But you can tell him what you do know.

I wont do it just now while upset/angry and posting that other thing to his wife! It is something I will think on though. I really done want to alienate a bunch of mutual friends by coming across as a [censored] due to my situation.

This is perfect. You should follow ML's advice and send this to her.

Yeah i did send that over fb

Good job.

I reckon everyone will think I'm deluded. WW and OM no doubt have a laugh at these messages

She's so caught up with this guy it feels hopeless, I keep asking after months of this, how can i have her back knowing I'm the fallback guy...

Our life is made harder by my autistic son, today he did the toilet in his brothers potty. This is a Huge deal as we have major toilet problems with him. I sent a short message saying he was proud of himself, no reply.

I'm thinking this whole thing is an escape from realities of our children. She has barely spent any time with them and is adopting a party lifestyle like a 20 year old. When she does see kids for a short time. She's shouting and impatient with them.

Is sending her info about kids progress a lb in her state of mind? It's like a midlife crisis and she just wants fun fun fun without realities of our family

It has occurred to me that my family and it's challenges cannot compete with exciting passionate sex sessions and this new party lifestyle

In thinking love bank deposits will need to just come naturally when dropping off kids etc by not doing love busters.

My youngest asked if mummy would come with us to softplay so I offered.

" I have them 4 nights and will have no help, so no thanks!!" was reply.

She's barely seen them over last month as keeps dumping them on her parents or me. Starting to think of I have to see her more than minimum in going to hate her guts and not want to fix this. Her attitude towards family is disgusting

I give up.
Exposing had opposite effect
She added him on Facebook and publicly set themselves to "in a relationship". She also added his parents as friends

Hope she [censored] burns

Today it sucks to be you. Though who knows where you will be tomorrow.

Another fact is that exposure does not work in twenty-four hours. Some exposure facts. Exposure is not a silver bullet. Though it is the closest thing out there. Exposure works most of the time. Though it does not work 100% of the time. However in the Affair Arsenal there is not any other weapon as effective as exposure. Some WW's are walk away wives that are never coming back. Thing is the BH never can tell which kind of WW he has.

Dr Harley originally said BW's and BH's should plan A for six months. He has now realized that women for the most part can only handle the stress of plan A'ing for two to three weeks. However when most men are asked to do six months and the response is we got it done for it's time to man up and get into the trenches, hold the line. This is war. A few BH's plan A up to 2 years. Then at that point they go plan B, NC/no contact with their WW.

Does plan a simply means put up with her �hit until it falls apart and she comes to her plan b, me?

You need to document everything as it relates to the time she leaves the kids with you or parents and her attitude/behavior towards the kids.
This is for them, you need to be the rock for them. You may well get full custody from this alien, depending on your jurisdiciton.

Be strong, only you can tell when you have had enough.

I would try to get the kids whenever she dumps them off with someone else.

You should get a lawyer for yourself for first right of refusal if she is not actually going to spend time with the kids.

LTL

Yes make sure you're documenting everything.
DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

Plan A means you to try to woo her back as long as you can take it. But this is entirely up to you. You can decide at any point to end this. If you start experiencing physical and emotional problems due to her affair, then you would go into a dark Plan B with no contact.

Additionally, I would file for divorce/separation [depending on your state] and get full custody of these kids while she is so distracted. Get a legal custody agreement so your kids are protected.

I love my family to bits and would do anything for them. Right now though. She has torn my heart and soul apart and continues to do so. I had long conversations with OMs BS today.

Showed her proof he has had lots of affairs, she wasnt aware of any others.

My WW did that FB thing which I think is a reaction to me sayng i want us to work on marriage or exposure.

I learnt today they had an EA for about a year, apparently there has been kissing but not sex. Might have been PA too but no evidence. OM has told his BS that he and my WW were always goign to end up together, aparently its been planned over that year.

Just hacked off today. Wooing her doesnt feel right. Not doing LBs, fine! Being me in front of her, with kids or whatever, fine! but actively wooing her? Not sure i can do that.

