What "document?" Is this a legal custody order?

I showed the affair proof to his BS, not to my WW. The proof was the conversion between OM and WW i posted on page 16!

In saying that though, I have had the "im worried about you, everytime hes away with lads, is he at a hotel? HE was with your affair", "when hes working away, can you really trust him", "you are giving up a LoT fro a guy who dropped an 18 year marriage so easily" etc

The document is an interim separation document. It would be overridden on divorce but it is unlikley a judge here will change custody detail without good reason

OK?? How does this change my advice to bring up his past affairs to your WW and show "concern" and sympathy?


But, you don't know unless you try. The time to get full custody is when a WS is completely consumed with her affair.

Do everything you can to get custody. She has to know that her dream world cannot coexist with the realty of her life. Your kids need to be protected. You're probably right that she sees your boy as a meal ticket.

You should definitely be trying to have your kids when she doesn't want to care for them during her visitation. You have to get that ordered! Visitation is not meant for the parent to have the kids babysat. It's to allow the parent to be involved with the children's lives. If she doesn't want that involvement, she shouldn't be getting it in paper.

I think you need to be prepared for a long haul. She is not going to turn around in a short time, if at all. Protect your kids, there isn't much you can do to protect WW.

Have your attorney/barrister file a motion that offers you 1st right of refusal if she is taking the children to be watched by others during her personal custodial period.

It "May" force her to choose to be a more responsible parent caretaker, (Unlikely), or she will choose to further pursue these additional moments with the POSOM.

Do not make the motion vindictive or threatening, but as a caring and loving Father who would jump at every addition an opportunity to cherish precious additional time with your children.

If the time they are getting watched by others is primarily with the Inlaws, then posture your relief motion to allow for them to be involved with you And the children. It makes you look more concerned about maintaining Familial contact without jeopardizing the childrens ongoing relationship with their Grandchildren.

Then, Document, Document, Document every opportunity that you can position yourself as the parent who desires more time with the children and eventually You seel the Primary Custodian ruling in your favor.

She will probably be too enamored with her Knight In Rust Armor to put up much of a true fight, besides verbal accusations.

You, as their Father, more than anyone else deserve the opportunity for the Right Of First Refusal.

LTL

LTL is giving great advice.

In my case, my WW did become a more involved parent when I made it clear that I would be in an excellent position to fight for sole custody if she didn't straighten up. She wants primary custody so she has been forced to spend her time with my son and OM is not allowed to be near my son per court order. It really put a cramp in their fantasy.

You may want to look into ways you can prevent your WW's OM from having contact with your kids. He probably doesn't want to anyway but if he is around it is unlikely WW is giving your kids the proper attention.

She has promised no introduction for a year (Really dont see it lasting a year). Although she also promised to forsake all others so might not be worth much!

I went around there tonight because I forgot to get something earlier. Had a cup of tea, small talk, no LBs, stayed away from OM subject completely. Left proud of myself for not yelling at her

She was drinking wine though, which I thought was a bit daft since it means she cant drive if she needs to. Days/weeks leading to DDay she drank ALOT just in evenings though. Kinda made me worry about her. She drank until passed out sometimes.

Hopefully this was just a couple glasses tonight.

Do you want your children spending time with the other man?

I would get a second opinion from another attorney. Ask around for a bull dog. Yours may not be that good.

Document her transgressions, and spend quality time with your children.

As far as your wife's despicable behavior goes, just ignore her and avoid her when you are simmering. Plan A does not require you always be sweet to her. But you do have to avoid love busters while finding ways of making it clear that you still care for her.

I would keep my distance from her for awhile.

I am laughing out loud reading her text. What a fool she is right now. She is one day going to rue the day she met this scumbag.

I am hoping that you will confront this piece of garbage at work on Monday morning.

Throwing away our marriage on someoen she KNOWS is a serial cheater. And him saying, "uh, yeah, but, i wont cheat on you" is all the assurance she needs? I guess its because of the FOG, but total fool.

