I would just move, as Black Raven suggested.
People move all the time for work and housing.

I do not think that is correct. Form FL- 100 addresses property and custody. Any other required attachments are still part of the Petition. I doubt a judge is going to order DD to go back and live in a gym or at a friend's house. They will look at stability. Your WH has none.

You are being melodramatic, PW.

That's true. That was quite melodramatic.

I wrote lawyer about moving, filing for separation and custody. At this point, I need to move anyway, so I have backed myself into a corner.

I am really worried about what he will try to do with my kid. But you all are right. He never had any intention of letting us leave. My lawyer totally doesn't get that. She is just trying to avoid court.

The form does deal with property and custody, but a judge in OC still might order her back to Alameda. I am not sure what the chances of that are though.

In the meantime, you would be with your family. Courts are slow in CA.

Ok, leaving. If I NEED to come back, I have a friend I can live with at greatly reduced rent.

Praise God!

Being in Plan B and getting reality checked by you guys (and having REALLY great friends) makes all of this easier.

I'm trying people. Extricating myself from this terrible nightmare. Walking right back into a better life.

So when are you moving?

Next Sunday.

I can't stay here no matter what. Having a back up plan in case I need to come back has greatly decreased the anxiety.

The absolute worst case scenario is that my daughter is ordered to come back and I live with my good friend in her nice house, file for divorce and an official move away order. I would get child and spousal support to help financially while I look odd a job and stay in plan B.

Piglet....I am from Alameda.

Anyway, the worst case scenario IS no worse than what you are currently living.

I know, it's just anxiety inducing and feels so unstable with a little one.

The funny thing is one of my strongest emotional needs is security and financial commitment, the two things along with honesty that my husband is not providing.

Great!

It felt terrifying without a little one. I can only imagine what you are dealing with. For me (and hopefully for you) it felt the scariest right before taking action but the end result was much better than I had imagined.

You are rocking this Art of War style.

"The general who wins the battle makes many calculations in his temple before the battle is fought. The general who loses makes but few calculations beforehand"

Thank you. It doesn't feel that way, but thanks.

My anxiety has turned into a strange type of listlessness, but I am pushing myself to keep packing, etc. Its the first time in a long time we won't have a house together. I am not sure how my daughter will take that.

Anyway, I feel emotionally mixed, as is to be expected. I'm out of my own fog well enough to know that moving and/or divorce is my only course of action. Lately, I have been alternatively anxious and listless like I said given the legal issues and moving.

I try to examine my own feelings towards him and I know very well that I am not in love with him any longer. I don't feel rage anymore (which is a result of Plan B, I know), just a sadness that lingers at knowing that he is choosing everyday to do wrong by me and my kid. I am trying not to make decisions led by my emotions at all, but it's difficult sometimes. I am still on a bit of a roller coaster, but I am trying to get off as soon as possible.

It's hard. The end of my marriage. My lay off. Moving. Any single one of these events is very difficult, but I am doing OK considering and getting a lot if care and prayer from those around me.

I told my mom today, "my marriage was good until it wasn't." There was a lot of love and care there until about 3 months before I figured out that his friendship had turned into an emotional affair. He had put up a huge wall with me and opened a door to her. I don't think I was meeting his emotional needs at the time, but I don't think he ever gave me a chance to. I became increasingly angry and was probably difficult to live with during this time. This wasn't good and only contributed to his rationale that his affair was a good idea. But I also know that his decision to open himself to her and close himself to me basically made it impossible for our marriage to be good.

Try not to look back over the marital high/low lights. You had no input into the decision to have an affair. You could have been having the happiest marriage possible - the affair still would have happened because he has no boundaries.

We see many happy marriages fall victim to the lure of impossible fantasy.

You meeting needs may have kept away an affair for a bit - but it would only have been temporary. If you got sick, or old, or unable to meet his needs, he would have reverted to type.

So it's not something to turn over in your mind. I know it's hard to keep your mind in the future, but you won't find anything in the past that you could have done to change the deeds of others.

One question--Dr. Harley has a good article on why women leave men. Does he have any articles on why men leave women? I'd be interested.

I am 100% convinced that my husband would not have left but for his affair. We were going through a rough patch, but I think we would have come out of it fine if he didn't have an affair. We were going through some financial hardships, but things were getting better and I was looking for childcare options to spend more UA time together when everything exploded.

You've answered your own question! He left for his affair.

Genuine separations are overwhelmingly instigated by women, not men: hence the article.

Men can go much longer without UA, needs - even where there is blatant abuse, as we see with men who Plan A. Women reach a point where they must leave even when they are married to fairly nice guys.