There's a lot of good advice for going through a divorce in the forum. If you lead WW here, you won't be able to get much help and you will be providing her with a good resource to use against you.You shouldn't give that up.


I'm not suggesting this but, what about giving a wayward a copy of SAA or another one of Dr.Harley's books?

I only ask because SAA seemed to perfectly describe the situations and I always wish I could get my WW to read it and allow herself to understand it. My initial thought is that it would be pointless until the A is over.

Just to reiterate: I'm not suggesting you give her one of the books. Just asking a question.

I had a copy of SAA in the house during my wifes affair.
She got mad and threw it away!

Ha!
Something happened to my copy of SAA during my exW affair and divorce also.

Keep us posted on the results of your court date today.

As long as they continue to be wayward there is no educating a wayward. It will not do any good until they've come out of the fog.

The answer to your question is

I'm glad I've gone with my logic on that. Thanks for the responses. I kind of figured any attempts at education would be pointless.

I'm glad I kept my copy of SAA hidden while my WW was still in the house. I kept it in my gun safe and kept the jacket off of it when I was reading it.

Just got back from court. RO was dismissed!

WW did have an attorney from the local legal aid services with her.

My attorney and hers spent about 20 minutes in the lobby outside the courtroom trying to work out an agreement before the hearing.

My attorney would meet with me and then meet with hers, and I'm guessing hers would go talk to WW about our offer, and then respond.

Even with the D filing being noted (WW was served as soon as she got to the courthouse) and offering to go N/C with WW and her entire family, WW wanted to pursue the RO. My attorney made several notes about how weak WW's case was to try to persuade for an agreement to drop it but no dice each time from the other side.

Didn't end up mattering. We got into the court, and after the people in front of us in line finished, the judge called both attorneys to the bench. Apparently there was a technicality or mistake of some sort on the order that he didn't like and so he was not going to hear the case. And that was it. Dismissed.

WW got out of there fast. I got a good look at her this time as we were leaving, and she actually looked angry. I don't know what she wanted out of this, but she didn't get it, and she got out of the courthouse very quickly after the dismissal.

One of the great "offers" she offered me when our attorneys were negotiating was a 15 day temporary RO in exchange for agreeing to go NC with her family. I didn't agree with that, but in light of that I think I'm going to find an IM and let them handle any contact with her family/her from here on out. I can see WW trying to make something out of any continued contact with them.

Might add that this joint was a zoo. The people in front of us were a case where an employee who lived a block away from his employer had filed an RO against said employer after he got fired to prevent them from driving by his house (which was on the way to their place of business). Employer had an attorney and mound of evidence and ultimately his RO was dismissed as well but it was a waste of probably 90 minutes going through this ridiculous case. These things need to be institutionally reformed.

Good for you, the system works!!!
It sounds like she will regroup for something else, you know how to protect yourself.

It is clear she is unprepared for any of this, from a divorce or legal perspective. Your attorney may advise differently, but go for the jugular while she is weak and unprepared.

Anytime the attorneys are asked to approach before anything starts, the judge is trying to get it dismissed or resolved. He knew the action was stupid or frivolous and did not want to waste his time.

WW was angry because she wanted to punish you by getting an RO on your record...maybe told OM she would make you pay for exposure too. Well at any of that lol. After seeing her reaction I hope that re-enforces why you should not tell her about MB. She is out to get you and pissed.

Not sure if you need to put her family on IM communication. If they have been good to you, I don't think I would do that. Seems kind of like a slap in the face IMO. You don't need to talk to any crappy members anyway, IM or no IM. They will probably communicate with you less and less anyway...that is usually how it goes.

The courts are a zoo. When I went before the judge to get my decree signed and entered, it was a freak show!!!

Hope you are feeling some relief.

I was thinking of having my IM relay a message to them that she had specifically instructed her attorney to ask me to go N/C with them. I would at least like to tell them what has happened with the D filing (though I have a feeling she's already relayed this, as she probably wants to make me look like the bad guy) and say thanks for being good family to me over the years.

You're right about bringing her here though. She's on a different planet at the moment, still very fogged.

My property split in my filing was way less than 50/50. I did give her the vehicle she kept asking for and assumed the debts she had wanted me to send money about, as well as assuming 100% of our joint credit card, but I kept everything else including my retirement.

Part of me thinks she might take that and run. So many factors regarding her anger and OMs influence on all this that could cause her to contest it, we'll just have to see. If she contests then we're looking at 9 months before it gets heard. Otherwise it's default and over in 30 days.

Now that the D is filed, do some things to protect yourself financially. Like cancel anything joint, (credit cards, line of credit, etc)
Not sure what your state law is regarding health insurance, waywards go crazy there. My ex had her tubes tied so she wouldnt get pregnant by the OM. I had to pay for it because in my state she gets 6 months of coverage from the date of filing. She also consulted with a plastic surgeon for implants and lipo.
Waywards go crazy with money.

We've never had joint insurance, we've both always purchased individual, so I THINK I'm ok there. I doubt she even has health insurance at the moment, she doesn't seem to have bothered paying for it for a while. I got notices in the mail about that.

Since this is all official I'll ensure the rest of that is done as well.

You have to think about taxes now too. best if you file first, so get it done quickly.

Your wife is angry because you exposed to her family and they don't support her affair. Her anger is searing. But over time she will get over it.

The fact that she is trying to punish you in court, though, is something you will have a hard time getting over.

I'm glad the RO was dropped. That's great to hear.

All her actions are done by anger. She will snap out one day... but how much more harm will she do until she snaps out. Also glad to hear the RO was dropped.

Told WWs family about the D filing today. I wanted to give an update on the situation since several of them have contacted me recently, and also to tell them if things don't work out I'm grateful for how they've treated me over the years.

Apparently she hadn't mentioned it to them yet which is very puzzling to me. Very. But perhaps she felt they would pressure her to talk me out of it, I don't know. I figured she would have jumped at the opportunity to paint me as the antagonist.

I know in general I've got to keep them out of the loop on D stuff because of the risk of it getting to WW, but I did mention that I didn't want this outcome and that I'm open to R with WW if she was willing.

They were upset but I think I struck the right tone as they thanked me for being honest with them and also for being open to R at this stage.

As I'm sure some of you BSes with close in-laws can relate, these conversations aren't fun. About as much fun as exposing the A to them was.

But I felt it had to be done. I could have avoided it but I'm not that guy to say nothing about it and walk away. While I figured WW would have told them anyways, I did want them to know I'm not closing the door on her yet, just moving in that direction. I'm not going to IM them, what black raven said makes sense. I did remove them from FB but I told them it wasn't personal and that my door is open if they need to talk to me.