I wont confront him, he knows i was a good husband etc but he wanted her and put in whatever effort he put in. Apparently hes been to every girls nigth out since August, his BS told me today. My wife never told me this.I thought it was all girls. I guess its same as sue in saa hiding how often she sawe greg,

Still dont know if we can recover. She seems truely in love with this guy ***EDIT***. I just feel the need to try.

Edit**

You might have noticed I am up and down a number of times each day. Hell of a rollercoaster!

Promises mean absolutely NOTHING from a WAYWARD and KNOWN LIAR.

If she is drinking while having custody of the kids, you need to document that and see if you can find an excuse to go back hours later and see if she is approaching the drunken stupor state that she previously was indulging herself into.

THEN, you contact the Police Department and have them come out to investigate and INSIST that they allow YOU, the SOBER and rational Parent to gather the children to go back home with you for fear of their safety.

Then, if that works out, you request the Police Department to go back out there again several hours later to conduct a Wellness Check since you are now also concerned about your Wayward Wife's state of mibd and safety.

Collect copies of the Official Police Reports.

But, do all of this only if you sincerely feel she is drinking too much and it's not just a glass of wine. False allegations will backfire on you.

Be considerate and a concerned Parent and Husband.

LTL

Confront the POSOM and instill a bit of apprehension in his life, but do it civilly and voice record your confrontation.

LTL

I don't understand why this generation of men avoid conflict. If anyone messes with my wife, I confront. No one is going to mess with my family and not face my wrath.

But I'm old school.

I believe that deep down, even in foggiest depths, women like it when their men fight for them. Goes back to knights slaying dragons, chivalry, honor, and the whole bit.

I agree. I think a BS should jump at the chance to confront the OP. Nothing violent should be necessary. Direct confrontation really brings home the fact that there are consequences to the OP's actions and the BS is not the faceless monster that the wayward has painted them out to be.

***EDIT*** I'm sure that you are willing to go to further lengths than he is. He will find easier victims elsewhere. I'm sure a serial cheater prefers to prey on the weak.

Dr. Harley advises BH to confront the OM.

Work would be a problem, he works offshore, 2 weeks on 2 off, I am told, unless she lied

I now know where he lives though

I have never been able to confront my WW's OM due to him being in the military. They won't let people on the base just to go kick somebody's a**. If I ever get the chance I intend to bring to his attention that due to the fact that me and my WW have a special needs child together, I will always be in her life as long as she wants to have any custody of our son. Anytime he makes a mistake with her, anytime she gets angry at him, whenever their fantasy life doesn't work out quite like they expected, I will still be there! He will never be safe from the threat of her infidelity because I will always be around and she will always have to work with me somehow. I have a history with my wife that OM will never be able to take away or replace.

I think that something like that would make any OM a little concerned about the effort it will take***EDIT***

I'm not sure that the reality of caring for a special needs child has has found it's way through your OM's head yet though. That in itself is a huge deterrent to some amoral dirt bag looking for the easiest tail he can get.

Very true, that sounds like a good conversation piece! You are right, he cannot comprehend how difficult my son can be!

I like the reminder of our history and me always being there too. Good points and will use those!

Warning:

The number of instances of posters bypassing the profanity filter has increased rapidly of late. Dr Harley does not want profanity on his forum. Please respect our Terms of Service if you want to continue posting on the Marriage Builders forum.

3. "You will not use obscene/ profane language."

I apologize. The subject is close to my heart and the thought of confronting an OM gets me pretty fired up. I will refresh myself on the terms of service. Thank you.

I had a failed attempt at confrontation today, he wasn't home. Got a message from WW saying OM heard I was wanting to speak to him and he's happy to meet me.

I just replied to WW saying I would like us to build a happy marriage and family together

She replied with

I don't want to argue with you, or hurt you any more than I have done already. You know how I feel. It may not be the fairytale we imagined but the boys are my number one priority.