|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
Ok. He said he wants to take the kids out of state to visit his family the 17th through the 24th. I said that is too long for my 4 yo to be away from me, and offered the 20-24th. He responded that is too short of a trip. My IM said let me know if you change your mind.
Today, he texted our son asking if he wanted to go to the event he had scheduled on the 17th or if he wants to skip it and get on the road to visit his family. My son responded that he didn't know they were going. That just happened - no response yet.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
I'm at a loss - did he reallyvthink he would just pick the kids up as scheduled tomorrow evening with one change of clothes and take off for 8 days out of state, or did he really think I understood that when he rejected my suggestion of a shorter trip that meant he was going to take the whole time?
I am thinking I'll have my IM tell him we must have had some miscommunication, the trip he proposed is too long, so if he is taking them on the 17th, when is he bringing them back?
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Jk, don't allow your son to take on the role of intermediary. He shouldn't be put in the middle and takes all control out of the IM's hands. It's also too big of a responsibility for a kid. If it is not discussed and negotiated through the IM, you ignore it.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
I don't know what to do about it. He texted his son a question, son responded. He didn't ask him to tell me anything.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
So, should I not bring it up through my IM now?
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
hugs to you JW--
It is so hard to stay dark and do this if the WH stays connected to the kids or uses the kids to get to you (my case). If they are constantly changing schedule, asking questions, etc. It is extremely challenging.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
Thanks piglet. It is really hard. It's like starting over again.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Make sure that your son understands the IM's role and that any future requests has to be done through her. He should also tells his Dad that next time Dad puts him on the spot.
It is hard. And especially hard with kids.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
So, he should tell his dad that since he didn't know they were going, dad should contact me about it through IM?
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
So, he should tell his dad that since he didn't know they were going, dad should contact me about it through IM? Right. Just tell your son to tell his dad he needs to get ahold of his aunt if he wants to tell you something. Stand your ground about the trip. You offered him the 20-24th and that is MORE than enough time for small children to be away from their mother. He has to get used to a new world.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
So, the thing is that I don't have any right to keep him from taking the kids. I don't know how to stand my ground. He can pick them up for their regular overnight tomorrow, and just not bring them home.
When my son got home from scout dinner with his dad, he said his dad though I just hadn't talked to him about going.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
To clarify, son said "I didn't know we were going". Dad said "I didn't know if your mom had told you about the trip yet."
So he really thought I knew about this? Do I ask my son to tell dad I don't think they're going and he needs to contact IM about it?
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
To clarify, son said "I didn't know we were going". Dad said "I didn't know if your mom had told you about the trip yet."
So he really thought I knew about this? Do I ask my son to tell dad I don't think they're going and he needs to contact IM about it? That sounds like a good idea.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
Apparently I didn't get the whole story from my son. After their conversation, his dad told him he'd talk to me about it. So I'm waiting.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
So, my dad is advising me to just let him take the kids tomorrow. He said the reasons are 1)it takes the wind out of WHs sails - nothing to fight about. He can't come back and say I won't let him see his kids when he wants and 2)the 4yo will give him a hard time and he will just have to deal.
I don't know what to do. Honestly, this jut feels like one more cruel thing he's doing to me by taking the children for so long right before Christmas. I think if I let them go, they will probably be fine (except for the 4yo will want me) but will that send the message that he can walk all over me, or is it a message that I am not keeping his kids from him?
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 316 |
I too, am interested in what the more experience posters with kids say about this.
It seems really unfair for you to give up the entire holidays with your kids just to keep the peace.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
I too, am interested in what the more experience posters with kids say about this.
It seems really unfair for you to give up the entire holidays with your kids just to keep the peace. Well, we homeschool (for now) so it's not as if he wants their entire school break.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 148
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 148 |
I too, am interested in what the more experience posters with kids say about this.
It seems really unfair for you to give up the entire holidays with your kids just to keep the peace. Well, we homeschool (for now) so it's not as if he wants their entire school break. You are getting them back on Christmas eve, right? I can imagine how difficult it is. I've never been away from my kids, more than 2 days (and that was when I had the baby,LOL) not sure I'd handle it too well, if they were gone that long. I'd say ask that the kids are back with you on the 23rd? Does your DD want to go at all?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 316 |
edited
Last edited by luna_alpha; 12/16/14 03:40 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595 |
DD says she is not going. No way. I had my IM tell him that we have apparently had a miscommunication and ask him what his plan is for bringing them home, if he wants to take them tomorrow.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
279
guests, and
71
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
