. Harley says, don't count on an apology, we just want the affair to end. You can bug her everydau, but avoid demands, DJs, and AOs.

Do you have the book Love Busters?

Thank you billman21, I did work hard last week. When I first started, I was wondering how I would recognize DJ, but Dr. Harley wrote that chapter well, and intensive study helped and they've become much easier to recognize.

I know what you mean. I think back on conversations of the years with WW, and I realize how disrespectful I was. Others may have another opinion, and certainly other problems, but that chapter was the lynch pin chapter of the whole Love Busters book for me. If you are and can be respectful and use respectful persuasion, then it's REALLY hard to make selfish demands and have angry outbursts. I've found focusing on avoiding being disrespectful goes a long, long way to preventing getting angry.

Yes @BrainHurts, I do have the book. After @pm18's reply last night I read the chapter again.

I also want to add, it's not just learning to be disrespectful, but it's necessary to learn to be respectful. It's much harder to do the other three love busters, dishonesty, independent behavior, and be unwilling to change annoying habits if you truly respect your spouses opinion and feelings, for then you understand the impact of that behavior and if you feel love and kindness, you won't want to do those behaviors.

Excellent observation. That really rings true to me.

My wife told me she noticed the changes in me, and still chooses the other man. It is not easy to keep going. I can understand where some of the things I say may put her off.

But Just before she changed her mind and decided to stay with the other man, she told me straight up, if it were not for him we would have been back together but nothing would have been fixed.

I hold that dearly since she said it. Than she changed her mind. I cannot understand for the life of me why. She was so close, but since they work together... I wish I understood what happened better. She was so close.

I don't remember, their place of work doesn't have a problem with what's going on?

I did not get a response from the emails, and have not yet received anything from the letters I sent on Thursday.

I am sure that what happened is that she saw him and he talked to her and told her more bull that she fell for. The change was remarkably dramatic.

Her texts to me that day:

me 1105am: The pain will be great, be strong and avoid him any way you can. It will come and go.

her 1106am: Obviously it won't be over in a day

me 1106am: Indeed. Enjoy the calm when you get it. Smile a pretty smile. Live the moment happy.

her 1108am: Yeah didn't last seeing him hurts

me 1108am: Do your best to not look at him.

her 1243pm: I'm dropping the kids to you after work I have something i need to do.


We talked on the phone between the last 2 texts there. The plan was for her to get out of work go home and my mom was going to watch them and I was going to help her clean the house.

The thing she needed to do is meet him and he said whatever she needed to hear, cuz she was all "i love him" again.

She's in an active affair.
Why did you tell her "not to look at him?"
Why is she seeing him? At work?
I told you that the 30 day window did not include contact. That is only applicable if they work in like separate departments. Dr. Harley doesn't want them seeing each other for 30 days.

Go to Playerblock and post his name, cell phone number and store number on there. They do not filter like Cheaterville does. He will start getting phone calls from strangers demanding he end the affair.

She said she wanted to end it with him on her own. She said he was lying to her and she did not trust him. She was serious, and then just changed her mind. She was Right there - I had suggested she needed to quit working there. I said not to look at him because she actually asked me to help her end it. I thought I was starting to help her start NC, I even said it would be near impossible if she did not quit working there - then she caved.

Sadly I do not have his phone number.

That's great. I didn't even know about Playerblock until my WW accused me of posting her OM on there. I wish I'd known I could post his phone number on there earlier. I just did it after reading your post. Good stuff.

Is there a "brazen hussy" block too. There needs to be.

Yes! There is and Dr. Harley discussed it on his radio show!
It is www.shesahomewrecker.com