I just wanted to give a update:

I left last Sunday with my daughter. My dad and his girlfriend helped me move down and get the furniture put in storage (I took everything but his personal belongings). He has not signed the post-nup (which says I have a legal right to take my daughter, settles our property and ends our community property), but I have little fear anymore of him trying to get us back. That would require too much effort and he knows I would file in Alameda right away in order to get support. I will file at the end of March to meet the residency requirement here. Then it's probably not until the end is 2015 that it would be final, but during this new year, I'm going to focus on God and church, getting a job, finding things to do with my friends and kid.

Christmas was good. We went to my friend's family celebration on Christmas Eve (we have known each other since kindergarten) and then my dad and daughter and I opened presents on Christmas Day. His girlfriend invited us over for Christmas dinner later that day.

It was my first Christmas not being with my husband's family since 2006. It felt good to be home though and open presents with my daughter in the same spot I used to when I was little.

Glad you got back home for the holidays.

Home in the Bay Area for the holidays. There's no place like home.

Happy New Year, and take heart. 2015 will be a lot better than 2014!

So, some advice:

I am fully moved with no intention of going back. WH has still not signed our post-nup allowing me to move and officially ending our community property. My lawyer is asking what we should do.

My feeling is that we shouldn't do anything. I think WH doesn't want to sign so he has something to hold over my head. What he doesn't understand is that once I am here for three months and he hasn't protested his daughter being away, then we establish residency here and it would be very hard for him to get a judge to send her back.

If he wants to call her back, I could simply refuse to go (he can't bring me back, only her). And he can't/won't take care of her. That would require a herculean effort given his work schedule and being a wayward...I can 100% guarantee that he won't do it and won't be able to afford it.

Any thoughts? My feeling is to just sit tight and wait the three months and then just file for divorce and custody.

My daughter is doing really well here with all the friends and family around. I cannot imagine taking her back to that unhappy situation.

Oh and here is the OW cheater ID on cheaterville: 34780

It's pretty late, but I didn't figure out where it was until recently.

Wow, you'd think with cheaterville she'd at least make her profile private.

I'm not an expert for sure, but it seems sitting tight and not kicking the hornets nest so your clock can run is the best move. Three months will fly by.

What's up with her eyebrows lol

Yeah, those are some manbrows.

Wow,she must of reopened it. Last time I looked at FB, she had closed it. That's why I think she is a sociopath. She DOES.NOT.CARE. that people know she's a homewrecker. She made her instagram private because someone hashtagged it with #iliketodatemarriedmen. LOL.

Yep, I think waiting it out is prudent. He won't do anything. That would require effort and responsibility.

That's actually a good photo of her. She's a weird looking woman. Apparently her FB is open, so you can see for yourself. LOL.

It is extremely common for the BS to be a much more physically attractive person that the AP. It is a demonstration of the power of the love bank to distort perceptions. It might also be a result of the fact that affairs are conducted in secret. The WS doesn't get the critique of their peers over their bad taste in their choices.

She looks like a klingon to me LOL

Other pics of her on other sites...she looks like a trashy skank.

Oof

Yeah, she is a trashy skank and you should get a gander at her tumblr site. UGH....such ridiculous rantings.

And not to toot my own horn, but I am much more attractive.

She also spells her name ridiculously.

When I first met her before the affair, I commented to WH, "Why does she spell her name that way? And what's with her crazy eyebrows?" LOL.

It was certainly the case in my situation.


Seriously, for a man with high PA needs he picked a hog for a mistress.

I'm also friends with a few MB BWs on Facebook and they all look like freaking supermodels.

A quick Plan B question--

I moved 500 miles away and left WH behind (yeay me!).

He has three skype calls with DD (almost three) per week. On she takes these calls on my phone or on the computer. I try to leave the room when she is on the phone and put on headphones. However, she is three, so she screws up the computer or makes her way out of her room and comes over to me with the phone or whatever. I know WH eats this up because its an opportunity to see me (even if it is just a brief glance--and I try to stay out of the frame with my headphones on).

He has also taken to writing me notes on skype messenger. He was apparently annoyed that DD didn't say goodbye to him (what he was really annoyed at is that I didn't chase her around and make her say goodbye to him).

Any thoughts on this so I don't have to see him or listen to him or see is messages at all? Is there any other program I can use? I don't want to use facetime because then he would know my number. I have blocked him on Skype so he can't message me and will just unblock it when it is time for her to chat. I will also only use the computer, so she can't bring the phone over to me. Any other thoughts on how to stay in the deepest, darkest plan B known to mankind?

There is no computer app that a three year old can use without help.

Get brand new a VoIP number, put it onto an ATA and plug that into your router. Give her a wired not wireless phone so that she cannot wander off to find you with it. Give IM the number and tell him to call her on that. Phone Power has a pretty good service for less than $10 a month and you can choose a local number.

I haven't used the video part but
Google Voice has the capability to do it.

You can also set up a free phone number to do all kinds of things with it (it can take calls on a landline, cell phone. It can call out on a laptop. It takes voice messages that you can delete without listening to, etc)

You could have it do all kinds of useful things while providing your daughter access to her father but keeping your contact info private.

So, I figured out what works well. Skype has a feature that allows you to block someone without deleting them. So I can block him up until 2 mins before the call and he can't send me messages on off times. In terms of my daughter wandering about, the best thing to do is to strap her into her booster with some toys and a snack in front of the lap top so she can't really move about . Then they use the toys to play pretend on skype. I can then put my headphones on and just watch her from the living room to make sure she doesn't fall out of her chair. Problem solved!

I had one question involving waywards and divorce. It seems like some waywards (mostly women) want to push a divorce forward quickly in order to continue their affairs. But some don't want to divorce (like my WH) or at least will not be proactive in that endeavor. He won't do anything--including not signing a post nup that would protect his business in the case of a divorce. I do not get it. He doff by want to behave like my husband...but also doesn't doesn't want to get a divorce. It'd like I have to force a divorce to make him realize that what he had done is indeed divorce-worthy.

Men are more comfortable loving more than one person. When wayward this makes them disinclined to lose their back burner option. Men in general are less likely to quit even when genuinely unhappy.

You Will have to force a divorce. I did.