Outstanding!

Remember that if anything put her name in the mud it is her own actions and not the fact that people found out about them.

I think SAA is best read cover to cover. Make notes for anything you will want to revisit often.

I bet you will find that a lot if things in the book sound familiar.

The no contact threats are common. It could go either way from what I've seen. My WW says that she will go NC about once a week and then she calls me. Axslinger's WW went off the radar NC with him. Either way, do not give in to a terrorist demand. It only empowers them to use those tactics against you.

If you can contact OM's parents that may be an incredible source of assistance.

If Jedi Knight were posting to your thread yet I am sure that he would recommend creating a post on cheaterville.com about OM. APs(Affair Partners) HATE the internet exposure.

I had a listen, difference here is she has moved out and I am no longer financially supporting her. I got her to move out because she was driving me crazy. How can I now Plan A? I cannot meet her emotional needs if shes away..

We are UK based, I found this site on google, didnt know it was a radio show ;-)

I will look at cheaterville.com

I messaged OMs father, his mum is terminal with cancer, I know this as OM is brother of my wifes friend. I have known about her mum for some time. I dont want to make that call, she has enough problems.

Don't worry, you couldn't meet her EN's even if she were home because her love bank is closed to you. But what you CAN DO is sit back and look for opportunities to present yourself as the most attractive choice. You can avoid love busters AT ALL COSTS [that means no lecturing her!!] and look for opportunities to make yourself look like the better man.

The OM is a selfish dirtbag and this will start coming out now that reality is intruding in the affair. By exposing it, you have caused great conflict in the affair. Exposure ruins affairs.

Did you see my post about contracting the OM's parents? NOW is a great time to call them because they will be getting together for the holidays. If he tries to take your WW to his parents home, they might not allow it. And even if they DO allow it, she knows they will be looking at her like "wwwwwwwww."

Where did she meet this dirtbag? Do they work together?

Can you call his father and ask for his help? Ask him to speak to his son and ask him to leave your wife alone.

They met through her friend. Hes her friends brother.
I am reluctant to call his dad due to his wife being terminal with cancer.

I did message him the letter, but not sure a call is right. I know his brother in law better, could call him but not sure he will want involved. kind of a laid back guy who wont want trouble

You haven't caused the problem of the affair. OM has. He should have been thinking of the consequences. It isn't your responsibility to protect other people from OM's actions.

My WW told me all her friends assured her I was acting insane and she should be afraid of me. She also accused me of harassing her AP. It's all part of the script.

I messaged OMs sister, as she knows me. Shes known us as a family for a few years. I asked that she does not make it easy and condone the affair as I need to try and save our marriage.

Not sure I can really do this for year(s). There must come a point where she is lost. If after a few months the affair is rampant, surely she has chose.

I cant feel like this for years, I would be better just moving on and trying to be a good dad for my boys.

For now, Its full steam ahead, but I think I need a line in the sand somewhere

Most affairs end within 6 months of exposure. Wait it out for 6 months for now and then reevaluate.

The general baseline for men on Plan A is 6 months. Do whatever you are comfortable with, not really a "wrong" answer on how long to Plan A.

Dr.Harley does point out that the best situation for children is to be on a family with two parents that have strong romantic love for each other. It is in the best interest of your kids to recover your marriage. Like you said though, at some point it may be lost.

Some hopeful statistics I have seen are that 3-5% of affairs end in marriage and add to that around 75% of second marriages fail. The outlook for APs is not very good. I also saw someone (nmwb maybe) post that they had read a statistic claiming that 90% of wayward spouses attempt to reconcile the marriage they walked away from within 2 years. Not that you would be obliged to take her back after too long of a time and too much damage by her. But it's something to think about.

I would not cite these statistics to your WW. They are a form of logic and she has no interest in facts while she is in the fog.

Yeah, it may be after a few months I need to think of me and being strong for the boys rather than hanging around while she has her relationship. 2 years is not an affair, its a full relationship really.

I would be daft to sit on the sideline waiting for that long. I am thinking a few months at present, in meantime I need to work on me too and get myself happy/strong. I lost a ton of weight this month

I have a son with a disability as well. Stability is important. If you come to the decision that WW will never be stable in the long term, attempting recovery may not be in your child's best interest.

It was pointed out to my on this forum that a divorced man with a disabled child stands a far better chance of finding a loving marriage with a new woman than a woman in the same situation does. Far more women are willing to take on the responsibility of a special needs child than men.

Keep your head up, don't forget that part of plan A is taking care of yourself. You will come through this terrible situation as a better person for your efforts while WW will be building a life based on deceit. It's awful to watch the woman you love(d) go down that path but in the end, you can only control you.

The betrayed spouse diet! I lost 30 pounds in about 2 weeks. I didn't think I had 30 pounds to lose.

I wish I could get my WW to read this book! The sue, jon and greg relationship is EXACTLY what were going through. Its like its quoting my wife!

It's incredible how the story that plays out is so typical. I felt the exact same way when I read SAA. Dr.Harley knows exactly what he's talking about.

If your wife wasn't in the fog she would understand the book just like you do. She would be able to see exactly what has happened. Sadly, logic, and reality for that matter, have very little influence on a fogged out wayward. I would not give her any info about the book or the MB website specifically. SAA is your game plan against the affair and you cannot afford to give it to the enemy.

I may have posted this to you before but you should also read "Love Busters". It will be extremely helpful in your current situation and in the future regardless of what WW ends up doing. SAA is definitely the first book you should soak up though.

BBH, it is entirely up to you how long you wait this out. A good guide is your own mental and physical health. When you start having health problems it is time to go into a dark Plan B. We will help you do that when you are ready.

As we have separated, albeit only 1 month from when i found out about the affair. Isn't that the start of plan b

The day i found out I told her parents and friends. But today, exposed to extended family and other mans family.

I have told her I want to fix it, but tbh she will think im rambling after all the ups and downs over the last month.

She now lives about a 5 minute drive away, thats separation, so should I be going direct to B?