I had to force a divorce too. It took six years, would have been ten years if he had not made a mistake (forgot to appeal). Important to be the first to file as then you control the calendar. I was first to file and then he asked if he could be the petitioner in return for no grounds trial. My mistake, I agreed to that and from then on the calendar was in his hands.

I think a lot of men do not realise the seriousness of what they did until long afterwards. My XH hid his head totally in the sand.

I forced a postnup after I caught him sneaking back to see the Fat Slag. A postnup is an excellent idea if you can use it to protect yourself. Mine really did not. I can give you more details if you need them.

This is typical. Most WHs are lazy and all talk. Weak on action, strong on whining and complaining. I filed and my exWH never did anything in our divorce...other than complain how long it was taking which was a whopping eight months from start to finish.

I wouldn't say that my husband loves me so much...but I suppose he has some reasons for hanging on to a wife that won't have anything to do with him.

My suggestion to you is to stop trying to understand your WH waywards don't make sense and are lazy. Don't waste the energy trying to rationalize the situation.

It's not really love as a buyer would understand it. More harem/hoarder's mentality. Holding onto something you aren't capable of enjoying. Not wanting to end the show and face the empty stage.

Yes, all that and the shame of having to admit that you destroyed a family.

True. All true. I have the paperwork all filled out to file on March 21st (which is the first I can file due to my move).

I have a job interview tomorrow and am talking to another recruiter next week. I signed my daughter up for swim lessons and I signed up for crossfit/weightlifting (which I never thought I would do again, but I was surprisingly fine doing it and happy to be lifting again). I am also planning my daughter's third birthday party and am joining a small group at church.

WH is coming to take DD for the weekend and I am planning a girls weekend with my girlfriend in LA.

All and all, bright days ahead. It's so sunny in southern California.

So WH is taking DD for the weekend (his first visit with her). He sent my IM a message saying that he wanted to get her friday morning then drop her back off at night then take her again saturday morning and keep her until monday. I had agreed o a Friday-Monday visit and this made me livid. I am going away for the weekend. Why would he want to drop her off again on Friday? He must think I am his babysitter so he can go out and do whatever he wants.

I told my IM that he needs to take her the whole weekend or I am taking her on my trip with me. This is from a man who keeps threatening to take DD back to NorCal and take care of her himself...

Can you arrange it so that the schedule is set in stone? A regular routine?

That way you can instruct your IM to give an automatic 'no' to requests for alterations without even alerting you.

I don't know how much reading you've done on parallel parenting but flexibility is not your friend and the sooner he is drilled in that message the better.

I am working on it. Right now he is just visiting her once per month, but it is varying--probably based on when he can get people to cover the classes he teaches. I have dates for Jan and Feb right now. But I told my IM that I need 7 days advance notice of pick up and drop off times or she will not be released (which is in our current agreement, which he will not sign). He has now agreed to take her for the whole weekend, but is now stalling on telling me where she will be staying on Friday (he gave the address for the rest of the weekend).

I will definitely get it set in stone when I am allowed to file at the end of March because he'll have to respond to these issues when that happens.

Got a note from my lawyer that he wants to start the post-nup back up again...wow. Well, I am not going to stress about it. It'll happen or it won't. Who knows.

But what is stopping you from doing it now?

If you were to say 'last weekend of the month, every month' Its his problem to make himself available. In fact it would be easier for him to plan. The only thing it's harder for him to do is mess with you.

Sounds like he's with an OW on Friday night.

Can you stop him taking her around girlfriends? I'd have your IM tell him you've arranged to take her on your trip since he has no accommodation. It's now too late to change your plans if he insists.

Divorcing a wayward is one step forward, four steps back.

Hi Guys,

Could I ask if someone would be willing to be an IM should I need one? My WH insulted my IM's daughter and now she doesn't want to do it anymore. I am not sure if its just because she is mad, but in any case, she is a good friend, but might not be the greatest IM if she doesn't want to do it because of that. I told her to expect him to be mean and crazy, but I think that was just too much for her.

He sent the Friday hotel reservation to my IM and he is staying with his brother. He also gave me the number for his brother (I already had), cousin and best friend in LA (I already had that number too) and a full itinerary (which I didn't ask for, but OK).

My friend in the Bay said that her social media accounts indicate that she is still in the Bay. So, I think I am clear.

I will try to insert a morality clause in the post-nup. Also, I will change he parenting plan to reflect a set time each month.

Also, are there any IM potential volunteers?

I could be your IM after today (last super busy day). I'd want to go through that training link before hand to make sure I do it right.

Hi Luna,

Thanks! He is persistent and will find things about my daughter to write about. Let me talk to my IM after this weekend (I am going on a trip soon) and see where she is at on Monday. He shouldn't be contacting me/her at all this weekend because he is with DD.

Great. I'll check back then.

Having a good, but painful weekend. I'm visiting a friend and it is only the second time I've been away from my daughter. We went to a potluck party at her friend's place and the whole experience made me feel really strange. I don't know how to be single, but not single at the same time. A nice man tried to talk to me and it felt strange to me (my boundaries are very high at the same time it just feels nice to have a man be nice to me). I just made an excuse that wanted to get some more dip then occupied myself with talking to other women until we left. The whole experience left me feeling really sad about my marriage and the fact that I am still living in semi-limbo. I am realizing that it is going to be hard for me to be in social situations with men until there is a real resolution. My friend and I went to a movie after and I felt much, much better. I don't want to have to think about my marital status and avoiding positive attention from men in social settings.