I already have a lawyer bloody expensive! charged me �2000 for 2hrs advice and a letter with official separation doc. WW has not yet signed it and I havent persued. That was a knee-jerk reaction after DDay.

actually, im going to share a small extract here of their private conversation. None of the sexual stuff though. Just her asking about his past cheating and his reaction. Shows him being a smarmy [censored], but makes me again question if this is just fog.

names removed to protect the guilty. WW (my wife), OM(Other man), BS (OMs Wife)





7 Dec 08:41 - WW: Also something you mentioned last night.

I guess I just need reassurance that you feel differently about me than the other people you've been involved with when in a relationship. I don't care who it was or how many times. I just need to know if it's something you feel you can stop yourself doing when we're together.

Please don't get mad at me OM, everyone's allowed their worries, and I'd rather tell you mine.

XxxxxxxxxxX
7 Dec 08:50 - OM: I'm not mad at you WW. You have every right to be concerned and it's good that you have brought it up instead of bottling it up.

What the hell did I say to you at Haymarket that makes you feel this way?

I am ashamed of my past encounters but only ever want one woman in my life now. You have touched me like no other and I never want it to end.
Sorry for putting you through this.

I have been a fool in the past. You have changed me WW.

I love you so much WW. I never want to be without you.

XxxxxxxxxxxxX
7 Dec 09:03 - WW: It was something and nothing about nights you'd had with other women while with BS. It's obviously a worry. I was left wondering how many times had you done this, and was this any different, or was it just one of many. Last night you mentioned BS knowing you kissed someone.

Listen OM, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I just need a bit of reassurance you feel the same. It's not something I'll bring up again, like I've said, you've not done anything to me to make me doubt you.

I really love you with all my heart OM.

XxxxxxxxxxX
7 Dec 09:04 - WW: Was I one of many I meant xx
7 Dec 09:15 - OM: All of this happened many years ago, although that doesn't excuse my behaviour. I also said at Haymarket that there must be something really wrong in the relationship if you were to stray. Me and BS were never meant to be and we both done wrong.

We 'are' meant to be. I could never hurt you WW.

I know you really love me WW. That goes without saying. You've said to me you love me a lot more than BS has in 18 years. And you've kissed me a lot more too.

I want to spend the rest of my life with a woman that loves me as much as I love her.

That woman is you WW.

Love you so much

XxxxxxxxxxxxxX
7 Dec 09:19 - WW: Okay, you've cleared that up. Thankyou for being so honest, especially about things that aren't really my business. I'll not mention it again, I promise.

OM I really am head over heels. I don't ever see life without you in it.

Love you

XxxxxxxxxxX
7 Dec 09:25 - OM: It is your business. You have every right to worry about my past. I'll never make a fool out of you WW, never.

You have my word and in time I'll prove to you that I am a one woman man.

You are my first and last love.

I would close this deal and get full custody of your children while she is distracted. Your kids need to be protected from her fogged out, crazy lifestyle. You won't get another chance like this.


I understand it doesn't feel right. But we are talking about a STRATEGY here. If you follow your feelings, you will end up in a ditch. Can you follow a plan despite your feelings?

See, your wife and her OM are operating on their feelings and as a result, the affair will fall apart. If you can follow a plan, you will have a distinct advantage because they have no plan.

The document states 3 days with me and 4 with her. SHe wouldnt take less. My eldest is disabled, so as a lone parent with him, she will get decent benefits (We are in UK) and wont need to work. I feel like shes using him as a meal ticket! However lawyer said the 3/4 is above average so take it

This was a smart move. See, she already has serious doubts about her affair and you can sit on the sidelines looking like a GREAT GUY while you quietly fan the flames. The exposure will cause the affair to start crumbling. I know you can't see that now, but affairs thrive on secrecy and exposure brings reality into the affair. It ruins the fantasy and hastens the death of the affair.

So, if you can hang in there and be the BEST you can be, while quietly fanning the flames, you will likely get her back. It is a STRATEGY, a PLAN. And this is your advantage over the POSOM. He has NO PLAN. He is a dirtbag playah who will move on when something better comes along. She is already very worried about her relationship.

Look for opportunities to tell your wife that you are "worried" about her and express your concern. For example, say "after speaking to OM's wife, I am very worried about you. Do you know that he has a history of having affairs? I am concerned he is going to hurt you horribly."