Don't apologize for doing the right thing. My wife said the same thing: "Our marriage problems are between you and me." I replied, "They were until YOU brought a third party into the marriage."

I would've thought thats the kind of discussion I am to avoid (LB)

Read what love busters are.

Enabling your wife's affair by excusing her bad choices are a love buster. It shows your wife that you are willing to be manipulated and walked all over.

You are in a war right now, and you cannot apologize for your well planned tactics.

Fight for your marriage, man! Let her know calmly that you still love and care for her, but you will NEVER support or defend her choices to have an affair.

You aren't putting people in awkward positions, she is by having an affair! She is putting you in an impossible situation. How irritating that she puts it on you! If it was between you and her only, she would end the affair. My WW does the same crap.

I would not apologize for talking to people about the affair. I would say: "I'm willing to work with you to create a loving marriage but you must end your affair ".

You might also point out that the best thing for your kids is to have their parents together in a loving marriage. She might see that as using the kids to make her feel guilty though. I have pointed that out to my WW many times despite her accusations of me trying to make her feel guilty.

You are right, im too easily pushed. She hadnt read my reply yet, altho it was sent. I just appended an additional bit, albeit a few hours later!

"The best thing for our boys is to have their parents together in a loving marriage. One i am willing to work with you to build so we can both be happy. You are right, our marriage problems should be between us and there shouldnt be a third party incuding an affair partner. The affair is what creates these awkward positions. Why not think about us fixing our marriage together?"


BTW I haven't exposed to people the pregnancy thing. I thought that might be spiteful, also her parents would literally never speak to her again

You could say nothing. It's better than a love buster. You could also say something that isn't really a response to what she said.

I recently had a conversation with my WW where she repeatedly demanded I take down her OM's cheaterville post. I told her that I would not do it after the first demand. After every demand she made after that I only expressed to her my belief that we could overcome our problems and create a great marriage that would be better for our kids. I did not specifically respond to her ridiculous repeated demand.

Remember: I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage but you must end your affair.

That phrase and slight variations of it are a safe thing to say when she throws her ridiculous fogbabble at you.

Nice addition to your previous message!

I personally am not sure about the pregnancy thing. I think that not exposing it is protecting her from the consequences of her actions. Were I in your position I would feel no other choice but to tell family about it if only for your own support. However, I am incredibly against killing babies and could probably never find forgiveness for my wife if she were to end the life of my unborn child, or someone else's for that matter.

I'm not certain i can forgive any of this. I just want to try.

I am being messaged at moment by OMs BS. She thinks they've had an EA for nearly a year, although it only recently became physical :-/
She said OMs mum had made a weird comment about my WW to him back in april in (front of OMs BS)

SO the idea of her not really knowing him could be wrong. Although just adds even more similarities to the greg, jon and sue story

The more I hear, the more disheartened and betrayed I feel

Understandable. I may talk tough, but when I was where you are now I had many, many bouts with tears. I had to leave work meetings. Attending Mass was especially hard.

I remember attending Mass on 9-11 right after D-Day for me. There was tribute to the victims that triggered me, and the tears flowed nonstop for 10 minutes. My two daughters who were flanking me were mortified and embarrased, and a lady behind me who must have thought I lost loved one during the national tragedy handed me a Kleenix.

You're hitting rock bottom, but remember this. You have your kids. You have your dignity. I would not trade places with your WW for all the tea in China.

Hang in there, friend.

Each new piece of information is a knifing. The more you learn, the more you will be stabbed. The lies hurt as much as the actual cheating. They're all wrapped up in one anyway.

It's really important to have friends and family who can support you at this time. Do you have support?

BEW-BH, expose to your BIL that he too is a BH.

You need to tell him all about the affair.. Additionally, I would contact this creepy woman and tell her this: [in the hopes she will tell your wife and cause her to think twice about her affair]

Dear SallyEnabler, I won't accept WW's affair because I care about her. If you cared about her you would not be encouraging this destructive relationship. Your actions are not the actions of a caring friend and when her affair ends, she will not remember you kindly for your role in encouraging reckless, destructive behavior that led to the destruction of her family and marriage. If OM cared about her, he wouldn't be having an affair with a married woman. Her affair will ruin her life and I care too much to sit back and watch it happen without protest.

Just so you know, 98% of affairs crumble within 2 years because the traits that made them possible, thoughtlessness, deceit and selfishness, eventually make their way into the affair. When their sleazy affair crumbles, it may be too late for her to get her family back.

Please start being her friend instead of an enabler who helps her destroy her life. I care about my wife and won't give up on her.

BBH

nonono, don't be SPITEFUL, be DECENT!! You should tell him out of a sense of DECENCY. That is what decent people do.


This is crying over spilled milk. She is with then OM because she is addicted to him. There is very little you can do to overcome an addiction other than expose it and rain holy hell on the affair.

You don't ever apologize for exposure. Just tell her that her affair affects everyone and you will make sure everyone knows. just tell her you are spreading the good news. And what does she have to object about? Is there something wrong with the affair?

You CAN get through this. With our without WW. It is an extreme credit upon yourself that are fighting for your family and your wife. No matter what WW decides, you can overcome her betrayal without regret. A man should be willing to fight anyone for the well-being of his family, even his own wife if necessary.

Keep your head up. Momentum is the most important thing in battle. You have taken it with exposure and you will keep it by doing everything in your power to fight the affair and using plan A to try and pull WW out of her fog.

Not really, my MIL and my mum talks to me, both disgusted at her behaviour towards me and the kids. Both think shes gone insane!

I am thinking of looking into counselling though. Might help. I am not sure MIL is the right person to talk to.

^^^^ this. I totally agree. Do the decent thing and tell this BH.

I only know it happened, I dont know when or who. She would just deny it and say im causing trouble.