I've been married for just over 30 years and my wife is telling me that she is planning for a divorce. She is also involved in an adulterous relationship with another man and is actively planning to move on with him at some point in 2015. Earlier this year, she started sleeping in a separate bedroom and no longer has intimate relations with me. I found out about the affair with the other man earlier this summer through my kids. After approaching and discussing the affair with her, she appears to have no remorse about the affair and continues to talk with the other man regularly. Her focus at this point seems to be on herself and in building a future with the other man. She also no longer wants to take extended vacations with me and will only engage in non-overnight day trips with me. Due to the divorce threats, I have consulted with a lawyer and he requested that I end our joint financial arrangements, which I have done. All of our kids are grown and on their own as of 5 plus years ago. My wife was an off and on house wife, but has recently started working part-time again. I'm the primary bread winner and was looking forward to spending more time with my wife soon, as I retire in the next few years, but things are looking cloudy right now.

What might I do to get my marriage back on the right track again or is it too late?

Hi LMG, welcome to Marriage Builders. The affair has gone on for a quite a while and the more entrenched they are, the harder to kill. Can you tell me what you have done to bust this up? Who is the OM? What is his background? Is he married? Does he work with her?

What have you done so far to break up the affair? How did you find out about it?

I wanted to add: Who knows about the affair?

At this point, I'm not sure how long the affair has gone on with this particular person. I suspect a couple of years, but I'm unsure at this point. The OM's background is shady (convicted felon), but it appears that he has found a way to satisfy my wife's most pressing emotional needs. He appears to be a crafty, wayward individual that does not work with my wife, but knew her in her youth. He is unbanked and owns no car or property in his name. It does not appear that he is currently married and was divorced in the past. I have tried to break up the affair by confronting my wife about it several months ago. She called the OM to call it off, but I found that they were continuing to communicate not long after that stunt. I told all of her family members and our kids about her affair in detail, as I have been gathering information about it for some time now. My kids are fully supportive of me and have been warning my wife to wake up and work things out between us, however, she seems headstrong to pursue the relationship with the OM.

Have you done a background check on the OM? Does he have a Facebook page?

Have your kids, friends and family members spoken to your wife about her affair? Will your wife's parents try to help you run this piece of crap off?

Can you go read my exposure thread linked in my signature and tell me if there is any stone left unturned?

Is this her first affair?

How do you explain that she hasn't moved in with him yet?

This is the 2nd affair that I'm aware of. The 1st affair, I was able to fend off several years ago. This time, it seems more emotionally and physically driven. I hired a PI to perform a background check on the OM, who stated that the OM is a shifty, job-changer that appears to be an opportunist. OM's jobs are strictly cash and carry, so that no paper trail of true income can be gauged. OM does have a Facebook page that is not used much to-date after the affair was surfaced. Wife deleted her Facebook page after the affair surfaced. Wife has not moved in with him to-date, as he currently has no place of his own and she has not accumulated enough funding yet to move forward. Our kids have spoken with my wife several times without success. Wife's parents are deceased and wife's closest sibling passed away earlier this year, adding to wife's instability.

BTW, is there a place I can find the commonly used acronyms on this forum, such as OM, exWH, AP, etc.

Here Abbreviations and Acronyms

Thanks, BrainHurts! Just what this rookie needed :-)

Does OM have any children? Can you find his family?

wow, you don't have a lot to work with here. One thing I would suggest is moving your money to a safe place so she doesn't clean you out and getting guidance from a lawyer. Otherwise, you may end up kicked out of your home and replaced by this felon.

Oh good, I see you have already done this.

BrainHurts, I'm currently working on options to address notifying the OM's possible influencing people. Unfortunately, there appears to be low moral fiber with the whole lot on that side, so I'm not as hopeful I have as much to work with there, but I'm checking further. MelodyLane, thanks for all of your replies. I'm doing all that I can to protect myself, as I've worked very hard to get to this point in life. I'm blessed with the support of family and friends to help see me through this difficult period of time. I realize that marriage is a good deal of work and want to work with my wife to make our marriage better, however, with the OM in place, this has proven to be difficult and I'm getting close to implementing 'Plan B'.

Sounds like I may be on the right track. Any other things I should be considering to break-up this affair and protect myself in the process?

Lastly, is there a way to find good coaches in my area that subscribe to Dr. Harley's principles? If so, where can I find that information?

LMG,

You indicated that OM does not have a place of his own. Who does he live with? Does he have another girlfriend?

AM

AM, OM appears to be quite the drifter. I believe he primarily stays at his Dad's home, but it appears that he stays wherever he lays his hat. I'm also sure he has other women that he has relations with, but I suspect those change with the wind, too.

Have you been in touch with his father?

I have only had a brief conversation with the OM to stop calling my home a couple of months ago and he hung up on me in the process. He has refrained from calling my home, however, the pair continue contact via text and calls to my WW's cell phone. I have not contacted anyone else associated with the OM to-date, as I believe the folks on that side are enablers in keeping the affair going and almost see it as a badge of honor for the OM.