She wont leave the other man alone. I think she is in love with him. I have tried everything I feel.

Bobcl,

Try to focus on one thing at a time.
Right now you need to expose.
Focus on that. Post the OM on Cheaterville and expose the affair far and wide.
Without exposure, you stand little chance at this point.

Think of this as a marathon, not a sprint. It is irrelevant that she thinks she is in love with some xxx who will meddle in another man's marriage. You should stay the course and pull a fantastic plan A. If the affair is exposed properly and you have asked for support of all people that may be able to influence her, you should show her, that you are a man and not a boy.

You will have to be strong where she is not. You will have to show her that you are confident that you can have a happy marriage again. You have all the good cards in this game: your history together, children's father, you know her best.

The other man is only a temporary figure in your wife's life, although she does not realize that just jet. What she also does not realize is, that he is taking advantage of her in the worst way. Be confident. You can turn this around, but you have to have some patience and follow the plan as laid out in Surviving an Affair.

How is your exposure coming along?

I haven't yet but that will be later. She is so far removed from me right now. I feel that there's just to much and that she has just had it. She won't even really speak to me. She has it in her mind that we can't even have fun tonight with the kids. Everything is very edgey. :-(... the only thing that will make her happy is if I leave. I haven't brought anything up and it feels very uncomfortable.

She is acting like I'm the one that did something wrong. Like I'm the plague. Giving the cold shoulder. I almost can't take it. It's just crazy.

That will just continue and the affair will become even more entrenched until you go all out, all at once on completing your exposure.

Admit it. You just don't want to tick her off and feel this will push her further away.

The reality though, is that she is already gone and unless you break up the affair and implement the Extraordinary Precautions, then it will just get worse.

LTL

Did you listen to the clips in here?
Beware of Bad Counselors

You are wasting time here.
you need to focus on exposure and nothing else at this point.
can you do that?
Can you expose tomorrow?

That's typical Bob. She's been playing push - pull with you for ages. She needs the needs you meet but she needs you not to interfere in her affair.

C'Mon now. If it were 'love' they could have been together ages ago. Its a nasty little mouldy addiction which won't survive the light of day.

You could easily kill it and that's why wayward wives start behaving like they are in the exorcist. To scare you and make you inactive!

I'm always stunned how a cold shoulder can make men tip toe on egg shells. Women are much happier to push the button.

Expose and have the guts to calmly face her fury. Tell her that you will stand up to anything that endangers your marriage.

Do you have contact details for all exposure targets? Can you post OM on cheaterville? Do you have a template exposure letters?

There's very little you can do to meet her needs while the affair is allowed to flourish in secrecy. Firstly because the fog makes her deeply unpleasant and secondly because it is uncaring when a husband does not protect his wife from a sleaze.

You also sound a little edgy. Many people benefit from anti depressants to take the edge off. Like others have said it can take time to dismantle an affair and it doesn't even start until exposure. You need to be calm, strategic and prepare for the long haul. Not reacting to all the pouting.

I don't have an exposure letter template. I can expose him on cheater vill. I don't know how to expose my wife though. Her friends would and are looking the other way. I could tell my a family and a like 2 in hers that would actually care. Like I said I can't post anything on her face book.

What exactly will it do when I post him on that site?

Your right I'm beyond edgy. Thank you for the advice

I have seen several threads where the APs were very upset by being posted on cheaterville. It is massive internet exposure. If someone Googles the OMs name it will likely bring up the post.

I think there are exposure letter templates in the "Exposure 101" thread. MelodyLane has it linked in her signature and it is in the "Start Here First" thread at the top of the surviving an affair forum list.

You have probably been told this but, WW will be pissed off about exposure. Be prepared and don't take her hurtful words seriously.

Have you read this?
Exposure 101

I have posted him on the site. I am talking to her family and mine tomorrow.

Also I had wrote her a couple of letters and put them in an envelope with a couple of questioners.

I can back from the gym and was shocked to see her actually filling it out. When she handed to me she said I can't wait to see the changes. Very sarcastically...drive me nuts. But on the bright side she filled it out.


Still confusing if she didn't want things to change and work things out I don't know why she would do that.

Thanks I read it. I thank everyone for your support and advise. I would be so crazy right now with out it.

Post the results of the questionnaires here so experienced posters can give you guidance

Who have you exposed to on OM's side?

Also, have you told your family about your own affairs?

I can't find anyone to expose om to on his side


Yes my family knows